Shyzer.com

That, my friends, is the official graphical representation of the Minnesota Fun Meter. If you don’t get it, don’t fret. Tommy knows what I’m talking about =)

We awake bright and early at the crack of 4:15 AM to catch our oh-so-early flight on Wednesday morning. Tommy and I sluggishly took our showers and threw our bags into the car and made our way to the airport. When we arrived at the check-in counter, something strange and truly creepy happened. We were given tickets. Right there. On the spot. For ALL of our flights. Let me break this down for those of you who don’t know me. I fly many times a year, but always on stand-bye. I have always taken full advantage of the free flights at my disposal, but with it comes the inherent risk of possibly not making the flight due to no empty seats. But not this time. We had tickets bought with frequent flyer miles my friend. It marked the first time in my life where I had my own ticket in advance. I honestly wanted to cry.

We got to D.C. and took the cattle train transportation vehicle over to the opposite side of the airport. Tommy and I decided we would try to cram onto the vehicle that was just leaving. The only problem was so did the next 25 people behind us. Tommy and I were literally laughing out loud as people were trying to cram their way past us. Our laughter soon spread as people told us we had too much energy for 7AM. That only made us laugh harder.

I now realize it was one of those “You had to be there” moments. Sorry for the inconvenience.

We rolled into Minneapolis around noon-ish and were whisked away by our Uncle Mike and our 14-month old Cousin Sam. Slight problem. Sam hated us. I personally think it was due to the fact that we looked like man-eating giants to him and he was just scared we were going to harm him. Our attempts to play with him didn’t calm his nerves, that’s for sure. We made one quick pit stop on our way home to purchase a toy that Uncle Mike severely wanted.

The Banana Boat

Words can’t explain to you how poorly this watercraft worked. At least, how poorly this watercraft worked when being pulled at speeds over 40 MPH. You see, Uncle Mike had also just purchased a new little toy in the form of a jet ski. A jet ski that traveled exceptionally fast. My pleas over the warning on the Banana Boat saying not to exceed 15 MPH seemed to fall on deaf ears, because the minute Tommy and I were in the water…well, we were flipped over into the water. We got back up, fell back down. Got back up, fell back down. It was kinda funny. The first 30 times.

We finally called it quits after we were thrown into the water for the 90th time going 40 MPH. Mike just COULD NOT go slow and found it hilarious when he would turn around and spot us bobbing up and down a hundred yards behind. He went back up to the house and Tommy and I jumped on the jet ski to cruise around the bay. I had forgotten how fun those things could be. We sped around checking out as many girls as we could find and finally had to come back to port due to no more go juice…I mean gas. Once we got back to the house, Mike gave Tommy $10 and told him to go play the slots. Turned out Mike had bought a Vegas slot machine and put it in game room. We quickly learned that Tommy is a compulsive gambler. He went from $10 to $5 to $60. He refused to stop while he was ahead. He is now broke. Idiot.

Thursday arrived bright and early as we were woken up by some form of torture from Mike. We had to get out of bed and head into Minneapolis again so that we could go to the White Sox-Twins game. The game was pretty good. For the first inning. The final score was 2-1 with all 3 runs being scored in the first inning alone. The rest of the game wasn’t even a pitcher’s duel. It was just a boring game. But I got to knock off one more stadium I’ve been to, bringing my grand total up to: I don’t feel like counting them!

The rest of the day was spent down on the lake. We even took his Ungodly huge yacht that is only beaten in size by possibly 20 out of 5,000 boats on the lake boat out for a spin. Nothing beats riding on the front of his boat, relaxing in the sun, and making all the little boats crash through our wake and almost capsize. Ahhh, good times.

And how could I forget! We bought another toy to pull behind the jet ski on Thursday. The Wake Warrior. Now don’t let the name mislead you. While its official name is The Wake Warrior, a more proper name would be The Death Tube. Why this name you might ask? I’m glad you did. You see, with the Banana Boat, you couldn’t go that fast, which is good, because Mike has a tendency to try and kill people for fun. Call it his hobby. The Wake Warrior, however, does not flip easily, which allows it to be pulled at speed exceeding 50 MPH. This, my friends, is equivalent to Death. Mike would floor the jet ski and sling the tube around behind it in a 180 degree turn. The force of the tube carried its speed well over 60 MPH and meanwhile, the occupants are forced to grip on for dear life because it feels as if it is about to fall apart.

Before I go any further, allow myself this I’m Not A Pussy disclaimer. I’ve been tubing before. Tubing is fun. A tube made to be pulled behind a boat and jump wakes is sturdy. It’s rugged and anybody with enough muscle to control their own weight can manhandle it enough to enjoy themselves. The Wake Warrior is honestly a pool toy. The plastic literally felt as if it was being ripped apart and you honestly had to just hold on for dead life since you had absolutely NO control over it. Tubing with a real tube behind a boat is fun. Wake Warrioring behind a super powered jet ski with Uncle Mike at the helm is a recipe for suicide.

