It doesn’t take long for somebody to hate their job. There’s always that initial honeymoon period, but soon after that fades comes the reality period. The period where you realize just how annoying your co-worker Shelly is or just how much of a complete asshole your boss Jim is or even how much poop a tiny little monkey can produce in a single day. That last one of course having to do mostly with zoo keepers and carnies, because despite my best efforts, I’ve yet to work with a monkey.
And just like that, the bitching commences. People start talking about how much they hate getting out of bed in the morning or how little their paid or how they just wish they could go one day without having their boss chew them out for something as trivial as forgetting to refill the coffee maker. And to all those people out there, I have one thing to say to you:
Become a substitute teacher.
Oh the joys of being a substitute teacher. When I initially signed up for the gig a few months back, I knew it would go one of two ways. On one hand, I’d hate the job since all the kids were hellions who made my day a living nightmare. On the other, the kids would actually listen to me and I’d have a great time. Truth be told, after remembering some of my earlier schooling days, I was fully prepared for the worst and yet to my surprise, it never came, mainly because I figured out how to stay away from it.
Subbing breaks down into three categories: you’ve got the elementary kids, the middle school kids, and the high school kids. To put it plainly, 90% of the troublesome children are in middle school. After subbing a few of those classes, I gave it up. It simply wasn’t worth the effort. It also gave it a newfound respect and appreciation for anybody who can handle kids that age for 180 days a year. It certainly takes a patient person.
No, I decided to focus on elementary and high school kids simply because subbing in those two environments couldn’t be more different. Whenever I get a call for the older kids, I know I’m in for an easy day. The high schools around here have four classes lasting 90 minutes each, a 30 minute study hall, and a 30 minute lunch. Most teachers have at least one planning period a day and add to that my lunch period and we’re already up to 120 minutes of sitting around alone while getting paid.
But what about when I actually have a class? Well, that’s basically just as easy. You see, in high school, the teacher has no idea what qualifications their sub has. It could be a recent college graduate of history or an 80 year old retired banker whose last history class was in 1941. Therefore, in each and every high school class I sub for, I am left one of two orders. Either I show a movie that the teacher has provided or I hand out a packet of worksheets that was left on the desk. That’s it. I then crack open the giant book I brought along with me for the day and count the minutes until the final bell of the day. Sure, sometimes you get a great class of seniors who are smart, funny, and enjoyable to shoot the shit with, but for the most part you get a classroom full of kids who simply are there because they have to be and are likewise counting down the minutes.
But this can grow old quick. Sure, it’s nice to be paid to do practically nothing, but I can’t do that for more than a few days at a time. I quickly grow bored and before you know it, I’m starting to hate my job. Enter the elementary school days. With these kids, there is never any downtime and usually, the teacher has left plenty of material for you to teach. I guess they all rely on the fact that if you didn’t know what nouns and verbs are or if you can’t add 4 and 8, then you honestly have no business subbing. Regardless, with the young’uns, there’s always plenty to do and if you’re lucky, they might even ask you to play with them at recess. If there’s anything I’ve learned lately it’s that I still totally own at kickball.
I try to do 3 or 4 days in an elementary school and 1 day in high school and so far I’ve been pretty fortunate to get basically that. One thing is certain though, I’ve certainly loved what I’ve been doing the past few months. Sadly, the school year is drawing near a close, but with it, maybe I’ll have some time to share some stories I’ve acquired while subbing.
