Shyzer.com

First off, it looks like Shyzer suffered a little hiccup this morning. One of the posts I made last night around 5AM and two comments that were left on the post below were all erased for some reason. It might have had something to do with the fact that I just upgraded Shyzer’s hosting account from 150mb to 1 full gig, but oh well. Just wanted to let the people who commented know that I didn’t erase your comments on purpose.

Anyway, the short version of the post I made last night was that in case you haven’t already noticed, the Shyzer Picture Gallery has been updated. There’s a whole new section of pictures taken over New Years called Snowmobiling. I also added two new subfolders to the Family section, one of pictures from Thanksgiving, the other of pictures from X-mas. I also updated all the pics in my Past Cam Images section and even stuck a few pictures onto the end of Goob’s Life. All in all, there are about 100 new pictures to see and I’m actually not even done uploading them. I have about 50 more to scan that are going to go into the Old School folder. So anyway, be sure and go check all those out.

And yes, that was the shortened version.

[EDIT]As Waynus pointed out to me, all the pictures I uploaded last night were erased in the hiccup as well, which basically means I’m missing the Family X-mas pictures. Those shall be up by mid-afternnon[/EDIT]

I’ll be honest. I’ve quite enjoyed the spike of traffic Shyzer has experienced lately. So in an attempt to further boast my daily hit count, I’ve decided to perform an all out search engine-whore and write certain phrases that will guarantee me thousands, no, millions of hits! But this won’t only be a hit whoring affair! It’s a well known fact that we here at Kramerica Shyzer Incorporated take public service very seriously, which is why in addition to posting the certain phrases, I am going to explain why they will bring in so many hits. Also, I refuse to travel the easy route and run off a list of items like Paris Hilton, Britney Spears, Patriot-Eagle Super Bowl, Slutty Virgins, Blog, Sex, Seex, Sexx, Blog Clicker, Blog Explosion, The Daily Show clips, Family Guy, fun sleep pics, mercedes terrell video, etc I just won’t stoop that low. So without further A DEW….

Mark Kotsay’s Wife - Big Foot. The Lock Ness Monster. The Phantom of the Opera. Iraq’s weapons of mass destruction. Jessica Simpson’s high IQ. None of these are more mysterious or cloaked then the infamous wife of Mark Kotsay. It’s a well-known fact that men who play professional sports tend to have smoking hot wives. It’s a lesser-known fact that Mark Kotsay has the hottest wife of them all. Except there’s a small problem. There ceases to be a single picture of her on the Internet. You see, for every team Mark Kotsay has played for, his wife has joined the team’s corresponding player’s wives association. They do small public services for the community and basically are used as a public relations tool by the team. Now most teams have jumbotrons or huge televisions or something along those lines in their stadiums. At random times during random games, most teams like to tout that they too have a soft and caring side for the community, so they run announcements for some of the public services they offer, which is where Mark Kotsay’s Wife comes in. For every team that Kotsay has played for, his wife has not only joined the association, but has been the main spokeswoman for their jumbotron commercials. Over time, more and more people have had a chance to see Mrs. Kotsay’s commercial and there’s a general consensus among all those who saw her; she is the most gorgeous woman they have ever seen. Message boards have thousand-page threads dedicated solely to her. Websites are repeatedly spammed in search of a single picture of her. She has become a living legend amongst baseball fans and those who have reportedly caught a glimpse of her swear by their lives that she is easily the most breathtaking female they have ever laid eyes on.

And no, this is not her, so don’t be fooled. Although Kris Benson’s wife has a wonderful site, she’s a bit too much on the slutty side for me.

Songmeanings - The most popular song lyrics site on the net always seems to be shut down for months at a time, which leads to thousands of people searching for a reason as to why. So to anybody who has come looking for an explanation, you won’t find one here, so why don’t you just stick around and read up on the site? But seriously, why does the best lyrics site on the net always go down? I want to frackin’ know. (Note to Andy. Bet you liked that Battlestar Galactica reference there. I swear, I’m not obsessive!)

