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Given that the events prior to this resulted in a few deaths, but…

A tense political stand-off ensued with conflicting versions of events. Three days later, the UN initiated Operation Paul Bunyan.

A convoy of 23 vehicles raced up to the tree unannounced. Sixteen men armed with chainsaws jumped out under the protection of two armed platoons and a 64-man special forces company.

Cover for the operation was provided by 20 utility helicopters and 7 cobra attack helicopters. B-52s circled overhead, escorted by F-4 and F-5 fighter planes, while the aircraft carrier Midway waited on standby near the shore.

The tree was successfully chopped down.

If you’re not reading Where The Hell Is Matt, you obviously have no appreciation for travel nor excellent writing.

I can already tell I’m far too jacked up on (rational) emotion from having just watched the presumable series finale of Jericho to make a clear and unbiased post, so I’ll just say this.

Fuck you, CBS.

I could sit here and tout a countless array of argument as to how inept the current heads of television are. I could mention how TiVO and iTunes and bittorrent and DVR aren’t factored into Neilson ratings. I could reference the great YouTube debate or link to all the thousands of words I’ve written here on Shyzer mentioning how much money they’re losing every day they refuse to recognize the new ways of media consumption. But it’s all been said a million times before by just as many people.

Jericho was one of the few character driven shows on TV that didn’t employ a trite and vapid setting of doctors sleeping with each other or lawyers standing up for the common man. No matter what CBS wanted the show to be, Jericho understood that no matter how fantastic the story line was, the sci fi was only a setting and not a story in and of itself. The fact that shows like LOST and Battlestar Galactica have the same understanding only further exemplifies the type of company Jericho kept.

The bottom line is Jericho not only had a proven rabid fanbase, but had a handful of brand new episodes at a time when television was starving for new material. From two months, as the writers strike dragged on and every show had exhausted their supply of fresh material, CBS had the opportunity to move up the release date and showcase Jericho against the crap that every other network was scrambling to pump out. Instead, CBS not only killed an early release, but buried the show at it’s historically worst time on it’s historically worst day. They never wanted Jericho to succeed this second time around and in effect had no qualms about giving their fans a giant “fuck you.”

Yet I’m not pissed. These past seven episodes were beyond perfect. In ten years, we’ll casually laugh at how stupid we were in the past to have so many open-ended & slow driven shows. We’ll remember that it all started to change when shows like BSG and LOST not only refused to let the networks renew them for countless seasons, but demanded they be ended on their own terms - amazing ratings be damned! Networks will realize how successful these types of shows are, how much better written they are than the average show. Along the way, one network will finale realize the goldmine that is TV on Demand and suddenly shows will no longer be canceled due to poor Neilson ratings alone.

And then we’ll remember that show that not only came back from the dead because of it’s fans, but that managed to squeeze an entire season into only seven episodes. And we’ll remember how fucking awesome that show was and how long before it’s time it truly was.

Thanks for every damn episode, Jericho.

“Roslin promotes Adama to admiral. He promotes her right back.” Hahahaha.

We’re less than two weeks away from the fourth and final season of the best show on television. In case you’ve forgotten what’s been going on, here’s a hilarious and well made 8 minute video of all the previous Battlestar Galactica episodes and movies.

Back in 2004, I got an iPod for free and the world was awesome.

Months later, Waynus broke it, but it was still under warranty and thus replaced. The world was still awesome.

Last year, it started acting goofy and would no longer work. I then discovered that I could freaking spank it and it would magically work again. The world remained awesome.

Then last Christmas, it bit the dust and completely crapped out on me. Spanking was no use, paying to have Apple fix it was beyond absurd, and the world suddenly sucked.

A friend of mine recently pointed out that you could open up the iPod and fiddle with the insides. After searching around Google for a while, I came across hundreds of comments and blog posts by people who swore that sticking a business card inside the iPod would fix it. I was a bit skeptical, but it made sense on the surface. The iPod uses a traditional spinning hard drive and after years of jostling and bumping around, the outer casing loses fractions of an inch worth of pressure. Suddenly the drive won’t spin and the iPod won’t turn on.

So I set to opening up my iPod this morning. I worked on getting the backing off of it and despite what most on-line tutorials say, the initial removal is a bitch and a half. It’s specifically build and designed not to come off, but after a while I got it off. I ripped one of my HIF cards in half, folded it up, stuck it on top of the hard drive, put the iPod back together and…

The fucking thing works like a charm now.

Something that costs fractions of a penny just fixed a hundred dollar piece of technology. 10 years ago I never would have been able to do this. I love the Internet. I’ve gotten three or four iPods for “free” since getting this first one, but it’s held a special place in my heart since I got it for free all those years ago and now I can synch it up with my Macbook Pro and listen to it for another few thousand hours. I’ve also got an idea for a new website, though in my current state I don’t think that’s anything to be proud of.

Want to win $25? Then join in on the HIF March Madness Contest!

It’s a contest I’m holding over on Hey, It’s Free for a few people off the forums, but if anybody here on Shyzer (all three of you!) want to join in on the fun and try to win a little cash that I’m giving away, feel free to sign up and play. You have until tomorrow morning before the tip off of the first game to get your bracket in.

Don’t worry if you know nothing about college basketball either, because none of us have a freaking clue over there

Yahoo group: http://tournament.fantasysports.yahoo.com/t1/group/157337/
School: South Carolina
Group Name: HITF B-Ball Tourney

If you don’t have a yahoo account already, it’s free and easy to make one. Though who doesn’t have a Yahoo account these days? Feel free to comment here or on the freebie forums if you want to follow along in all the friendly trash talking we’re sure to commence in.

