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I’m usually good about not watching promos for upcoming TV shows that I love. I hate being spoiled about anything, even if it’s simply a bunch of half second shots of random scenes. I don’t want to see it! But I’ve never quite been able to stop from watching the LOST promos every chance I get and as tonight’s episode wrapped up, I couldn’t help but notice the helicopter flying directly into the storm next week.

“Well, that’s cool, it totally plays into the Mirror Moon Matter theory!”

Long story turned into a simple sentence, some dude came up with an idea, researched it, discovered some pseudo-science that the creators of LOST have admitted being interested in, and came up with a damn convincing argument as to what the hell is going on in LOST. Well, kinda. I should say, the best argument yet, by far.

If you hate LOST, stop right here and I’ll see ya tomorrow. But if you’re as obsessed with the show as I am, you need to go read everything in that link above. I’ll wait. Yeah, I know, it’s long. But it makes sense! Oh, come on, you still need convincing in order to read that much? How about this:

Things The Theory Answers
The black smoke
How to get on the island
How to get off the island
Why the button had to be pressed every 108 minutes
The whispers
Why the missile took an extra 31 minutes to reach the island
How crazy things, like the Black Rock and Yemi’s airplane, ended up in the middle of the island
Why various characters can see and interact with things that aren’t there, like teenage Walt, the horse, Jack’s dead father, Jacob’s cabin, etc.
Things that are “clues” or “shout outs” to the theory, such as character names, the four-toed foot, the Apollo Bars, DHARMA’s name, etc.
Why the LOST logo twirls like it does at the start of each episode
The hieroglyphs
And more…

So there. Go read it and join me below.

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While sitting in a Chinese government office this week, I found myself distracted by the Chinese version of CNN being blared at around 900 decibels throughout the building. My BOSE noise canceling headphones work great on jet airplanes at 30,000 feet, but they couldn’t shake the Asian Soledad O’Brien. After conceding defeat, I figured I’d just stare at the screen a while and see what I could learn and the only thing I discovered is that China has a huge hobby for ripping off American commercials. For instance, remember this commercial below?

Click To Play

Yeah, the official Beijing 2008 Olympics Committee totally ripped that off, except they found a way to make an even cheesier and longer version with worse actors and more absurd scenarios, like a little Chinese boy running through the streets chasing his soccer ball only to be saved by an aware driver who slams on the brakes at the last minute. Quick cut to another guy standing on the curb and staring at this little Kodak moment with eyes aglow. Now, call me old fashion, but isn’t that just called being a good driver? Is it common practice in China for drivers to mow down any pedestrian in the street at will? Because otherwise, that little act of kindness was probably executed out of the driver’s desires not to end up like Jack Bauer instead of helping his fellow man.

It got better though, as one of the good deeds was done by a man walking down a crowded street and picking up a recently dropped apple by the woman in front of him, who promptly thanked the good Samaritan and chomped right into the tasty snack. Oh, I left out the part where the apple was dropped IN A PUDDLE ON THE STREET. But hey, China only has 16 of the 20 most polluted cities in the world. I’m sure it was perfectly healthy.

Halfway through the commercial (it was honestly about 90 seconds long), I asked the guy next to me if he noticed it as well and we spent the next hour dissecting every ad we saw as there were plenty. McDonalds has a campaign that basically rips off The King from Burger King, except it’s not nearly as funny and his face will most certainly haunt my dreams. And even though I have no idea what they were saying, Chinese car commercials looked to be just as annoying as their American counterparts. Glad to see that crappy ads screaming at you to buy a new truck is a global experience.

Yeah, so Jericho’s back. Officially. They’ve got it slated as a seven or eight episode mid-season replacement, but if the initial Fall schedule goes poorly, it could be back as soon as October. If the ratings are good, CBS has promised to pick it up for a full season and yet if the ratings are bad, the show’s main writer has said they’ll be able to wrap it up and end it instead of leaving us with yet another unbearable cliffhanger.

But this post isn’t meant to bask in the glow of the awesomeness that is the Internet grassroots campaign that saved one of my favorite shows. No, wait…yeah. Yeah, it is. But because I love you, I’ll just keep this short and funny. So, you can either click the more link below or go directly to the source in order to read two of the best “could have happened” conversations ever.

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Oh please, oh please, oh please.