Psycho Girl Video - Yes I have it. No I’m not putting it up on Shyzer. Let’s just say this girl had a crush on a guy and went a little too far in her attempts to seduce him. Instead, she became a psycho. Big time.

Joe Theismann video - Angela mentioned that she got a few hundred hits in one day from people searching for this, so I figured I’d just throw it out there as well =) Can’t hurt!

Vida Guerra - Hell if I know with this one. I was told by a friend that he gets a few thousand hits a month from this chick, so I figured it couldn’t hurt. I’d never heard of her, but she’s not that hot.

Elin Grindemyr - Easily the hottest chick that nobody has ever heard of. Well, I take that back. If you’re on the computer any and surf message boards from time to time, you’ve more than likely come across her. She’s a Swedish girl who was spotted by their version of Maxim in one of those “Hotties Next Door” contests. She shot a photo shoot, but the editors decided to cut her out of the magazine and that was that. Until, that is, an employee leaked the pictures located in Galleries One, Two, and Three found here. Suddenly she skyrocketed to celebrity status throughout Sweden and quickly throughout Europe. Most people here in America have never heard of her, but trust me, you will one day very soon.

Okay, I’m extremely bored with this now. I’m off to bed.

As Jaime pointed out a few weeks ago, I never shared the final results of the Best of Shyzer. Allow me to do so now. The method for determining the winner was simple. I created an Excel spreadsheet and entered the individual results as they were submitted to me. At the end of the spreadsheet, I tallied the votes for each post and divided the final number by how many votes there were. So in essence, the best score possible was a 1 while the worst score was a 5. Also, if you haven’t noticed by now, I turned this whole voting thing into a subpage over there on the left for any and all newcomers to Shyzer so that they too can experience the Best of Shyzer. And now, for the results.

*drumroll please*

Coming in 5th place, with a much higher than expected score of 3.4, was Part I & Part II of The Creation Education Science Fair. Fellner might be shocked to see this post this low, but I think it got such a low score because people didn’t want to go back and read a lot.

In 4th place was Reunion, Part I and Reunion, Part III. with a final score of 3.26. I personally would have ranked this higher, but hey, it’s not my call.

Capturing the Bronze Medal with a surprisingly low score of 2.866 was The Catch. I didn’t even think this would make the final 5, much less become a medallist, but I was most pleasantly wrong.

Our Silver Medallist finished with a score of 2.8, beating The Catch out by one single point. Who was the lucky bastard? None other than Only In Spartanburg. Goes to show that the people always love humor.

And finally, our Gold Medallist, who finished with a score of 2.6 and received over 25% of the first place votes. I can’t say I’m shocked at all because Tan Nguyen and Week 1 were winners from the start. God I’d do anything to have Tan back with us, but until that day we meet again, all I can do is share his memory with the rest of the world.

Just for fun, I went back and looked at all the voting patterns to see if anybody happened to vote exactly the way the final results ended up. Not a one. So I went back and looked to see if anybody got three posts in the correct position (and thereby flipping two other posts incorrectly) and I came back with some results. Jess (1,3,5) and Clay (1,2,3) both nailed three in their correct spots, so congrats to you two. But Clay, I deem you the winner since you were the only person to accurately vote for the top 3 posts in their correct final positions. So way to go Clay for knowing what the public likes and voting along with them. =)

Oh, and Andy, you were the only person not to get a single one right. Congrats on that as well! VALIDATION!

Thank you so much for all those who voted. Sorry it took me so long to post the results, but you know how it goes with me. Seriously though, I wouldn’t have been able to pick or rank these on my own so I couldn’t have done this without any of you. Thanks again.

