Shyzer.com

[link to vid]

Is there anything better than seeing two old guys yell obscenities at each other?

[via zefrank]

As the baseball playoffs rapidly approach, I’d like to take this time to issue a blanket warning. The next comedian, broadcaster, or dancing monkey who tries to wittily point out that the World Series should be renamed since only American teams play in it will be punched in the crotch. Repeatedly. By me.

11 Dominicans
6 Puerto Ricans
5 Venezuelans
3 Japanese
2 Mexicans
2 Canadians
1 Panamanian
1 German
1 Nicaraguan

That’s the combination of foreign born players on the World Series rosters last year for the Boston Red Sox and the Colorado Rockies. Neither of these teams have an especially large contingent of foreign players either. In fact, some teams in this year’s playoffs have significantly more.

In fact, MLB’s public relations department not only keeps tabs on all the foreign born players, but routinely lets us know how global the game has become. Case in point:

Of the 855 players on rosters at the start of the season, 239 were born outside the 50 states, the commissioner’s office said Tuesday. The percentage dropped to 28.0 from 29.0 last year, when it was just off the record of 29.2 set in 2005.

There were 3,356 of 7,021 minor leaguers born outside the 50 states, with the percentage rising to 47.8 percent, up from 46.2 last year and 45.1 in 2005.

Not only is it 30% for the pros, but almost every other player in the minors calls some other county home!

It’s called the World Series because the world’s best players usually end up playing here in America. Teams are scouting in Asia, Latin America, and the rest of the world almost as much as they are in Florida and Texas. For every Oklahoman farm boy and California surfer dude on a team’s roster, there’s a good chance the guy sitting next to them in the locker room speaks a first language other than English.

So if you’re uneducated about baseball and enjoy being punched in the crotch, please go ahead and keep repeating that same stupid line this autumn. Otherwise, please shut the hell up and go enjoy some baseball.

I literally just had a 10 second phone conversation that went something like:

You get the thing?
Yeah.
You talk to the guy?
Yeah.
Good, c-ya.

I hope the feds aren’t tapping my phone.

I find my self continually wondering if I’ll ever stop being amazed by Lady Luck. When I’m 50 or 60, will I still find myself stunned by her sudden appearance? A large part of me hopes the answer is “hell no.”

After being turned down for countless jobs, learning far too much bad news, and being stricken by what medical professionals can only describe as Bubonic Plague, Ms. Luck decided to part the dark clouds of gloom and smile down upon me.

Last week, the November edition of ShopSmart magazine hit newsstands (yeah, I know November is two months away) and Hey, It’s Free was surprisingly mentioned as one of it’s top seven money saving sites on the Internet. (page 34!) For those of you who don’t keep up to date with the Freebie World, this is akin to an athlete being profiled in Sports Illustrated. The only way this could have been better is had they done a full page spread on HIF.

Words can’t express the amount of pride and validation that has bubbled up within me thanks to this surprise of surprises. My first national print mention! I’ve sunk more blood, sweat, and tears into that site than any other project in my life – including most relationships. At the very least, the bump in ad revenue and countless local news mentions was a lovely bonus.

And yet on the grand scale of awesome news learned during the month of September, that ranks a distant second. You might be wondering what possibly could top such a wondrous occasions? Did the Seattle Mariners offer me a job? Did Barack Obama ask me to join his foreign policy team? Even better.

Try finding out that I’m back on my mom’s free airline passes. For a year. Minimum.

Let that sink in for a moment.

I CAN FLY FOR FREE TO PRACTICALLY ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD FOR ANOTHER YEAR!

I really don’t know how to put this to people. I’m a traveler at heart. I’ve spent the last three years of my life helping out my family and there’s no better thing in this world that I could be doing. But I can’t wait to get back out there on the open road. I’m at my best when I’m moving with the tide, flowing from here to there with no regard for the unforeseen.

World, here I come. But first I need to hit up New York. And Spartanburg. And Louisville. And Orlando. There are a few people I need to visit.

Am I the only one who ends up having hallucinogenic dreams after taking NyQuil? I’ve been sick as a dog this week and finally decided to give NyQuil a shot the other night. Long story short, I spent the entire evening battling demons after being shrunk down to the size of a pea. Suddenly the wrinkles in my blankets were mountains and I was convinced I needed to tramp through them down to my dogs at the foot of the bed. I think I made it about half-way before daybreak.

Then last night I realized DayQuil has the exact same benefits as its counterpart, minus all the crazy.

Is it wrong that I’m slightly missing the crazy?