Jericho fans, if this comes through…I can’t even begin to describe the implications it would have on future television shows. If nothing else, it’s brought attention to how poorly run many networks are operated and how shitty their methods are for determining who is watching what.

Battlestar Galactica, which I anointed as the Best Television Show Ever last season, will officially end after their 4th season in 2008.

And you know what? I’m not crushed. Hell, I wasn’t even that bummed when I initially heard the news and here’s why: This means BSG can now only go out on top and with a bang. Think for a minute, when was the last series finale that you were absolutely thrilled with after it aired? Seinfeld’s was kind of stupid, as was Friends’ and West Wing’s. Many shows that are hits stay on the air until they become stale or, more importantly in the network’s eyes, stop making money. Hell, the only thing worse than a great show being canceled too early is when a network or creator refuses to let it die. I’M LOOKING AT YOU, MATT GROENING!

So when a writing staff or executive producer has the gaul to come out and say, “You know, we’re doing great, but let’s not drag this thing out too long. How about we just go out on top?,” you have to applaud them. LOST did this a few weeks ago, announcing they were only going to make three more seasons before they called it quits and I have a hunch that in the not too distant future, more and more shows are going to be doing this, which is fantastic.

Viewing habits of most Americans have drastically shifted in the past three years, what with the rise of TiVo, iTunes, torrents, YouTube, and cable plans with millions of channels. As a result, we’re more accustomed to not only watching TV whenever we want, but skipping the crap we don’t like and finding alternative shows. Thus, more and more dramas like BSG and LOST are going to have to plan ahead and know where the hell they’re going if they expect to keep things not only fresh, but exciting as well for their viewers. As a result, we’re left with fewer “filler” episodes that shows always air in months like October and April and instead get seasons where the plot is moved significantly all year long.

From the marketing aspect, it’s also a smart move. When shows like ER and Desperate Housewives have no real end date in sight and the story just seems to keep dragging on and on, it’s easy to kind of shrug and not get excited about a new episode. (Not that I watch either of those) But even if the end date is far in the future, just having that date set in stone makes it a bit easier to go, “Hell, there’s not that many new episodes left, I’m gonna watch this!” On the flip side, competition between advertisers may increase as they know there is only a limited number of shows left where they can pitch their product. Of course, this won’t work as well on some shows as others, but a smart ad ex could certainly work some magic if they knew what they were doing. I bet Travelocity or Expedia would pay a little more if they knew Amazing Race only had two more seasons left or Chevy would sponsor more episodes if 24 was only having a few more days (which, after this last season, needs to happen. Seriously, that show sucks now, but whatever.)

So bravo, BSG. I can’t fraking wait to see what happens next and how this epic show actually ends.

So they did it. Jericho was left off of CBS’s Fall lineup. Turns out the final words of “FIRE!” uttered by Jake weren’t orders to his rag tag bunch of commandos, but instead was a suggestion as to what I should douse the heads of CBS with.

I wish I could say I was boycotting CBS, but Jericho was the only show I actually watched on that sorry excuse for a network. To hell with you, CBShit. I know, I’m so witty and clever, I sometimes even surprise myself. But do you know what the best part of it all is?

There’s actual a fairly large backlash against CBS going on right now.

It started with a petition that’s already up to 50,000 signatures. The official message boards for Jericho on CBS.com say a huge spike in users, both old and newly registered, who came together to voice their disdain. Before long, the phone number for every CBS executive was plastered all over the web and despite calling them all dozens of time, I’ve yet to be able to leave a voicemail message since they are constantly filling up within minutes of being emptied.

New websites, such as Jericho Lives, Save Jericho.info, and Jericho Rally Point, have popped up and are sharing ways for people to voice their opinion. Hell, a few thousand people have even started an old fashioned letter campaign (I sent mine off a few minutes ago.)

Chances are none of this will make a difference and then again, who the hell knows. It’s entirely within the realm of possibility that CBS might see this and rethink their decision. Or maybe another network, such as TNT or SciFi, will look at the 8 million viewers Jericho routinely pulled in and figure that’s not a bad draw for a cable network show. We can only try, right?

In the mean time, I’ll be off hitting redial on my phone for the next few months.

At least, they will be if they actually cancel Jericho, the show that went from being a guilty pleasure to a “Holy Hell, it’s 8:00 on Wednesday night…YES!!!!!!”

I’d give up any other show, sans Battlestar Galactica and maybe Heroes, if that meant Jericho would be around for a few more seasons. We’ll find out within a week or so if it’s coming back. Until then, I’m off making a CBS voodoo doll just in case.