Yes, those are ads you see over there. It’s about time Shyzer started pulling its own weight around here. I figured since I was in desperate need of cash, if I could find a way to make a few bucks a month in order to finance Shyzer, so be it. So be a dear and click whatever ad shows up for you over there. You don’t have to buy anything or read whatever web-site shows up. All you have to do is click the ads for me. It takes all of 5 seconds. And if I could get everybody who comes to Shyzer to do that once a day, then I would be set. In fact, I might even have enough money to upgrade my hosting package to give me more space. Space I could use to upload videos, such as this:

I’m heading home to Virginia tomorrow to spend the holidays with my family, which means that some last minute shopping will be done. I remember that Me + My Siblings + A Crowded Mall = Hilarity. But this time, I figured why not spread the fun to others? Why not show the world just how weird and goofy Goob and his Gooblings really act. Why not bring along a camcorder and film it?

So that’s exactly what I plan on doing. But I also figured I could give back to the people of Shyzer, which is where you all come in. Let’s pretend that on camera, my siblings and I draw things out of a hat to do in the mall. Of course, we can come up with some fun shit, but I’m sure most of you out there can too! So here’s your chance. Leave a comment and let me know what you want added into the hat. Maybe I’ll draw it. Maybe my 12-year old brother will draw it. Hell, maybe we’ll get our mom in on the action (but don’t count on it).

This should most certainly be entertaining.

Well, like I promised, I’ve finally finished putting together the final round of the Best of Shyzer. The field was narrowed from 15 to 5 and I cut some of the fluff questions down, so the voting process should go much smoother and quicker now. That said, there is now absolutely no reason for any of you reading this not to go vote! Don’t piss me off and give me some poor ass performance like you did last time (but to those who voted last time - you’re awesome. Now keep your awesomeness by voting again!)

Some of the posts I had nominated before were strikingly similar, so I decided to merge them.

1. The Catch - This post is basically a narrative of “the catch” I made back in November ‘03 during an intramural softball game. I wish I could say there is some sort of hidden message within it or something more to it, but honestly it’s just a story about how I love baseball and how I love playing the outfield.
2. Tan Nguyen and Week 1 - Before the previous round, I had trouble deciding if I should include posts like these, but in the end, I decided not to place a filter on the vote. And judging from the votes, the voters agreed with my decisions. These posts are basically a somber reaction to the sudden news that one of my best friends had passed away right after Christmas in ‘03. They both produced massive amounts of feedback from people I never even knew read Shyzer, which definitely helped with the hard healing process that I had just begun to embark upon.
3. Part I & Part II of The Creation Education Science Fair - Probably one of the best and most well received posts I’ve ever made. This two-part entry was made in Feb. ‘04 and basically cracks fun at one of the most extreme Christian groups I have ever encountered.
4. Reunion, Part I and Reunion, Part III - These are the first and third parts in an overall three part post that I made back in April ‘04. The first deals with the special and complex relationship I’ve had with my father while the third was a Good-bye to my longtime girlfriend.
5. Only In Spartanburg - This post probably produced the most feedback outside of Shyzer, which lead me to see just how many people actually read my little corner of the net. In it, I mock the botched handling of a hostage situation in Spartanburg over the summer of ‘04 and the pathetic news coverage by FOX.

So there you have it. As an added bonus, I’ve gone back and done a little editing on all 5 posts. I was aiming mainly at typos, poor grammar and sentences, etc. instead of trying to rewrite each post, so you probably won’t see a huge difference. But I was just looking to enhance the main flow of each post so that you didn’t find yourself stopping to go “wait a minute…what’s he trying to say here?”

So please, go vote here and let your opinion be heard! I promise, there is more to this than me just wanting to see what post I’ve written is the best. You’ll just have to wait and see for yourselves =)

In case you didn’t hear, Stan’s got some new songs up over on his site. Registration is free (as are the downloads), so be sure to go and check them out once your done here. My personal favorite is the children’s The Flat Stanley Song he wrote for his brother’s third grade class. I still have yet to get that tune out of my head. I wonder as well how many stamps it would take to send something to the North Pole. I also hadn’t heard Less Than Words, which is a soft, floating melody that is perfect the way it is.