Thursday night provided some comical relief as Mike, Tommy, and myself took the boat out for a little midnight spin. We parked the boat out in the middle of nowhere and just chilled for a while. Out of nowhere Mike pulls out some bottle rockets and Tommy starts begging to shoot them off. After a small debate, it was settled. Tommy could shoot them off only if he was in the water. Three minutes later, Tommy has on a size small generic orange Coast Guard life vest that wouldn’t fit a 5 year old, much less Tommy. I have photos, but Mike has to send me them. I literally haven’t laughed so hard at the sight of Tommy floating in the water, holding onto a rope so he doesn’t float away, shooting bottle rockets. Maybe this was another “You had to be there” moments, but trust me, the minute you see the pictures, you will laugh.

Once Friday rolled around, Mike and myself drove into Wisconsin to purchase some…slightly illegal fireworks. You see, Minnesota has some law banning any fireworks that are cool. Therefore, the historic adventure to Wisconsin was in order since they sell the cool fireworks. Now I’ve bought mortar fireworks down here in South Carolina before. But I’ve never bought anything like the ones we did. These babies were TRUE fireworks. I’ve Googled the hell out of it and can’t find any pictures that are even close to the mortars we had. They were dangerously close to the professional ones and frankly, Tommy and I couldn’t have had more fun with them. But that’s for another paragraph.

The rest of Friday was spent…you guessed it, on the lake! In fact, I pulled some of the best stunts of the trip on Friday when I followed Tommy and Mike behind the boat on the jet ski jumping their wake. Tommy attempted to jump them first and pussed out each time he was about to launch over them. Knowing full well that Mike would make fun of me if I did the same, I was forced to play balls to the wall and just gun it over the wakes. Lord did I get some air. I also ate the handlebars once or twice, but I try not to focus on those jumps as much. We also manage to play with Sam some. He finally got used to us and we spent a little while goofing off with him and doing silly faces and noises and he just ate it up. Aunt Michele busted out the camcorder and tried to fool us with the old “It’s off! Seriously! That red light?! Uh, it’s the off light!” routine, but we were onto her =)

Saturday it rained. Thank God. Because I don’t think I could have taken another day of Mike pounding the shit out of us. I practically killed myself jumping those wakes and frankly, I needed the rest. It was also on Saturday that I made a startling discovery. I’m not 15 anymore. Tommy wasn’t sore, had no fears, and was rearing for more. I, on the other hand, was guzzling the Advil and swearing we were about to die every 5 minutes. Since when did I get old?! Since when did I fear death? I missed the memo on that one.

Sunday rolled around, which meant Tommy and I were in heaven. We finally were going to be able to mass launch our 50 mortar shells, as well as the bottle rockets, whistlers, exploders, loudeners, and everything else we had. There was some parade I was forced to be a part of, but I refuse to even admit I ever partook in said parade. So that is all you will ever hear on that subject. We managed to shoot off every mortar and bottle rocket by night’s end, despite all the neighbor’s pleas to shut up and to not burn their yard down, etc. The night was capped off by a firework show on the lake. The city rented out a huge barge and put this long display of fireworks for all to see. One of the cooler sights was all the lights from the 8,000 or so boats on the lake. No joke, the official estimate was somewhere around 8,000. It was quite a sight.

I honestly had no desire to leave. Vacationing in Minnesota, on a gorgeous lake, with family and friends was just what I needed. Yet on Monday, our time was up, so Tommy and I packed our bags and quietly slipped out of the house in the wee hours of the morning. We didn’t get to say our good-byes since everybody was still sleeping, but we honestly could not have had a better time up in Minnesota and I couldn’t be more appreciative of everything Mike and Michele did for us. Thanks again you guys. =)

I know I left out a few things, but truthfully, I’m exhausted now. I had some wonderful conversations with my Uncle, confirmed the identity to Mojo, was paid a huge compliment on my writing abilities, ignored the stories about the cardboard and Cruiser’s Cove (which might have been the best spot on the lake =), and so many other things that I simply don’t have time to explain. I do, however, have quite a few new posts already typed up since I had not a thing to do tonight. I’m gonna be pretty busy this weekend, so the new layout probably won’t be put up, but expect the posts to keep rolling. Until then….

Whenever my siblings and I get together, we always wind up playing Catch Phrase over and over. For those of you who have never played before, it’s quite simple. 2, 4, 6, 73, or however many people you have split up into two teams. You sit in a circle and make sure that the order of people sitting goes Team A, Team B, Team A, Team B, etc. To play the game, you simply start the timer and try to describe the word shown on the Catch Phrase box. Once somebody on your team finally says the word, you pass it over to the next team and whichever team is left holding the Catch Phrase when the buzzer goes off fails to win a point. First to 7 points wins.

So as you can imagine, some hilarious moments can arise from such a game. For instance:

The teams are Tommy and Clay vs. Julianne and myself. Clay has the Catch Phrase and starts the buzzer as soon as he starts to describe this word…..
Clay: Okay, this is easy! It’s the place where four roads come together!
Tommy: Um, like a fork in the road?
Clay: No, no. Not just two roads, but four roads!
Tommy: What the hell are you talking about?! A stop light?! A street corner?!
Clay: No you dumbass! Okay, let me break this down for you. What’s the opposite of outer?
Tommy: Inner!
Clay: Right! Well the first part of this word sounds really close to that! Now for the second part! Okay…um…
The buzzer starts speeding up and buzzing louder
Tommy: HURRY UP!
Clay: I’M TRYING YOU IDIOT! Okay, when you buy a pizza, it comes in slices, but what’s another word for slices?! Come on you fool, this is easy!!!
Tommy: Um…Innerslices?! Innercity?! INNERPIECES!!!
Clay: NOOOOO! IT’S NOT INNER! YOU ARE SUCH AN IDIOT! IT’S WHERE FOUR ROADS MEET!!!!!!
Tommy: Innerstoplight? Innerroads? Innerstreet?
Julianne and I are rolling on the floor laughing since we both know the word and since the buzzer is going haywire now
Clay: IT’S NOT FUCKING INNER!
Tommy: I HAVE NO IDEA! YOU SURE IT’S NOT INNERPIECES?!
Buzzer sounds
Clay, Julianne, & Ryan: INTERSECTION YOU RETARD!!!!
Tommy: Oh……

I honestly don’t think we’ll let him live that one down for quite some time.

