Shyzer.com

Where’s Matt? Home Depot. D.C. Ghetto? Lost… Found. !Chong! Dinner. Reminiscing. Great people. Hookah. Darts. Last call. Blueberry muffins.

Headache. Farewell… Praan. Coffee. I have to what? Chauffeur. !!Boom!! Rock solid. Greasy khakis. Abysmal instruction. Manly success. Delayed. Starbucks. Delayed? Brotherly chat. Delayed!?! Finally. 3am empty roads alone. A Distant Sadness!

When you troll through sites like Song Meanings and actually take the time to read the lyrics to your favorite song, you kinda start to realize that sans music, the words aren’t that clear in their meaning. In a sense, it’s succinct poetry.

You could walk into any high school English class, replace their poetry books with Dylan lyrics, and they’d have just as much trouble trying to figure out what the hell was being said. If you ask me, that’s downright awesome.

I often carry around a notepad and pen wherever I go since my memory has already checked out for greener pastures. (Can you get Alzheimer’s at 25?) The only downside to the notepad is there’s not that much room to write on and I’m a freak for writing and editing something 10 times before it’s “finished.” Yet that’s simply not possible with a tiny sheet of paper.

I’ve always liked writing dramatic poems mainly because it allows me to be as longwinded as I please, yet offers the added challenge of creating a gazillion rhymes. But even this form isn’t optimal for trying to jot down a story on a scrap of paper no bigger than a toilet paper square.

What’s become of my journal over the past few years is a novel in and of itself, but lately I’ve been writing entries that cover days in the fewest words possible, thanks in part to my free time with nothing but the pen and notepad. I usually stick to a 25 word maximum, but 50 is another good limit if you’re trying to recap the entire weekend. And the thing is, when you go back and reread it weeks later, it’s still usually pretty damn good at bringing back memories you’d initially forgotten.

It’s pretty damn fun, to boot.

The poem at the beginning of this post was from my past weekend. It’s pretty transparent, which is why I picked it for Shyzer. If you’ve got a few minutes, try recapping your day in a few words and see how you do. At the very least, you can then say you’ve written a poem.

Dammit woman, we’re doing business here!

That’s the first one I found, but I soon discovered this next one. Prepare for a healthy dose of Awesome.

In my ongoing effort to try and give credit to anything I may have borrowed, used, or downright taken here on Shyzer and elsewhere on all my sites, I finally slayed the giant beast that was finding the original design that I used as a template for the creation of this current Shyzer theme. It’s not quite like what I have now, as I think it’s better, albeit a little more cluttered than what I’ve currently got. It took me fucking forever to find it as well. I’ve got a link to it and the creator’s website down on my footer and it will remain there until I switch themes to something else, which should be soon, but still.

I’m sick of people stealing my work, be it writing or photos. But I don’t think I have the right to complain about it until I’m completely and utterly free of committing the same crime.

And to be honest, I think I’m pretty much there. About damn time. Commence the bitching about theft…now!

Via Chacha.com and Shaynon:

The next one i asked was, “What is shyzer.com?”
They said, “Shyzer is a blog written by a 25 year old in Virginia, who is widely regarded as being ‘awesome!’”

Damn straight.

I’ve been creating short videos lately. Today I made a stop motion video that took 30 minutes to “film” and another 20 to put it all together. Total run time? 18 seconds. Doh.

I’ve got two other posts I want to put up, but I’m waiting to get paid before I post one (thus cementing the validity of the post) and the other one is in a holding pattern because I need to get somebody’s okay before posting what I want to about them.

Oh, did I forget to mention that I’m finally designing a new theme for this place? One word sums it up best: black.

A few months ago, I sent off a short story I’d written to a few magazines and websites. Today I got a letter from one of the publications thanking me for canceling my subscription to them and asking what they could do to get me back.

I think it’s safe to say my story was never read by them.

Holy. Frak.

I’ve never wanted an eye patch any more than I do right now. And this is coming from a guy who practically idolizes pirates.

Kudos on whoever made the conscious decision to score the hell out of this episode as well.

There’s regular shows, then The Daily Show, then Lost, and then lightyears above everything else there’s Battlestar Galactica.

Holy. Frak.

Wow, I made it on Valleywag. For my ground breaking coverage of Facebook.com? For an insider scoop on a yet unveiled and revolutionary piece of technology?

Nope, for making fun of idiots on Facebook Talk.

I think it’s official, I need to update my resume to reflect my superior verbal bitchslapping skill.

I also need to clear up this whole Ryan Shyzer thing too. It’s the last thing on my massive list of cleaning up all my websites.

I’ve had an extremely stressful day today, well beyond even my own limits. So a few hours ago, I grabbed a brew and sat down to unwind in front of a little baseball. Cleveland started pounding Detroit, a behemoth of a storm rolled in, and suddenly we’ve got a rain delay. What happens next? They cut to the Mariners game just in time to watch Seattle cause an error and let Toronto tie the game.