So over the course of the past two and a half months, I’ve managed to watch 5 full seasons of The Sopranos. I had never watched it before, but with all the recent press of it finally coming to an end someday soon and tons of friends telling me I’d love it, I finally caved in and have almost caught up to where the new episodes are now.

And I gotta say, after every episode I find that I’m more hungry than I am impressed.

Look, it’s not a bad show. It’s better than most of the crap out there, even. But…it’s just so damn slow. We’re talking actual hour long shows here, thanks to HBO’s no commercial breaks, that tend to sometimes drag and at the end of an episode there may have been one scene that moved the plot along, if we’re lucky. Otherwise it was just another episode where we were stuck listening to Tony bitch and moan in therapy about his mom or watching as his gomba friends wack and kill red shirt characters as they build up this huge plot arc where something cool and exciting might finally happen and then!!!…….it all goes away by a convenient deus ex machina. A character has a stroke or the feds make a bust or Tony has a talking fish dream (I wish I was kidding) and suddenly everything the season spent building up is washed away.

This show must have been freaking mind-numbing as hell to watch in real time. Seriously, I think people tuned in for the first season, realized the show had potential, and then kept watching while telling themselves it was about to blossom and take off just any day now. By the end of a season, they just stare at disbelief as the final episode fades out with a weak as hell cliff hanger, at best, and they wonder what the hell just happened to one of their favorite shows. But those network executives over at HBO were smart, as they made people wait almost a full year for new episodes every time. Of course, by then, people had forgotten all about their disappointment over the previous season and instead could remember nothing but their bright optimism they had in the beginning.

Wash, rinse, repeat.

Of course, I feel all of this for a show that not five minutes ago I typed “it’s better than most crap out there.” Plus I still ended up plowing through 63 hours worth of footage in 75 days, so you might think that ultimately says something more than what I’m saying now. But don’t let that fool you.

I just chalk it up to that small sliver of hope I’ve still clinging onto.

Because so help me God if something doesn’t actually fucking happen in season six…..

Let me just get this straight. Don Imus is no longer on TV or the radio for making an insensitive comment.

Glen Beck and Nancy Grace, however, are still going strong despite the former’s repeated attack on Islam and calling a newly elected Islamic Congressman a terrorist and the latter having spent a year screaming that the three recently acquitted Duke lacrosse players should be castrated, hung, and never thought of again.

Just making sure I had my facts right here.

We all know 24 has been one of my favorite shows ever since I was first exposed to it during an 18-hour marathon viewing session of season 1, which was capped off by my buddy Chong’s dad coming downstairs at 5AM and screaming, “Alex, go to bed. You, go home!” Heck, I’m not even so much a 24 fan as I am a Jack Bauer fan. He’s like the Favre of killing bad guys.

Last season was a bit of a drag though, I must admit. The highlight of the season’s “threat” were a few cans of nerve gas that induced diarrhea or suffocation or something and the bad guys had enough to bomb 12 malls or 3 Super Wal Marts or something. Kinda lame… Though even that was better than the season before, where every few weeks the terrorists had a new weapon that never worked and by the end of the season, they hadn’t done much of anything besides manage to piss off Bauer. Great job, guys.

But with this season, after nine episodes, it looks like we’re back to the 24 of old. The baddies inflict some major damage early on in the season and are trying to do even more. (this time, with some handy, light-weight, compact suitcase nukes. I think this is a market LL Bean and Sharper Image totally overlooked.) It’s fun, fast paced, and the writers are even doing a better job at wrapping up some of the smaller, logic plot holes.

Well, except for the standard CTU ineptitude. If you took away Chloe and Jack from CTU, you’d essentially be left with the real life equivalent of FEMA. In fact, I foresee the following exchange to take place soon this season:

Scene: CTU has cornered the bad guys inside an apartment complex and are ready to pounce and save the day.

Jack: “Have you set up a perimeter?”

CTU Agent: “Yes sir, standard CTU perimeter.”

Jack: “DAMN IT! Bill, this is Jack! Fayed’s about to escape! Have Chloe start tapping into the California Highway Patrol cameras!”

Honestly, their solution is always to set up a perimeter. A porous, weak, almost mythical perimeter. For once, I’d like to see a perimeter actually stop a villain. You know, like perimeters are meant to.