But as you can see, the siblings were down from Virginia this past week. I flew up to get them on Tuesday and brought them back down that night. We’ve just been hanging out here ever since, which is why I didn’t post over the weekend any. We did play a game of baseball yesterday and had such a good turnout that we’re gonna set another game up in two weeks. Tommy came through and brought a good 10 or so people out and we lucked out by having a few younger kids show up, so we had a decent 7 on 7. Next time we play, hopefully we can get a 9 on 9 and go over to Duncan Park to play on a real ball field.

And speaking of baseball, the rebuilding of the Mariners has officially begun. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little sad to see Freddy “The Chief” Garcia go. Like Mike Cameron, I had grown a little attached to seeing Freddy in a Mariners uniform and go out there ever 5 days and pitch for the M’s. But honestly, it was time for him to go. Not because he had outstayed his welcome in any way imaginable. Hell, he even got a little choked up during the press conference yesterday and wished there was some way he could stay here in Seattle. But the Mariners are done this year and Freddy’s a free agent this winter. It only made sense to trade him to a team who could use him and try to get some players back from him.

And did we ever! You’d be hard pressed to find a single person who knows anything about baseball that would say this is a bad trade for the Mariners. The Mariners got a major-league ready catcher and the 2003 Minor League Player of the Year for Garcia. I’m sincerely happy to be a Mariners fan for the first time in, what, a year? Finally, the Mariners make a move that doesn’t leave people going “What the fuck?”

Now if we can just find a way to bring back Freddy this winter… =)

I honestly don’t know what else to talk about. I’ve put off way too many things this past week. Most of it was due to the fact that my siblings were here, so I didn’t want to waste my time with them doing other things since I don’t get to see them but for a few weeks out of the year. So needless to say, I have about twenty thousand things piled up that need to get done, but I honestly don’t care.

Maybe I’ll get around to finishing that layout I told you about last week. The only problem is that Clay and Tommy both thought it looked stupid, so now I have to go back and change all the colors since they have convinced me it looks bad. Anybody interested in looking at it for me and giving me their opinion? Or maybe I’ll get around to finishing up one of the 20 or so half-typed posts I have on my desktop. Or maybe I’ll even get around to one of the many projects I’ve been planning for the past few months.

Or maybe I’ll just be lazy and refuse to do anything until after the 4th =)

I found the following over on Kate’s site. Now, I’m not going to say that President Bush is even close to being in the same category as Hitler and Mussolini, but I will say that he has created a nice sub-category beneath them where questionable leaders can collect together. And with that being said:

Dr. Lawrence Britt has examined the fascist regimes of Hitler (Germany), Mussolini (Italy), Franco (Spain), Suharto (Indonesia) and several Latin American regimes. Britt found 14 defining characteristics common to each:

1. Powerful and Continuing Nationalism - Fascist regimes tend to make constant use of patriotic mottos, slogans, symbols, songs, and other paraphernalia. Flags are seen everywhere, as are flag symbols on clothing and in public displays.

2. Disdain for the Recognition of Human Rights - Because of fear of enemies and the need for security, the people in fascist regimes are persuaded that human rights can be ignored in certain cases because of “need.” The people tend to look the other way or even approve of torture, summary executions, assassinations, long incarcerations of prisoners, etc.

3. Identification of Enemies/Scapegoats as a Unifying Cause - The people are rallied into a unifying patriotic frenzy over the need to eliminate a perceived common threat or foe: racial , ethnic or religious minorities; liberals; communists; socialists, terrorists, etc.

4. Supremacy of the Military - Even when there are widespread domestic problems, the military is given a disproportionate amount of government funding, and the domestic agenda is neglected. Soldiers and military service are glamorized.

5. Rampant Sexism - The governments of fascist nations tend to be almost exclusively male-dominated. Under fascist regimes, traditional gender roles are made more rigid. Divorce, abortion and homosexuality are suppressed and the state is represented as the ultimate guardian of the family institution.

6. Controlled Mass Media - Sometimes to media is directly controlled by the government, but in other cases, the media is indirectly controlled by government regulation, or sympathetic media spokespeople and executives. Censorship, especially in war time, is very common.

7. Obsession with National Security - Fear is used as a motivational tool by the government over the masses. Common fears are repeated over and over by government officials to its citizens as being a grave source of concern.

8. Religion and Government are Intertwined - Governments in fascist nations tend to use the most common religion in the nation as a tool to manipulate public opinion. Religious rhetoric and terminology is common from government leaders, even when the major tenets of the religion are diametrically opposed to the government’s policies or actions.