Gee, thanks ESPN.

Yes, I still follow baseball and the Mariners more passionately than global warming or politics or my own personal hygiene. But for those of you not keeping tabs, Seattle sucks ass this year. As in last place with the worst league of all major league teams sucking. Everything went right for them last year and they were still only halfway decent. The bigwigs in charge didn’t realize this, of course, and thus they spent way too much money and talent on mediocre players this past winter in an effort to win it all this year. The end result? Us loyal fans trying to hunt down obscure beer from Papau New Guinea due to an offhand remark from Ichiro.

I love my fellow fans sometimes.

Thankfully, ESPN quickly switched to the San Fran – Washington game and I got to thinking. You know, when it comes to NL baseball, I really don’t care what game I’m watching. I don’t like watching AL games when Seattle sucks because every time I see a game between two AL teams, I want the stadium to blow up so Seattle can move up a game on both of them. It hasn’t happened yet, but I’m a patient man.

But with the NL? Eh, it doesn’t really matter to me. In fact, I seem to pick a new underdog NL team to root for every year. I then started to wonder if I’ve actively cheered for every NL team at one point or the other.

Let’s see, there’s been:

– Atlanta Braves – Well, that didn’t take long. I’ve never cheered for the Braves and doubt I ever will. It doesn’t really have anything to do with hating the team, if anything I kinda admire the way the organization was run for the 90s and 00s. But growing up surrounded by nothing but idiot baseball fans wearing Braves hats kinda turned me off from the team forever. Plus, there’s the old story of me unfolding a map and finding the team furthest away from Atlanta to start following many years ago.

In hindsight, I should have used a much different criteria in selecting my team of choice.

– Florida Marlins – Ah, the 2003 playoffs. I remember calling them to win in September of that year and they certainly didn’t disappoint. Most people remember that postseason for the Cubs epic collapse (and unfairly lay the blame on Scott Bartman’s feet), but all I remember is the awesome divisional series Florida won in the bottom of the 9th in Game 5 against San Francisco, somehow surviving the Cubs, and destroying the Yankees. Nobody knew the players on their hodgepodge of a roster filed with nothing more than aging veterans and nobody rookies. Now? Half of them are household names. What a fun team to watch and this year’s version honestly reminds me of their 2002 counterparts. Keep an eye on them this year.

– New York Mets – Eh, I waver with the Mets. I used to like them in the late 90s and earlier this decade, but ever since they started turning into the mini-Yankees in terms of spending, it’s gotten harder to cheer for them. Still, as late as 2006 I’ve cheered for them. The 2006 NLCS was bloody brilliant, going 7 games, the Endy Chavez catch (that video doesn’t do it justice, but the crowd reaction tells you how important / amazing it was), everything. I think that was the last time I’ve really cheered for them, but knowing how Jon Stewart loves them makes it hard to really hate on ‘em.

– Philadelphia Phillies – Talk about coming full circle. I used to hate the damn Phillies, but over the past three years they’ve come to grow on me. Chase Utley is one of the top 5 players in baseball and nobody knows his name. Watching Cole Hamels pitch is a treat, while Ryan Howard swinging for the fences every at bat always keeps you on the edge of your seat. Plus, Jamie Moyer plays for them and fuck if I don’t want him to win at least one ring before he retires. He’s like a current Edgar Martinez, what’s not to love?

– Washington Nationals – See, I lived close to them for two years, but never really got behind them. They’re a team I would recommend to somebody looking for a new team to start following though. You don’t want to pick a team that’s already winning out of fear of being labeled a bandwagon fan and you don’t want to pick a shitty team, so finding that team in middle ground is a little tricky. Sure, there are better options who are closer to being legitimate winners (Milwaukee, Tampa, Toronto, even Oakland or Colorado), but the Nationals have a new stadium, a few budding super stars, and are somewhat fun to watch. Then again, this team is still the Montreal Expos with a makeover, so that’s two so far.

– Chicago Cubs – Okay, I don’t hate the Cubs. But Jesus, do they not have enough fans already? This whole “lovable loser” label they like to play up is starting to make them sound simply like losers. I don’t root against them, but if they ever run up against a team I like, booooo Cubs. Of course, if Mark Cuban ends up buying them, my entire viewpoint will change. Can you imagine him as the owner? They’d be a perennial playoff team within three years. I can’t really count them though, because over the past two decades I’ve certainly wanted them to win it all just so their fans would shut the fuck up.

– Cincinnati Reds – Eh. Whatever, Ken Griffey Jr. still has a small place in my heart, but that’s as far as I care about this team. I think that’s because every impression I have of the TOWN of Cincinnati is crap. Ipso facto, the Reds probably aren’t worth rooting for. That’s three teams.