I just got a phone call from a Nigerian prince asking to confirm my bank account information in order to facilitate moving some secret funds across the globe. Or as he put it, “Hello honorable Mr. Goob Shyzer, thank and bless you for aiding my struggle in moving the millions of dollars to your account.”

I shit you not. He called me Mister. Goob. Shyzer.

The conversation didn’t last long, as he didn’t appreciate the fact that I wouldn’t give him my correct info after telling him the info he had for me was incorrect. Apparently I was “struggling a old man who is dying and it’s not nice or kind.” Darn it, I hate to “struggle” senior citizens. It’s always hard to look yourself in the mirror after doing so.

I’m assuming he simply pulled my info from one of my domain WhoIs listings, which have my cell phone number and last name as Shyzer. I’m not sure if he sincerely believed my name was Goob Shyzer, but it took everything in me not to burst out laughing when I heard it come out of his mouth. If you’ve never heard a scammer call you by such a name with the seriousness of a doctor telling you a loved one has just died, then you haven’t lived.

I really hope he passes my number around to his buddies and I start getting more phone calls, because this could easily become my biggest source of entertainment.

It’s sad when you read an article on ESPN and notice it references quotes from sports blogs like With Leather. I’ve even seen scanned newspaper clippings where they’ve quoted comments from people on sites like Digg and Fark. Yet CNN has quietly taken the lead for “laziest news network in the world.”

Their iReporter feature shouldn’t even exist. “Got a camera? Then send us your photos and we’ll show them to millions!” During any given news segment, the Youtube to professional cameraman ratio of video clips is somewhere around 90:1. Now they’ve reached the point where they find somebody’s Myspace page and use it to write an entire article.

Suddenly, apathy is quite appealing.

I hope I never do anything newsworthy. Just imagine the shitty article they could write about me just from using Shyzer. God help us.

[via ZeFrank]

I’ve been saying for years and years that Bob Costas is a complete moron who should never be allowed near another microphone without the threat of being punched in the face. Preferably by me.

Thankfully, I now have proof of his idiocy.

I’ve been on a real “nobody understands the Internet” trip lately, what with this and the other posts I’ve made this weekend. Everywhere I turn, I keep seeing people who either simply don’t get how to use the Internet or people who view it as sometime trite. Thankfully, their ignorance is providing fodder for me here on Shyzer.

I’m just happy Mr. Dumbass Costas is on the other side of the fence, because I’m not sure what I would have done had I realized him and I actually agreed on something.

Is it wrong that the only things I can think of after watching the video below is who made the music and what program were the animations made in?

I completely agree with the video, though. As opposed to some of the far out videos I’ve posted on here before, this one takes a pretty fair assessment of the future to come. Just as I’ve ranted and raved against businesses that have yet to figure out how to harness the Internet, I think it’s pretty clear that any individual at this point who doesn’t know the difference between a wiki and a widget is a step behind the pack.

At the same time, it’d be nice if they referenced their facts at the end of the video………

Below are a collection of random thoughts I had this morning. None of them were enough to develop into a full post, but together, they make a barely passable post.

–

Whoever is in charge of making video tributes over at ESPN is a genius. I don’t know what orchestral database this guy has access to, but every single snippet he’s plucked from it is strong both in sound and spirit. I’m not even talking about all the Favre pieces were on last week. I first noticed this back in 2003, when they had Kiefer Sutherland doing a voiceover tribute to Pat and Kevin Tillman for winning the Arthur Ashe award. I’ve still yet to find a copy of that tribute either, which is a shame. It took ESPN years to finally put some of their goofy “This is Sportscenter” commercials up on their site - why they don’t also put their tributes up as well is beyond me. This further shows how companies are failing to adapt to the Internet.

Even though I love the fact that it’s still light outside at 6pm, how come it takes me weeks to get used to it? Yet jetlag takes 24, or 48 hours max, to overcome?

I just cooked and ate some lunch. Just throwing that out there.

Airline has got to be the most pointless show ever. What were they thinking when they came up with this idea? “Hey, you know what I hate? Travel delays! Wait, let’s make a show about that!” Every episode is the same. You’ve got one person angry about a flight delay, another person is drunk, and look at that third person who missed her connection! I can’t wait to see what happens next week. I’ve got my fingers crossed for an ice storm!

Why is it that people are commended for doing things late in life (old people getting college degrees or learning a new language, etc.) and proving that it’s “never too late” to do practically anything. Yet people who don’t achieve some sort of “accomplishment” (marriage, college graduation, etc.) by a certain age are deemed to be “failing,” whatever the hell that means. Talk about double standard.

Okay, I’m still stuck on this stupid Airline show. What do people not understand about a standby ticket? They’re flying on a ticket that cost pennies on the dollar, if not free. Everybody else paid full fare. You do the math as to who will be kicked off if there are too many people. How is this a complicated concept to the majority of the American population?

Super Smash Brothers Brawl is an extremely fun game, but whoever wrote the story for the single player mode has to be the same person who comes up with ideas for new Japanese game shows (edit: hahaha). It. Makes. No. Sense. The fact that there’s no vocal dialogue probably doesn’t help matters. They need to have a disclaimer on the case saying only to play it if you’re both drunk and high.

Sleep pants are awesome.

There’s been a black plastic bag stuck in some tree branches in my back yard for at least a year. It now looks like a giant vampire cape when the wind blows. I think I’ll make up a story and scare Colton with it tonight.

That’s all for now.