9. Corporate Power is Protected - The industrial and business aristocracy of a fascist nation often are the ones who put the government leaders into power, creating a mutually beneficial business/government relationship and power elite.

10. Labor Power is Suppressed - Because the organizing power of labor is the only real threat to a fascist government, labor unions are either eliminated entirely, or are severely suppressed.

11. Disdain for Intellectuals and the Arts - Fascist nations tend to promote and tolerate open hostility to higher education, and academia. It is not uncommon for professors and other academics to be censored or even arrested. Free expression in the arts and letters is openly attacked.

12. Obsession with Crime and Punishment - Under fascist regimes, the police are given almost limitless power to enforce laws. The people are often willing to overlook police abuses and even forego civil liberties in the name of patriotism. There is often a national police force with virtually unlimited power in fascist nations.

13. Rampant Cronyism and Corruption - Fascist regimes almost always are governed by groups of friends and associates who appoint each other to government positions and use governmental power and authority to protect their friends from accountability. It is not uncommon in fascist regimes for national resources and even treasures to be appropriated or even outright stolen by government leaders.

14. Fraudulent Elections - Sometimes elections in fascist nations are a complete sham. Other times elections are manipulated by smear campaigns against or even assassination of opposition candidates, use of legislation to control voting numbers or political district boundaries, and manipulation of the media. Fascist nations also typically use their judiciaries to manipulate or control elections.

Don’t be surprised if the next time you visit here you find a new layout. Don’t really be surprised if it never happens either. We all know how lazy I am. Well, honestly, it doesn’t have so much to do with being lazy as it does with I don’t even know where to start and get overwhelmed after 27 seconds of it. Anyways…

It’s a well established fact that I spent inordinate amounts of time on-line, surfing the web, typing random words into Google, etc. I usually bookmark anything cool I come across, which explains why I have over 300 sites bookmarked in my favorites folder. Every few months or so, I take a few hours and go through them deleting all the nonexistent sites and wondering why I even bothered to save some of them. Yesterday was one such day.

I was cruising through the folders, going down the alphabetical lists, trimming as many of the sites away as I could, when I came across one entry titled John Titor Time Traveler. I instantly remembered when and why I had bookmarked the site and figured I would take a gander at the site and see if anything had changed. 4 hours later and a good 10 or so more pages bookmarked, I was exhausted.

The Internet is full of hoaxes. Some mask themselves as scams through e-mail. Others fester on Geocities and Angelfire pages or the occasional message board thread. Probably 75% of them are started bored, pre-pubescent teenagers who think they are smarter then anybody. The lifespan from thought concept, to application, to being called out as a fake on these hoaxes last around 24 hours and are quickly forgotten about. You then have about 24.99999% of hoaxes that are either A) a well developed trick to try and pry money away from susceptible people or B) Well thought out stories concocted by your average, but smart, college student who just wants to screw with people. These hoaxes can sometimes last days, weeks, or even months. But soon, too many people hear about them, which ultimately becomes their down falling. They usually start on highly trafficked message boards and are posted by a user who has been a member for some time, thereby carrying with them some form of credibility. ”Hmmmm. Mike’s been posting here for a few years now and has never lied before. Why would he start now?” The better and more fantastic each hoax is, the faster and larger they spread and grow. Within hours it has jumped to other message boards. People flock to the original board in search of the truth, sometimes crashing the board’s server. Within days people are blogging about it on their own websites, which only flames the fire and gives the hoaxer more of the attention that he so desperately craves. Yet with the thousands of new people learning of the hoax each day, finally it happens. Somebody hears about the rumor, reads the original posts on the message board, and spots a discrepancy. They usually tend to know somebody or some information that your average person wouldn’t, which leads to a few web searches or phone calls to prove their suspicions. They join the message board, post their findings, and within hours the message is spreading. ”Did you hear? It was all a hoax! Some guy joined the message board and proved it was all fake!!” And while these hoaxes ultimately are proven fake, they sometimes linger as people continue to talk about “The Great UFO Hoax of ‘99” or whatever name it seems to have taken on. The original hoaxer has earned himself some type of lasting Internet fame, however weak it might seem to most people.

And then you have that 0.00001% of hoaxes. They are well planned. They are flawlessly executed. But most importantly, they are rarely proven to be a hoax. John Titor is such a case. I came across the John Titor story last January and ended up spending about two full days reading all the achieved posts he made and current stories and theories circling the web at the time. His posts began to occur in late 2000 and in March of 2001, he let everybody know that he was finally about to travel to his own time and that he wouldn’t be around any longer. He gave one or two people who he talked to the most on the message board a set of key phrases that they were to remember so that anybody in the future claiming to be him would be quickly proven a fake if they didn’t know the phrases and then he vanished.

In late November of 2000, a mysterious figure began posting on a public forum under the name TimeTravelor01, then under the name John Titor. He claimed to be a time traveler from the year 2036 and stated early on that he would only be here for a few months. People began to quickly question him, as you would imagine, and wanted to know why he was here and for proof that he was in fact from the future. He claimed to have actually traveled back to 1975 to obtain a computer part that was necessary for the survival of computers in the future and that he was only in 2000 since it was a stop he had to take before he could jump back to 2036. He claimed to hail from central Florida and be part of an elite group of capable time travelers. Knowing this really wasn’t any proof, he posted a few pictures of his “time machine” and even a photo of his supposed logo on the boards. He then opened himself up to questions.

