Shyzer.com

Apparently I’m the only person who remembers the trailers for Babel that they played constantly when it first came out. They made it seem like it was some international terror suspense movie that would be entertaining to watch.

It’s not. And it’s not.

The problem was that the movie wasn’t anything like the trailers made it out to be. It’s a drama that goes on and on about how we can’t communicate with other people who have the same feelings, emotions, blah blah blah. It was basically three poorly connected stories going on at once. It’s as if I was watching three separate mini-movies that kept cutting away just when I started to tolerate them. To make matters worse, half of the characters acted as if they had a learning disability that put them on par with 4 year old with Down’s Syndrome. Just because you’re a fish out of water doesn’t mean you have to act like an idiot, despite what this movie tries to teach you.

In fact, you know it’s a shitty movie on the screen when you find that you don’t give a shit whether any of the major characters to live or die. What rubbish.

Do you know what happens when it snows so much on Monday night that school is closed for the rest of the week and Goob isn’t able to work? He stays in doors, bathed in the glow of his laptop, warmed by the flame of his candle, and entertained by the writings of Ayn Rand for 72 straight hours.

But, oh, to be 10 or 14 again! You couldn’t have kept me out of that white wonder! My body, however, is thankful that my idea of enjoyment now is reading while under a thick cover of blankets.

If the title above didn’t interest you, then just go ahead and skip this post.

WordPress is a wonderful blogging tool. Hell, when used correctly, it can even be a fantastic CMS. But for the love of all things Holy, when it decides to have a little fluke and stop working, it just stops. No error reports, no logs to go over, just the simple fact that WP decided it’d been working for long enough and that it was time to take a break.

And when you disable all your plugins to find out which one is the culprit, which is the solution 90% of the time, and that doesn’t work…well, let’s just say I’m not good at figuring out that other 10%.

HIF! went on the fritz today, loading every post I’ve ever made on the main page (fixed) and deleting every custom field (all the country flags) I’ve ever added (not fixed). The custom field mystery is the biggest stumbling block I’ve hit so far. The only code I touched all day yesterday was the quicktags.js file for Christ’s sake!

The irony of it all is that I don’t even care. HIF!’s current theme and design has already reached a breaking point that I’m gearing up to fix and the pure fact that a few flags aren’t showing up isn’t really that big of a deal. After hiring a few new writers, my next job is to seriously try and get a redesign made for the site.

But that still doesn’t erase the fact that I’ve got no Earthly idea why those damn flags just vanished.

As I drive to work in the morning, I usually either listen to NPR or my iPod. Friday morning I happened to switch over to FOX Sports and was promptly greeted with the news that Brett Favre, NFL God and the source of my biggest Man Crush, announced that he was coming back for the 2007 season. My class for the day was thus granted with an hour long lecture that morning as to why Favre was the greatest QB in the history of the universe. I think they were just happy to get out of doing any spelling.

I guarantee any ad agency out there that I could come up with a better commercial than any we’ve seen during the first half of the Super Bowl so far. Just contact me with via e-mail with “$$$$$$$$$$” in the subject line.

So CBS is airing the Super Bowl this year and decide to pull a page out of FOX’s “How To Fuck Up A Broadcast” playbook by using cameras that fog up every 12 seconds. I just stuffed an old rag in an envelope and addressed it to Miami.

Did I mention Favre is COMING BACK FOR ANOTHER SEASON?!

The older I’ve gotten, the less and less I’ve enjoyed the Super Bowl. There’s a problem when the game is being played mere days before catchers and pitchers report to Spring Training. If the NFL wanted to cut down on all the damn hype and move the game back a week, I’d be glad to start spreading the word.

FAVRE IS COMING BACK FOR ANOTHER FUCKING SEASON! AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

If at age 23 (Damn, I won’t be able to type that much longer) I’m having trouble doing anything, how hard is it going to be when I’m older? I’m tired of half-assing it through life and yet when I sit down to try and take the first steps of anything, I get overwhelmed and put it off for tomorrow.

And that’s been my MO for about the last 10 years now. I’ve already wasted too many tomorrows, damnit. What the hell’s wrong with me?

At least the Hey, It’s A Contest! was a decent success.

If you’re horrible at driving and find yourself near my house, please stay away from any power poles. I don’t enjoy going without power for hours on end simply because you can’t turn the steering wheel fast enough to make it around that 10 degree curve. And so help me God if I find out a cell phone or Big Mac was involved somewhere in this equation.

I didn’t know what to do with myself. I flipped about 20 light switches and tried to turn on the TV four or five times before finally dusting off something called a “book” and “reading” it. It was like a page out of the 1920s! You know, without the speakeasies and floozy women showing their kneecaps.

As this 60 degree weather will attest to. Part of the joy of living in Virginia is the relatively cold weather during the winter, but these past few months have been ridiculous. Somebody call up Al Gore (hopefully he hasn’t eaten his phone) and tell him to make a boring movie about this or something…..oh wait….

As a kid, I used to love Martin Luther King Jr. Day for the main reason every other did – no freaking school!

Now? Double whammy. Not only are the gooblings home all day when they should be in school, but I can’t even work. And the substitute teaching gig is already drying up a bit. Damn teachers and their healthy bodies. Is it wrong that I want to pull out a few history books and teach myself how to pull off a modern version of the infected British chickenpox blankets? On second though, don’t answer that.

Yeah, this was a totally pointless post. Hooray New Year’s resolutions!…

As it’s now 5:30AM (don’t bother looking at the timestamp – you can ask Fellner, I’ve always said that the day never ends until you go to bed, midnight be damned) and I’ve yet to post a thing, I can’t help but think I have not a damn clue what to post. So I will say this: after spending the past few hours learning how to use Sony Vegas for a new Freebie Review to come out on HIF tomorrow and subsequently stumbling across the video below, I can say I love making random ass videos. This is a new hobby I could get used to.

Just an aside, I personally enjoy how Clayster sounds like a little girl in this video that was recorded all of two years ago. I didn’t realize testicles could grow in so quickly.

An oldie, but a goodie, from the archives!

Merry Christmas, folks