Shyzer.com

I watched the first episode of The Sopranos tonight. And I have to admit, I can see what all the fuss is about.

Now I guess I need to watch an episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm.

There’s nothing quite like sleeping under the stars.

I hate people who post or e-mail something along the lines of “BIG NEWS COMING SOON!” People like that annoy me to know end imaginable, for why don’t they just wait until they can tell me the damn news! Half the time they never even come through with it, but it’s times like these that I understand why they do it. Because if they don’t, they’ve got nothing else to say and yet they don’t want to say anything in the fear of jinxing whatever they are working on.

That said, I’m in a bit on limbo here – I’m waiting to hear back from a certain lady named Hera to find out if I’ll be able to something I dearly want to. Hopefully I’ll know what’s up either way in a week or so here, because if there’s anything I hate more than Bob Costas or El Nino, it’s The Waiting Game. Never fear though, once I hear back from my Greek Goddess, I’ll let all six of you who still read this site know what’s up.

In an effort to take my attention off my cell phone (RING DAMN YOU!), I’ll do a quick recap here. Almost immediately after making my last post, I climbed into a car built for 7 with no luggage room and somehow crammed 8 people, 1 dog, and 49 suitcases into it. Then it was off for a leisurely 12 hour drive to the beach. Oh, how I long for the days when the beach was only a 15 minute bus ride away.

It was a great week at Myrtle Beach, though. I had contemplated renting a car to drive to Spartanburg to see some old friends, but it was simply going to cost too much money in the end. But other than that? Nothing beyond being back in Virginia and playing that damned game while trying to rush three new websites to active status, one of which I need to get launched in a day or two max due to the fact that it centers around school work, tests, and the such. And what better time to launch a site like that then when everybody is heading back for yet another year?

And hey, Juno, give me a freaking call here. I’m ready.

There’s nothing quite like having the house all to yourself, even if just for a day or two. I’d write more, but I’m too busy doing nothing.

I just realized I never posted about my free laptop that I got recently. I could rehash over what’s already been said, but I’ll just link to the post I made on HIF about it instead (yet another reason for you people to read HIF daily!) and leave it at this: I freaking love it. I can sit outside and surf the web, I can hold 10 trilion gigs worth of files (okay, maybe not that much, but it seems like it), and I can unplug myself from the wall outlet and not be afraid that the battery will die within 18 seconds. All in all, I can’t complain and getting it in the mail might possible be the highlight of my summer so far.

Just a few quick things. First off, I’ve got it set so that if comments are not allowed on a post, it shows up as “Comments Off” instead of “No Comments.” Let me just say it was much harder to do than it should have been.

Also, I’ve updated the Radio with a few new songs for your listening pleasure.

And finally, I just recently discovered that the subject of two of Shyzer’s greatest posts has returned to the net! Back in February of 04, I made the this and this post on the Objective Christian Science Fair. Well, they’re back and while they don’t have much new material, you can find their current digs over here. I updated the scripts on the second post so that the interactive children’s guides about what to do if you meet an atheist and what to say to your Hindu friends now work.

Although, I gotta admit, it seems like there’s enough new material for me to do a third post on our favorite Objective Christian Ministries. Hmmm…

Uhhh….hi there folks. I just wanted to make sure I had a post in Shyzer’s archives with the date 6/6/06.

Job accomplished.

It doesn’t take long for somebody to hate their job. There’s always that initial honeymoon period, but soon after that fades comes the reality period. The period where you realize just how annoying your co-worker Shelly is or just how much of a complete asshole your boss Jim is or even how much poop a tiny little monkey can produce in a single day. That last one of course having to do mostly with zoo keepers and carnies, because despite my best efforts, I’ve yet to work with a monkey.

And just like that, the bitching commences. People start talking about how much they hate getting out of bed in the morning or how little their paid or how they just wish they could go one day without having their boss chew them out for something as trivial as forgetting to refill the coffee maker. And to all those people out there, I have one thing to say to you:

Become a substitute teacher.

Oh the joys of being a substitute teacher. When I initially signed up for the gig a few months back, I knew it would go one of two ways. On one hand, I’d hate the job since all the kids were hellions who made my day a living nightmare. On the other, the kids would actually listen to me and I’d have a great time. Truth be told, after remembering some of my earlier schooling days, I was fully prepared for the worst and yet to my surprise, it never came, mainly because I figured out how to stay away from it.

Subbing breaks down into three categories: you’ve got the elementary kids, the middle school kids, and the high school kids. To put it plainly, 90% of the troublesome children are in middle school. After subbing a few of those classes, I gave it up. It simply wasn’t worth the effort. It also gave it a newfound respect and appreciation for anybody who can handle kids that age for 180 days a year. It certainly takes a patient person.

No, I decided to focus on elementary and high school kids simply because subbing in those two environments couldn’t be more different. Whenever I get a call for the older kids, I know I’m in for an easy day. The high schools around here have four classes lasting 90 minutes each, a 30 minute study hall, and a 30 minute lunch. Most teachers have at least one planning period a day and add to that my lunch period and we’re already up to 120 minutes of sitting around alone while getting paid.

But what about when I actually have a class? Well, that’s basically just as easy. You see, in high school, the teacher has no idea what qualifications their sub has. It could be a recent college graduate of history or an 80 year old retired banker whose last history class was in 1941. Therefore, in each and every high school class I sub for, I am left one of two orders. Either I show a movie that the teacher has provided or I hand out a packet of worksheets that was left on the desk. That’s it. I then crack open the giant book I brought along with me for the day and count the minutes until the final bell of the day. Sure, sometimes you get a great class of seniors who are smart, funny, and enjoyable to shoot the shit with, but for the most part you get a classroom full of kids who simply are there because they have to be and are likewise counting down the minutes.

But this can grow old quick. Sure, it’s nice to be paid to do practically nothing, but I can’t do that for more than a few days at a time. I quickly grow bored and before you know it, I’m starting to hate my job. Enter the elementary school days. With these kids, there is never any downtime and usually, the teacher has left plenty of material for you to teach. I guess they all rely on the fact that if you didn’t know what nouns and verbs are or if you can’t add 4 and 8, then you honestly have no business subbing. Regardless, with the young’uns, there’s always plenty to do and if you’re lucky, they might even ask you to play with them at recess. If there’s anything I’ve learned lately it’s that I still totally own at kickball.

I try to do 3 or 4 days in an elementary school and 1 day in high school and so far I’ve been pretty fortunate to get basically that. One thing is certain though, I’ve certainly loved what I’ve been doing the past few months. Sadly, the school year is drawing near a close, but with it, maybe I’ll have some time to share some stories I’ve acquired while subbing.

I’ve been sick as a dog the past two days, but those non-FDA apporved drugs which my mom swipped in Brazil certainly have done wonders for me. Plus they don’t have the common side effect of diarrhea like American drugs.

Ok, you got me, my only knowledge of American medicine comes from television commercials. But to get back to my original point, I hope to be well enough to do a little more typing and a little less coughing up of my lungs tomorrow.

Anybody got anything new to say, because apparently I certainly don’t.