Remember, he posted all of this in 2000. Before 9-11 The Patriot Act, The hatred for Bush, and The outbreak of Mad Cow Disease last year People wanted to know what the future was like and he wasn’t shy in predicting the future. 2036 is nothing like the world today. Titor explains that things in America begin to break down within a year or two. The government begins to shred the Constitution when they start violating people’s rights at will through the use of scare tactics. People who stay in the cities willingly subjugate themselves to these loss of freedoms under the guise of “protection” while those who see what is going on flock to the countryside. They begin to meld together and oppose the United State Government and in 2004, things start getting rough, as situations resembling Ruby Ridge and Waco begin to occur. During and following the elections in November 2004, a full scale Civil War will erupt and drag out for years. By 2008 the war will be indisputable and by 2012, every citizen will be involved. Along the way the United States continually angers the outside world and it is soon thrown into chaos as nobody knows who truly runs the most powerful nation in the world. With the loss of support from their Western Allies, Israel will be attacked by neighboring countries. The European Union begins to bond heavily while shunning outsiders, Russia begins to militarize, and China takes advantage of her weak surrounds by spreading and conquering. The unstable global situation continues until 2015, when Russia finally launches a barrage of nuclear warheads on American cities. America quickly responds in kind and within a few short days, the Second American Civil War has ended with the “rurals” winning.

Almost every major city in the world is destroyed or uninhabitable due to radiation and the world quickly decentralizes. America is broken into 5 large provinces and people all across the globe break apart and resort to living in small, close-knit communities. A form of socialist society begins to form as money stops being the largest driving force in the economy. Families work hard and long at their jobs, for instance in farming, hauling, or just manual labor. In return, they are given power, water, and food from other farmers. The Internet is still widely used to communicate with the outside world, but most forms of entertainment are on the communal level.

Life begins to mellow out. People are no longer lazy since if they become so, they will be shunned and forced to leave the village. Life is difficult, but people are happy. And then people begin to drop dead. It takes a while to figure out what is going on, but they soon learn that the common link among all the dead is the fact that they are heavy meat eaters. After some more analysis, they realize the cause is Creutzfeldt-Jakob Disease, otherwise known as Mad Cow Disease. Apparently CJD has a latent period of 10 to 30 years. Meat becomes a rarely ate food, although they learn how to prevent and properly prepare the meat so as to avoid CJD. Still, many people are still scared and refuse to eat it.

But of course other questions were raised to Titor. How and when was time travel discovered? How were the multiple theories supposedly disproving time travel themselves disproven, like the Grandfather Paradox for instance? Well, Titor explains that scientists soon discover how to build microsingularities, which are in essence tiny black holes, which are then used in pairs to create time machines. Titor pointed out that by 2007 it would be clear microsingularities would be able to be created, but it wouldn’t actually happen for another decade or so due to the world events. As for all of the Time Travel Theories? Well, Titor “puts them to rest” by noting that the Multiple-Worlds Theory ends up being true. Quick lesson here kiddos for those who never read up on time traveling as kids. The MWT pretty much says that there is an infinite number of realities out there. Every time there comes a point where a decision must be made, no matter if the decision is which cereal Jonnie should buy or whether or not to invade Iraq, a new worldline is created. In the current worldline, whatever decision is made happens. In the newly created worldline, the other decision is made. So in theory, a new worldline was just created where the Goob living there did not take a sip of water unlike me since I just did. Another new worldline was just created where the Goob living there did not type that last sentence. See what I’m getting at? If any of you watched the show Sliders a few years ago, it’s kind of like that.

So, similar wordlines may be thought of as alternate realities in which details may vary ever so slightly, but some worldlines may diverge drastically apart. Titor explains that when the time machine operates, it navigates through these alternate realities, and time travelers try to stay as close to possible to their original worldline. Their success is measured in percent divergence from their original worldline and Titor explained that we are just a few percent divergence away from his original worldline. However, since there are so many worldlines, the chances of ever returning to his exact worldline is virtually impossible. Instead, he will only come amazingly close.

According to Titor, while he believes we are headed for and will experience the same major disasters he knows from his history since our timelines are so similar, we still have the power to alter our reality as we choose: we do have free will. Because there are an infinity of universes where all different choices are played out anyway, it therefore wouldn’t harm anything if we did take steps to intelligently modify our future, and that is also why Titor felt he could do no harm by slightly modifying this reality by revealing himself here. As logic deducts from his story, technically there is going to be a timeline out there where he comes forward and reveals himself, so why not make it this timeline?

Titor of course made many other references to what life was like in the future as well as things we here in our current time should do to prepare for the future. I’m not going to go into them all because frankly it would take too much time.

So what do I think? Were we really visited by a time traveler or was this some elaborate trick that has never been unveiled. Well, in a nutshell, it’s one of the best hoaxes I’ve ever come across that has lasted due to a combination of thorough preparation and luck timing. First, if you go back and read his answers, you’ll see that he never really answers many questions. He’s asked more then once why he is so obsessed with the Constitution and his response is always something like ”Why? Why SHOULDN’T I be and why shouldn’t you? This is YOUR freedom we are talking about. YOUR liberty. It’s very important.”