And I wish he’d written Know a year or two ago. That song really could have helped me out back then. I’m just sorry you had to go through the same situation as well bro. So yeah, go check out his site and download those three songs. The have the official Shyzer Stamp of Approval.

Last Sunday night witnessed the first all-nighter I pulled this semester as I attempted to finish the first draft of my senior thesis. I somehow downed two pots of coffee and didn’t even find myself remotely exhausted the next morning, which was a pleasant surprise. Needless to say, I took a nice four hour nap when I got home before doing some work for my uncle and moving on to the next task at hand. It’s right about then that I would normally be saying “I can’t wait until this semester is over and I finally have some time to relax in December, “but honestly, I’m enjoying life so much, I wouldn’t want to fast forward over any of it. Yeah, sure school work is overwhelming right now (I believe I’ve got 100 irregular Latin verbs to memorize by tomorrow or something. Man, if only I hadn’t given up cheating…), but there are so many things to look forward to in the coming weeks ahead, some of which will no doubt make their way onto Shyzer for the world to see and mull over.

Anyways, I would like to thank each and every person who voted for the Best of Shyzer that’s been going on for about three weeks now. I am still in the process of tallying all the results and weeding the nominations down to five for the final round. If you didn’t get a chance to vote during the first round, you’ll still be able to vote during the finals, which should be up and ready to go within a day or two!

But the real reason I’m making this post is to share with you all a general conversation I’ve had a few times recently. During various conversations, a few people recently brought up the topic of how they wished they could post on the tagboard or in the comments. I had no idea what they were talking about, but I soon figured out the misunderstanding and realized that there might be more people out there with the same confusion.

I just wanted to make sure everybody knows that in order to post on the tagboard or comments section, you do not need to have a website of your own.

If you want to write on the tagboard and don’t want to leave an e-mail or URL, you can leave that section completely blank and still leave a message. It’s not a required section whatsoever. Now for the comments section, like I said, leaving your mark is just as simple for those without a website as those with. However, I do have the security features jacked to the maximum setting, which is sadly the only way I can keep the spammers and computer bots from flooding my oh-so-precious posts with free offers for scantily clad women or chips for some on-line poker site. So what the means for you, the reader, is that all your information is required. Name, e-mail, website, and security code. But what if you don’t have an e-mail address or website? No worries! Just enter something random! Joe@aol.com works. So does neus93@inus.com It truly doesn’t matter. As far as the website goes, well all you have to do there is enter something random in! Or heck, I even give you permission to just put Shyzer.com if you want to.

And to ease the burden on my commenting visitors, I set up a nifty little feature. The first time you leave a comment, enter all the information into the boxes and select the option to the right to “remember your information.” Shyzer will immediately memorize the information you just typed in and so, the next time you go to comment using your computer, Shyzer will fill in your information for you! I honestly couldn’t make it any easier for you guys!

And with that, I’m off to sip some coffee, allow John Coltrane to sooth my soul, and memorize the Latin work for “to teach” among 99 other verbs…Till next time.

“You used to be so whiney. Well not even whiney, but mainly ‘then I did this, but I reaaaaaally didn’t want to, so I went and did this and then I went…’ It’s almost annoying to go back and read. Now you just talk to us. It’s like you’re telling us a story.” - My brother Tommy on the way my writing has progressed over the years since I opened Shyzer.

I sadly have to admit he’s slightly correct. I won’t go as far as saying my writing back then used to be whiney, but I was certainly influenced by the majority of blogs out there that are, well, wretchedly awful yet mysteriously popular. I’ve never hidden the fact that those were the types of blogs to which I was first exposed to, so it is no surprise that they were also the ones I first imitated.

What a mistake.

