Shyzer.com

Dear Facebook,

Please follow Google’s lead and enable a similar feature that prevents drunken e-mails.

Whoever came up with this idea needs to get a raise. Or at the very least a free case of brew.

Someday soon, I’ll probably be forced to own this cell phone, which has a built in breathalyzer function. Most people would probably get this in hopes of preventing themselves from getting behind the wheel of a car. Luckily for me though, I’ve never been interested in operating a blender, much less some other larger machinery like a car, whenever I get drunk. No, I’d be purchasing this little gadget for one thing and one thing only:

The LP4100 also allows users to set up the phone so on certain nights and after a certain time they do not call certain people in their phone book. Think ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend.

If you have a blood alcohol level over .08, the phone will not let you dial that person. So it not only promotes sobriety, but chastity – and probably your dignity, as well.

Ahhh, dignity. I wonder what it’s like to have some of that!

On second thought, a cell phone isn’t even my worst enemy when I’m drunk. The only people I call is Fellner and random numbers. No, what I need is to rig up the same type of device on my personal computer that will shut it down instead of allowing me to operate AIM, MSN, Shyzer, and Facebook while drunk. Because no matter how trashed I get, I never seem to forget how to use a mouse and keyboard…

Fisty off, I’m pround of myself for clicking the “drunk” category button.

Secondf off, I’m soo glad they didn’t have Facebook back when I was a freshman in college. Othersieh, i I would hav efound too many people I thoughtwere well burried in my past.

Third off, I wish they had had Facebook when I was a freshman, so that I would have been able to find all those folks I though tI had lost in may pasy.

THEY KICKEDME OUT OF CUASTOMES!

FUCK THE NAZIS! NERI, WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU WATCHHIN GOVER ME!?

there are hot wmon eeeryherwhe and I loe hot hickwes and eferybod tis lookng for me! OH SHIT. THerey are knocking on myt door. OH NOT! AHAHAHAH I AMRUNK! I LOVESYZER!