Yeah, that’s great and all, but you really didn’t answer the question Titor. Anybody can put Constitution + Freedom = Important, but you still haven’t told us what happens to truly make you obsessed with it. He does this with many, many questions asked. He is also asked to make predictions and when you look at all of his predictions made, you see that while they are somewhat descriptive, they are also vague. Take the predictions I made here. Besides the “Russia will launch nuclear missiles at America in 2015,” there aren’t any concrete predictions made. Remember, he made his predictions after President Bush stole the election, so it wouldn’t have been too hard to conjure up the idea that when he came up for reelection, those who opposed him to begin with, which outnumbered his supporters, would do everything in their power to make sure he didn’t steal another election. 90% of his predictions fail to mention dates and the other 10% only mention that by such and such year, it will be clear that it is going on. Clear to who? Clear to him? Clear to me? Clear to those who are so involved in it they don’t notice that others aren’t? Clear? He also mentions how the multiple worldlines offer the possibility that these things might not happen.

Convenient.

In the 10th grade, I checked a book out of the library to do a book report on titled “Alas Babylon.” It’s a 1959 book centered on a male protagonist named Randy living alone in central Florida who receives warning of a possible Russian nuclear attack from his brother in the military. The brother sends his family to live with Randy for the time being and within a day the country has been bombed. The rest of the book centers on the struggles of those who survive and ultimately tries to convey the morale that survival is possible if you are willing to work for it and sacrifice many things. In fact, I liked this book so much, I went out and bought it, gave a copy of it to my brother as part of his Christmas present this past year, and am currently using it again as reference for one of my ongoing projects. No, the writing isn’t superb, but the story is what carries the book alone. But, anybody who has read this immediately should have red flags going up in their minds when they read the Titor stories. Both are from central Florida, both live on a river, both talk about community based survival, both talk of Russian nuclear attacks, etc.

And finally, take the predictions Titor didn’t make. He could have ghostly referenced 9-11 somewhere, which few would argue was the springboard for the current state of affairs. He could have mentioned the war in Iraq, the Patriot Act, etc. He could have just once not used vague and frail references to future events and just come out and say “There will be a terrorist attack later this year that will shock the world” or “Trust me, you aren’t finished in Iraq. You’ll see in 2003.” Yes, I realize these sentences are just as vague as some of the ones he actually did say, but when you think about it, that makes them all the more likely to have been something he would have said had he truly known about the future.

And yet here I sit, having written four pages full pages, about something I think is a hoax? Why? Why is it that after four pages I have yet to truly and without a doubt prove that the John Titor story is a hoax? It’s because he did such a wonderful job on it. He researched and debated the scientific ends of time travel, he studied and knew his character down to the fine hairs. He never slipped his story up and while he never fully answered many questions, he never once dodged a question blatantly or refused to answer. He answered the questions in a timely fashion, never once tried to sell anything or push his beliefs onto anybody and he left when he said he was leaving, never once returning to try the old “Well, I was on another mission and THIS time I had to make a pit-stop in 2002, so I figured I’d get back on here and talk to y’all again!” routine. But best of all, he set his hoax up to where it could only be disproved through time. It would take a full 5 or 6 years to see whether or not his first prediction would come true and he made enough vague promises to fill those years that of course came true when you looked at them after-the-fact. Sure, 5 or 6 years is no Voynich Manuscript, but you have to remember that 5 or 6 years on the Internet can turn into an eternity.

So go Google John Titor and see what turns up if you’ve got some time on your hands. I promise you’ll be entertained for at least a little while and who knows, maybe one of you will be the one who can finally disprove this whole hoax once and for all. For anybody still interested, the main source of debate and discussion on Titor can be found on this message board.

Told ya I wasn’t done blogging =)

So how about that last Friends episode? You know, I really thought they should have…

Hahaha, gotcha.

School is officially over for me. I had my last exam today, which was a great feeling. I wasn’t too nervous about it, since like I stated before, I’d reached that point this semester where I ceased to give a rat’s ass about my classes. At least now I don’t even have to care about not giving a rat’s ass. I’m moving back to Spartanburg this weekend for the summer, which means I am in the midst of packing as we speak. You never realize how much shit you have until you’re forced to drag it all out into a massive heap in the middle of your room and shove it into boxes for the transport. I’ve already filled two garbage bags full of shit I’m getting rid of and another box full of shit to pawn off at the Flea Market. If I can make $20 from it all, I’ll be happy.

I’m still not entirely sure what I’m doing this summer. I have a pretty good idea, but as with everything else in my life, I’ve been known to suddenly change my mind at the last second and take the foolish/exciting path. It’s still a possibility for this summer, but we’ll have to see.

I actually spent last night typing up 3 separate posts for the upcoming week. 1 serious, 1 funny, and 1 kinda both. I also am rounding up Tommy’s friends to help participate in the First Annual Shyzer Fundraising Drive. I’m low as hell on cash (I know. Shocker.) and there’s a few things that I want to add to Shyzer, but they of course want current, authentic currency in exchange. Since those new 50 dollar bills the government released totally destroyed my counterfeiting ring, I’ve been forced to go to Krispy Kreme and tell them that Shyzer Inc. is a non-profit organization that helps in the study and preservation of South Carolina culture. I’ll give you all time to stop laughing. Hey, the argument could be made that my semi-regular posts help archive the chronicles of a 20-something year old male’s struggle and triumphs while growing up in South Carolina, thereby giving younger and older generations access and insight to mind of my generation. Of course, I’ll make up a better bullshit when I make my final pitch to Krispy Kreme, but I’m confidant in my lying abilities. I’ve been brushing up on my skills in the past few weeks in preparation for my final meeting however. You might see this post disappear in the near-future for a week or two. I wouldn’t want anybody from KK coming over here and realizing that I’m not as authentic as they will soon believe.