I quickly learned that the people visiting my site had no desire to return the next day. They were here to comment and put their link on my site. Sure it took me some time to realize it, but you can’t say that I never figured it out. Eventually I trashed all of their links and whittled down my links over there on the left to only those whose writing I truly admire and respect.

And that is when I realized that my posts needed to change as well. I decided to write on Shyzer like I write in real life. Sure, there were going to have to be subtle changes for security or privacy reasons, but it could be done. I slowly, but steadily, began to find my niche. Which is where this whole thing is leading up to. Two years ago, I made this post. Two years ago, Shyzer was born.

I really can’t believe that I’ve had Shyzer opened for two years now. It feels like I’ve had Shyzer around for much longer then that, but when I remember that two years ago I was a sophomore still living on campus, well, that makes it seem like ages ago. It’s amazing how much my life changed over these past two years and how much of it I share with the world now. Sure, I’m still a relatively private guy, but I’m nothing compared to the hermit I used to be. Of course I still type in my journal every night, but the boundary between what I talk about in private and what I talk about in public has been undoubtedly blurred thanks to Shyzer.

So I started thinking about the posts I’ve made here on Shyzer over the past two years and realized that Tommy had a point. The earlier posts I made, well…they sucked. They’re atrocious, horrific, downright pathetic. I can’t even stand to read most of them now. But surely, I must have finally started making some good posts, right? I mean, people wouldn’t have kept coming back had I not finally turned things around and began writing just a little bit better. So this thought brought me to this question: What’s the best post I’ve made on Shyzer over the years? Instantly a few came to mind, but there was no way I could pick one. It’s like forcing a parent to pick which child is their favorite (even though mine would easily say me without hesitation) and that’s just not fair. After a few days of mulling the question over, I finally realized that the best way to decide was to put it up to a vote. And that, my friends, is where you come in.

I’ve got every single post I’ve ever made printed out and stored in a ginormous binder, which Fellner likes to make fun of me for, that ass. Anyway, I pulled out the binder last week and flipped through each and every one of the posts I’ve ever made (over 300) and jotted down any that I thought were exceptionally well written or any that received unusually high amounts of feedback from the readers. I finally whittled the list down to 15 posts, which over the course of the following month will shrink to 10, five, three, two, and one, who will be crowned the supreme champion. It’s almost funny that I didn’t deem a single post written during Shyzer’s first 10 months to be worthy and that most of the posts on the list came during last spring. I also realized that many of the best posts I’ve ever made were about serious or important issues that struck a chord with me deep down in my heart. I guess the old clich, “talk from your heart” sometimes is true.

For reference, I’ve gone and linked all the posts in contention for the title, in chronological order. I’ve also included a short recap of all the posts just in case people don’t want to go back and read them all or can’t seem to remember what one or two were about. Once you have a rough idea of how you might want to vote, click here to go to The Shyzer Voting Page. Fill out all the information and rank the posts in order of preference, with 1 being the finest and 15 being the worst.

Part I & Part II of Gay Marriages - The first nomination goes to a dual entry that stretches a few months. The first part was posted back in August ‘03 and basically asserted my stance on the rights gays have to marry while the second part was posted in Feb. ‘04 and is being included because of the reaction it stirred up in the comments section.

I’m Back - The “comeback” post after my hiatus during the summer of ‘03. It essentially was the springboard from “crappy, meaningless posts” to “thought out, developed posts.”

Road Trip - A humorous recap of my Fall Break trip to Washington D.C. back in Oct. ‘03 that probably captures best some of the random things I say in real life.

The Catch - Basically a narrative of “the catch” I made back in November ‘03 during an intramural softball game. Also one of my personal favorites. =)

Don’t Put Fragile - A sarcastic take on my experiences from working at a UPS distribution facility for a few weeks in December ‘03.

