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• Chilean people will give you the shirt off their back if you ask for it.
• It’s fun to double cross the evil taxi drivers at the airport who try to charge three times what a ride into downtown Santiago should cost.
• Drivers in Chile need all the help they can get when it comes to parallel parking.
• I have 15 minutes to move my cube.
• Jogte is delicious. You need to watch out for “game overs” though.
• Most South American meals involve a minimum of 5 pounds of beef, including breakfast, which leads to…
• The medical mystery as to why the people down here aren’t all lining up for heart transplants by age 10.
• Santiago has a little smog problem.
• If you ever need to get to the Black Cate cafe in Buenos Aires, don’t let me navigate. I can find Evita’s tomb, however, with my eyes closed.
• Que?
• The fact that the Rugby World Cup isn’t on TV here in the states is almost criminal.
• Together, Chong and I are utter failures at reading soccer schedules and buying drugs without prescriptions.
• Oh, here it is!
• If you enjoy watching the same three commercials over and over again on a loop, then you really need to watch some TV down here.
• Julio is not a house DJ, despite how cool he might be otherwise. His girlfriend, though, will take care of your drunk ass, help you get on the right buses, get into clubs, and buy more much needed booze.
• If some guy keeps following you and offering to sell you some drugs, just ask for heroin.
• One of the best jobs to have in South America is to own a cafe. All you do is stand around and talk on the phone. A close runner up would be a spray painting street performer.
• Don’t mess with anybody else’s pile of garbage.
• Five thousand dollars for a lunch meal! Damn, these people are rich as hell!
• If you order any juice, you might as well be ordering an IV of diabetes.
• Aqua con gas is very refreshing. I don’t know how we live without it up here.
• Upon a successful landing at Santiago’s airport, it’s entirely appropriate for all the passengers to burst into applause as a thank you to the pilots for not slamming us into the Andes.
• Beware the ladies!
• Seriously. Gas Water. It’s awesome. If you buy a bottle, just chug the whole thing and thank me later.
• When being heckled by a Spanish-speaking street performer, just say you’re Canadian and he’ll leave you alone.
• $5 USD buys you a slice of pizza, two empanadas, a liter of beer, and a cafe con leche down here. Back home, I’m pretty sure that doesn’t even buy a gallon of milk.
• It’s cool if animals just roam around the zoo free at will.
• salud, conche tu madre!
• It’s easy to see how an earthquake down here would literally rape half of their cities.
• Make sure there aren’t any strategically placed mirrors in the public bathrooms before you start peeing.
• My Spanish is on the same level as a retarded 2-year old African monkey.
• University campuses down here have an ambiance on par with a morgue.
• Now that Bob Barker has some free time, he needs to come down to Chile and remind people to have their dogs spayed and neutered.
• The National Wildlife Reserve is Buenos Aires needs another entrance/exit.
• If you ever travel anywhere and enjoy shitty maps, horrible restaurant suggestions, and the urge to kill, then pick up a travel guide written by Frommer’s!
• Sometimes a nigga’s gotta race!
• Chilean wineries can’t hide from our keen sense of navigation.
• “You guys don’t speak Spanish? That must be hard…” - yeah, thanks bitch. We certainly got by!
• And finally, it’s kinda embarrassing when you get cut off at the bar in a South American horse track bar. Just take my word on it.

All in all, a hell of a time