Now leave some comments for me, will ya? I like to know I still have a few readers =) Oh yeah, if anybody wants a 3 year old answering machine or some blue jeans from my early high school days, come on out to the Flea Market next weekend. I’ll be there with the rest of this shit I have.

I went back home to Spartanburg last night to see SevenMoore play together at Spring Fling. To say they sounded good would be a massive understatement. Hopefully they’ll be playing more this summer and to all those who will be home this summer, you’ll most definitely have to come out with me to some of the 7M and Jackson Crossing gigs. You will most certainly enjoy yourself (just ask Lee and Chong).

I came back this morning surprisingly enough to get some studying in today. I didn’t learn nearly as much as I had hoped to, but I have finally reached that burnout point where I don’t give a flying fuck anymore. I stress out over whether I make an A or B+. I sit here and calculate how much GPA will change with or without the 0.5 point for a 3 hour class when I’m taking 12 hours. I sit there and analyze why in the hell I made a B instead of a B+ on my test and I finally come to the conclusion that it was because I missed such and such day’s notes, thereby guaranteeing I’d miss 5 questions that dealt with that material. I have no idea why I do this to myself. Does it really matter that much? Do I even really give a fuck? Honestly. Besides being able to answer the question of “What’s your GPA?” proudly, why the fuck do I care? I’m not going to Law school. I’m not going to grad school. I highly doubt a company is not going to hire me because my GPA isn’t a 4.0 and if they wouldn’t, well I don’t want to work there anyway….so why do I care? I shouldn’t.

And yet for the majority of the semesters, I do.

I worked on answering some more of those questions. This is your last chance to ask me 3, because the answers to the ones already asked are going up tomorrow night. So get ‘em in before it’s too late. The answers I’ve typed up so far are ungodly long though. I’m already 7 pages deep in the Word document I have been typing them on. So be ready to read tomorrow night. And with that, I’m off to bed.

So here we are, the final weekend before exams and the end of my junior year of college. I won’t go into how unbelievably lightning fast these past three years seem to have flown by and how I’m slightly depressed I only have one year left. Instead, I’m going to treat you to an inside, behind the scenes look at an event that is highly misunderstood and rarely occurs. This said event had been in the planning stages for about a month after Neal tossed the idea around one night and once the details were settled on, was highly anticipated. The week leading up to it seemed to crawl along slower then molasses flowing uphill and once the plans actually took fruition, seemed to fly by faster then Ichiro. I’m of course talking about Man Weekend.

We needed a weekend to just get away and relax with only just us guys and Neal’s mountain house appeared to be a God send. When Friday afternoon finally rolled around, I was all too eager to pile into Tucker’s truck with Chris and head for the mountains. We hit up the cigar store and then made our way up to Bat Cave, NC. I’m sure you’ve all seen the highway signs on the Internet that make some smartass comment about it like “Isn’t the Bat Cave supposed to be hidden? Maybe we should send this to the Joker” or some shit like that.

One exceptionally funny thing occured on the way there. We had gotten lost once or twice and the road to the house was about 10 times longer then we were anticipating, so it felt like we were going the wrong way the entire time. Plus, you know how those winding mountain roads are. One mile on those can feel like five. Anyways, we finally made it to the gravel road and made our turn onto it. We drove past the first and second homes and came to a small fork in the road. One way went left, looked like a dead end, and was named differently then the raod we were on. The right path looked like a real path, had the same name, and since Neal had said nothing about switching roads, we figured that was the way to go. We were the lead car of 3 and so we turned right and headed that way. Well, the road quickly became a dirt path so small that our truck was in danger of falling off the edge. The road looked as if it hadn’t been traveled on in quite some time and yet I was sitting there telling Tucker it had to get better soon. Of course, I started dieing laughing as it became aparant we were not only on the wrong road, but there was nothing we could do about it since Phil and Jay were right behind us. This wasn’t the type of road you go back in reverse on and so we kept pressing on. Until we reached the end. Literally. The road became a forest and we were stuck. We all got out laughing our asses off at our misfortunes and slowly devised a way to turn the cars around. I don’t know, you had to be there I guess. It was funny. Trust me. Funny enough for me to pull my camera out and take pictures.

After dinner and a hilarious trip to Wal Mart, we came back to the house for a night of cards, cigars, and crude jokes. We dined on 13 cent ramen noodles, boxes of goldfish, and more Pop Tarts then I have ever seen in my entire life. We were living large and throwing caution into the wind.