Tan Nguyen - I had trouble deciding if I should include posts like this one, but in the end, I decided not to place a filter on the vote. It’s real life folks, as much as we might wish it weren’t. This post is basically a somber reaction to the knowledge that one of my best friends had passed away right after Christmas in ‘03.

Week 1 - The first post of 2004 to make the list is a recap of my week back home during Christmas and the events that led to a very bleak ending. I ended up getting much feedback on this post from people I never even knew read Shyzer, which definitely helped with the whole healing process.

Part I & Part II of The Creation Education Science Fair - Probably one of the best and most well received posts I’ve ever made. This two-part entry was made in Feb. ‘04 and basically cracks fun at one of the most extreme Christian groups I have ever encountered.

Jesus Christ - In a playful attempt to have a little fun with a movie and spoof on my look at the time, I showed how Mel Gibson’s Passion of the Christ was ruining my Jesus Impersonator career.

Reunion, Part I - The first of four posts on this list made in April of ‘04, this one talks about the special and complex relationship I’ve had with my father. Again, one of my favorite posts.

Reunion, Part III - I knew this post was going on here from the start, but I wasn’t sure why. In this post, I say Good-bye to my longtime girlfriend and wish her well in her future endeavors. I honestly believe it might be one of the best written posts I’ve ever made.

The Three Musketeers - In an attempt to lighten the mood, I posted on the trip my two younger brothers took down to Columbia to visit me. While I’m sure only us three find many of the references funny, I still felt it deserved to make the list.

RIP Pat Tillman - Again, I wasn’t exactly sure whether or not to include this. The post itself was written quickly while I was on the run and I felt I could have made it better, but I ended up receiving a few compliments over it saying that I seemed to capture my feelings better then most of the sportswriters out there.

Only In Spartanburg - Again, one of the best received posts I’ve ever made. Here, I mock the botched handling of a hostage situation in Spartanburg over the summer of ‘04 and the pathetic news coverage by FOX. The whole event easily ranks highly on the list of funniest things I’ve ever seen.

Part I & Part II of 24-14 - And rounding out the 15 posts is the final dual entry where I relive the great joy of seeing The Packers and Favre play in person for the first time ever!

So there you have it. Everybody is welcome to come and vote at The Shyzer Voting Page, which will remain active for at least a week. After time is up, I’ll post the statistics and begin round two!

Oh, and Happy Birthday Shyzer, even if it is already a day belated.

Okay, somebody recently sent out an e-mail to their friends or families or whatnot that had a link to Shyzer in it, because I am getting a ton of referrals from one specific e-mail from a lot of different e-mail providers, like Yahoo, Comcast, and Hotmail. But it won’t let me read the e-mail since I’m obviously not one of the persons who it was sent to and I want to know what it says!

So, this post is addressed to you, Mystery Sender. Thank you for spreading the joy of Shyzer to others. You, my friend, are always welcome here. =)

Let’s see a quick show of hands of all the people who thought I would never get a new layout up. That’s what I thought.

I’ve been talking about it for a week or two. Now it’s finally come into fruition. I was sick and tired of the total black with dark blue I had before, so I swapped the blue and some black out for the green you see on the top and side. I still have a little tweaking to do, so please, if anybody sees anything that looks screwed up or out of place, please comment and tell me about it so that I can fix it.

As you can see, I also shelled out some money to purchase a licensed Tag-Board, which means no more pop-ups, thank God. I still have to work on the archive templates, but for now, I’m off to go recruit people for baseball this afternoon. Duncan Park, 5 PM. Show up fools.

The Tag Board is down until further notice. I’ve been searching far and wide for a good tag board, or shout box, or chat box, or whatever the hell people call them. I’ve found a few free ones that have ads (no thanks), and few that are expensive (hell no), and a few that are relatively cheap with no ads (now I’m listening). I’ll probably end up dropping a few bucks a year on one, but it’s worth it if it will get rid of these damn pop ups.

So play nice in the Comments children.