– Houston Astros – Oh man, this is hard for me. When they traded for Carlos Beltran for half a season back in 2004, I really thought they were going all the way. Amazing pitching, strong hitting, charisma, they had it all. Then the fucking Cardinals beat them in the NLCS (damn good series, though) just so they could be annihilated by the Red Sox. The next year they lost Beltran to the Mets and still managed to make it to their first World Series ever. I’m not going to type too much here, but those 04 – 05 teams were awesome to watch.

– Milwaukee Brewers – I was rooting for them for the first time last year, but that’s about it. They’ve sucked all the way up until then and there always seemed to be another underdog to root for instead. I still can’t really get behind them and I’m not sure why. Extremely young team, newish stadium, power hitters, team named after beer, they’ve even got Mike Cameron on the team now! Seriously, I’m starting to wonder what’s wrong with me. How is I’m marking this team as the fourth on my list?

– Pittsburgh Pirates – By far the easiest team for me on this list. They’ve sucked so much ever since I can remember that I’ve never even had a chance to cheer for them come Autumn. It’s be cool if they decided to win more than 70 games in a season, but until then, I’ll just continue using them as a punchline and tack on numbero cinco.

– St. Louis Cardinals – Fuck these guys. I cheer for them in the early 00s and they lose. I start cheering for other teams and they start to win. They screwed over the Mets, Astros, and Tigers all within recent memory. The Mets deserved to win that series. So did the Astros! Tony Larussa is a prick. They released So Taguchi, whose name was fun to say. Albert Pujols is awesome to watch, but that’s about it.

– Arizona Diamondbacks – There’s a common theme among my teams of choice: they’ve always had plenty of youth and the current Diamondbacks are currently the youngest team in baseball. The 2001 World Series was beyond amazing, but ever since then I really haven’t cheered for them.

– Colorado Rockies – Last year was the year I jumped full force behind Colorado and they got to the damn World Series. I didn’t expect them to be utterly destroyed by Boston like they were, but that’s beside the point. They were a fun team to watch last year and while they’re tanking now and I think they’ll trade their best player soon, they strike me as a team that could follow the Marlins recipe for success. Suck for a few years developing talent, go for broke every 4th or 5th year, then blow up the team and start again. It’s risky, but cheap and proven to work.

– Los Angeles Dodgers – I can’t really think of any time I’ve pulled for the Dodgers. I like how old school everything about them is though. A simple stadium, their name reminds you of when they played in Brooklyn, and even their jerseys are basic. Then again, when you start bringing up jerseys while naming good things about a team, maybe it’s time to move on. VI.

– San Diego Padres – Every time I’ve looked at a San Diego team, I’ve thought to myself “here’s a team that could get into the playoffs and then lose in the first round.” So far, I haven’t been that far off. I did cheer for them way back in 1998 I think it was, when they got to the World Series and lost to the Yankees. I remember losing a bunch of bets back then, all made out of my desire to see Tony Gwinn win a title. Lesson learned.

– San Francisco Giants – 2002 World Series. Before Bonds and the whole steroids thing, back when I hated the Angels (ok, fine, I still do), and during my introduction year to the Mariners Sucking Era Part Duex of my life. I really wanted the Giants to win and what happened? They get within six outs of winning game 6, blow it, and then lose the seventh and final game. See above paragraph in learned, lesson.

Wow, that was far more than I expected to type. So let’s see, what’s the verdict? Ten out of 16 NL teams have had Goob screaming their chants at one point in time, I’m pretty damn good at picking surprising NL teams to get far in the playoffs, not many of them win it all though, and I’m pretty close to being a whore for the league as a whole. Yeah, sounds about right.

Who am I pulling for this year? Well, Moyer doesn’t have many innings left in his shoulders, so I’m still sticking with the Phillies for the time being. Of course, I wouldn’t mind seeing the Marlins or Diamondbacks slipping into the playoffs. Who knows, there’s a lot of baseball to be played. Maybe later this week I’ll write a post on how exactly the process of picking a rent-a-team works.

It’s weird though, because even if Philadelphia won it all this year, I’d be happy for about 5 minutes and then turn off the TV. It’s not the same kind of passion when you’re picking a rent-a-team to root for. It’s fun, gives you a reason to stay more than moderately interested in the sport, and even helps you learn about other teams that you’d normall pay no attention to. But you’re not a diehard and it almost feels like you’re practicing all the cheering for when your own favorite team starts winning.

In my case, that projects to be around 2027. Fucking Mariners.

As the bass guitarist for the rock band The Shyzer Siblings, I can vouch for how awesome this video is. Ok, so what if we haven’t quite progressed from playing on Rock Band to playing real instruments. I still say we could rock into any bar in the tri-state area with our xbox360 and some speakers and give the people their money’s worth. Yes, we’re simply that damn awesome, but I digress.