Saturday was a blur full of sleeping in, NFL draft watching, playing baseball, naps, and a Spades tournament that we never finished. It all started off with me waking up to a loud, ear piercing, shattering sound. I had fallen asleep in the chair out in the living room and it took me a few seconds to realize where I was and why my eyesight was all blurry (I’d left my contacts in). By then everybody was laughing and I had no idea why. Well, Mr. Leesill had apparently woken up in the next room and tried to quickly stand up. The only problem was that the light fixture didn’t agree with his head’s flight plan and so they collided. Lee won. That fixture never stood a chance. We soon got ready and went to the ball field nearby. Once we got on the field and started tossing the ball around, we quickly noticed there was a problem. The grass in the outfield had gone approximately 49 months without being trimmed, so groundballs literally died within 5 feet after entering the outfield. It made for a very interesting game of baseball. I’ve posted a picture of the field in the new pictures section, so be sure to go see what I am talking about.

Tucker did a very mean thing Saturday night. A few of us went outside to throw the baseball around before the sun went down. Tucker and I were throwing and the ball we were using was of course Circuit City. For those of you who don’t already know, Circuit City has grown to be a kind of special baseball of mine. It got it’s name from the fact that it’s a Circuit City baseball that had the CC logo on it before we wore it off from throwing it so much. I like Circuit City. He’s a good baseball and I’ve chased after him and climbed through poison Ivy one too many times. That’s how special he is. Which is why Tucker felt the need to try and screw with me. As we were walking in, he asked me how angry I’d be if he chucked Circuit City into the woods. I told him I wouldn’t speak to him for 3 months if he did. He looked at me, shrugged, smiled, and launched it. I heard a loud clunk as CC hit a tree deep in the woods and I was shocked. I had never seen Tucky do something so mean and you all know how unbelievable stubborn I can be, so here I stood, realizing that I now could not talk to Tucker until the end of the summer. I walked inside and wouldn’t answer him for the 10 of so minutes that he tried talking to me. As I was walking out of the kitchen looking down at my dinner trying to desperately balance it on the plate, I walked right into a hand holding Circuit City. That bastard had just thrown a rock and wanted to see if I really would go on ignoring him. He laughed, I cursed, and all was forgiven.

I’m still planning my revenge.

We all left fairly early on Sunday. Well, scratch that. We planned on leaving early Sunday. In fact, Tucker had set his alarm for 8:30 and was supposed to wake the rest of us up. So when I rolled over and looked at my watch which read 11:00, I knew we were a little behind schedule. But we eventually hit the road and my next destination was Charleston. The minute I walked into my apartment, I changed clothes and jumped in my truck for the 90 minute drive that ensued. You see, Caitlin and I were talking on IM the Thursday beforehand and she threw out the idea of coming down to South Carolina for the weekend since the TAs in Madison were on strike. Well, she decided to go through with her plan and therefore, I was on my way to Charleston to see her and Jess!

I pulled into Charleston around 4:30ish and hung out with Jess and Caitlin for the rest of the night. We just sat around, made fun of whatever was on the TV, and caught up on old times. It was great seeing Caitlin again. It had been a good year or so since we’d seen each other last and it was just nice being able to talk with her in a non-IM fashion. I hadn’t seen Chloe in a while either, so that was nice as well. It made me want to get a dog even more, which made me want to get a house for next year even more, which reminded me that I had yet to do that. I’ve missed Chloe over the past year…she’s a kick ass dog. And of course, it was nice getting to see Jess too. I think I’ve missed her just as much =) I wasn’t sure if I was leaving that night or early the next morning, but soon Jess got the idea to call Elton. He was busy for the rest of the night, but they made plans on us all getting together in the morning for breakfast at 8. My decision was made.

We woke up the next morning to Elton canceling on us since he had so much work to do. There was no way I was getting up that damn early just to drive back to Columbia, especially when I didn’t have to be back until the afternoon to tutor. There was, however, one slight problem. My truck didn’t want me leaving then either. Yeah, I had a little trouble with her, but I finally got her feeling better and made my way back to Columbia after a weekend well spent.

Sorry this post kind of fizzled out there at the end. I’m exhausted, but I promised I’d have this post up before I went to bed. I’ll be posting a list of quotes from Man Weekend and attempt to explain why they are funny, but don’t be surprised if you don’t get most of them. I’m heading back home tomorrow for the first Seven Moore concert in over a year. For anybody who will be home, they are playing at Spring Fling, so get your asses out there and join me in the front row with Chong, Lee, and Tucker. You all still have a day or two to get your three questions in before I answer and post them, so hurry up and do that.

My good friend Caitlin sent me a survey the other day about Southernism and asked if I would fill it out for her. But I figured I could do more then that for her, so I’ve posted the survey here for all to take. Just download the or jot down the questions and e-mail your answers back to me: Shyzer AT shyzer DOT com. Include your name and where you live so that I can compile the results I get into an e-mail back to Caitlin.

I’m sure she’d appreciate as many people taking the survey as possible, so if you’ve got just a few minutes of free time, please do. Thanks everybody.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

SKIN’S BEEN CANCELLED! How oh how could they drop this show after only 3 episodes? Did they finally realize that in the first episode alone, they wasted every ounce of material they had for at least 2 whole seasons? Did they realize it was their version of Couplings? Or were they just trying to shatter “Falcone’s” record for “Most promos shown during a prolonged sporting event versus number of actual episodes that made the air?”

Or, did they realize that HIS FATHER’S THE DISTRICT ATTORNEY!!

And in the great words of Fellner: “Well, his father was the district attorney.”

I’m heart-broken.

Oh yeah, I’m training for a marathon now. More details to follow.