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While partaking in my daily ritual of scouring the internet for pointless crap in between halfway completing two more worthwhile tasks, I stumbled across an article about the lost art of serendipity and how today’s youth no longer discover new things on their own. Yet for some reason, the only thing my mind could focus on was the sound of Grandpa Simpson’s voice screaming, “MAAAAAAAATTLOOOOOOCK!”

It doesn’t take long to get a visual representation of the author, William McKeen. On the downswing of middle age. The world around him seems a bit too unfamiliar, too alien. And man, did he enjoy the good ole’ days a hell of a lot better than now.

One of the best ways to poorly argue that today’s generation is too cut & dry, too filtered, and too focused is to employ the tactic McKeen seems to enjoy - Quickly define your age so as to turn off younger readers and then proudly proclaim, “In my day, we used to waste time! Lot’s of it! On purpose! For fun! You kids suck!”

I used to be in agreement with people like McKeen. I thought we were losing a valuable art in our daily lives, one of uncovering and finding items we enjoyed without having to be told about them. I thought the only decent way to discover the true gems in life was to find them the old fashion way - without technology. I didn’t even think it was possible to find anything worthwhile in the giant goop we call the Internets. And then I realized how blatantly wrong that concept was.

Battlestar Galactica. Mitch Hedberg. Watership Down. Angela. Stan whenever he has a site. David Gray. DMZ. Box Car Racer. Heather Armstrong. Imogen Heap. Techno. Doc. The Postal Service. Firefly. The Stand.

All artists, authors, creators, books, movies, and countless more I never would have discovered for myself without technology.

Just because people now a days don’t waste their time flipping through newspapers or wandering the stacks of a library doesn’t mean they aren’t discovering unexpected treasures throughout their day. McKeen truly shows his age when he talks about how easy it is to find things on the Internet, how personal and custom tailored our information is, and how much time technology saves us. I guess my only question is this:

Really? It’s easy to find things on the Internet? Have you ever used Google? Name the last time you were looking for something specific and found it within 2 minutes. Chances are you had to wade through a lot of crap before you finally found what you were looking for, whether it be a recipe for a certain souffle or a funny op-ed your favorite comedian wrote a few years back. I’d even be willing to bet that occasionally, you unintentionally watched a video of a new comic or read an article by an unknown blogger while on your quest. And you enjoyed it. Maybe even enjoyed it so much as to start a second, separate search to find more pieces created by them.

Gee wiz, don’t look now, but that sounds awfully similar to that “lost art” McKeen seems to be lamenting over.

Time saving and technology are not two (okay, three) words that I put together very often. American’s spend more than an average of two hours a day on-line just at work alone. And what do you think people are doing during those two hours? Reading the few news articles of the day that interest them? Watching our favorite funny videos over and over each day? Listening to the same songs by our favorite bands, whether they be old school Beatles or somebody new like The Killers? Give me a break.

We surf at random, blindly, having no idea what the next click might hold. Sites like Break and College Humor are massively successful because we know that each day, new and unexpected items are going to be uploaded to them. They might be funny, they might be stupid, or they might be one of the greatest things we’ve ever seen, read, or heard. But one thing is certain. There will be at least something we’ve never seen before and that excites us. We know we’re getting something fresh, something new, something we might even love.

There’s a reason people don’t spend an hour a day pouring through their local paper or strolling through the library or going to the bookstore instead of using Amazon and it’s because we’ve got shit to do. Like work. Like play. Like experiencing life.

Or maybe more like spending an hour watching the Top 25 videos on YouTube or reading the most Digg-ed articles of the week.

Either way, don’t blame technology for the “lost arts” of wasting time or serendipity. Neither are going away any time soon. If anything, technology has only enhanced them both and allows us to pursue them as much we want.

My mom needs to figure out which airline is offering the following job position and then seriously consider switching over to them

Overheard today while standing in line at the local gas station:

(All words spoken in a heavy, thick drawl.)

Customer #1: Man, I cain’t believe tha’ kids didn’t have school terday. I’s looking forward ter gettin’ ‘em outter tha house ‘gain!
Customer #2: I know whatcha mean! What’s even worse is I had no ideer everythang was closed ’til I got to the post office and saw nobaudy there. I wasted 30 minutes today just because Ford died!
Customer #1: It makes nor sense to me. I know Ford is ‘portant an all, but what makes him and his comp’nay so special? I don’t even see how peoples drive anythang other than a Chevy.
Customer #2: Oh, they’ll find any excuse to not have ter work, them lazy people in Washin’ton. It don’t matter who died. President of Ford. King of Canada. Hell, it don’t matter! They’ll just give ‘em some bullshit medal an’ close everythang for the day.

Both customers quickly turn around to the sound of crashing glass rippling through the building as Goob bashes his head into the front pane in an effort to forget the stupidity he just overheard.

WHOSH! THIS IS FOX! ZWEEERL! LIVE FROM PHOENIX! BWERNG!

After tonight’s coverage of the Tostitos Fiesta Bowl, FOX has officially sealed its rank as the network with the worst sports coverage. Ever.

Do you enjoy good camera work? How about quick replays of recent important or big plays? Or how about a non-cluttered screen with few sound effects? Then stay away from FOX!

With all the graphics, sounds, and flashes every few seconds, you’d think the powers that be over at FOX were trying to give their viewers an epileptic seizure. Maybe they have a vested stock interest in the leading pharmaceutical company out there. My siblings racked up three months worth of being grounded before I realized that the culprits weren’t them, but instead was FOX.

Almost every replay they showed happened to be through a camera angle where the action was off screen. I can’t tell you the amount of times I watched a replay, turned to my buddy Jeff, and asked him why we were just shown a clip of two players blocking each other near the sideline. The few replays they actually did manage to show which contained some action happened to also be covered with a bare minimum of advertisements and graphics on one third of the screen. It’s such an enjoyable viewing experience when an explosive play is covered by a Nissan ad for a car nobody’s interested in!

But the real kicker had to be the camera angles. I’ve never seen such poor camera work throughout an entire game in my life. It was as if they had only two settings to choose from - nosebleed and ground level. On every play, I was either squinting to see which player had the ball or trying to identify the nose hair shown on the screen. I did enjoy all the aerial coverage of the indoor dome they were playing in, though! Maybe next time you could install a camera underground and show me the dirt beneath the 50 yard line?

FOX, I understand you’re trying to be innovative and fresh. You gave us the yellow first down line and the glowing puck, which are awesome. But there’s a fine line between a cool, new feature and pissing off your viewers.

And I’m pissed.

EDIT: Wow. Holy Shit, wow. One of the best endings to a football game I’ve ever seen was the only redeeming factor that saved FOX tonight. I love Trickeration plays. I love teams like Boise State who run 20000 Trickeration plays in a row even more.