Shyzer.com

The Internet never ceases to amaze me.

I’ve never had to ride in an ambulance and *goes to knock on wood* hopefully such a situation in my life will never arise. I have had to call a few to be dispatched, however. The most recent was when my little sister was having a cute little seizure that left her dangling between our world and one where it’s okay for kids to talk in tongue and roll their eyes up into the backs of their head. Yet now, thanks to the wonder that is the world wide web, you can hire your very own air ambulance whenever your next life threatening emergency rears its ugly head. Or I guess if you’re just feeling lazy!

Gone are the days where only the mega rich or the occasional critically injured patient gets to fly around in the lap of luxury, for now we all can! And of course by lap of luxury, I’m referring to the fact that air ambulance patients are often drugged up on pain killers. Now that’s the way to travel! And Michael Moore says our Healthcare system is broken! I dare him to point out another country where anybody with an American Express Black can order a helicopter delivered right to their house.

I guess my main question here is how fast does this service actually pan out to be in real time? I mean, seriously, their phone number is for their “dispatch” center. Unless they’ve got a helo parked right next door, would I not be better off just dialing good ole’ 911? Or do they simply have a whole fleet of domestic air ambulances spread across the land? If so, that’d be kinda cool, but I have trouble believing that. No, I picture in my head (which obviously means I’m already on the wrong track, but whatever) just one helicopter racing around from coast to coast in a futile effort to save as many people as possible. I can see it now:

Saint Peter: Wait, what the hell happened down there tonight? (And yes, we get to cuss in my Heaven.)
Goob: Eh, you know, the usual. I chopped a finger off while cutting up some carrots for dinner.
Saint Peter: And…you died from that injury?
Goob: Well yeah. I mean, I could have called a regular ambulance to come pick me up in a timely fashion, but what’s the fun in that? You know how I like to roll in style. So I had to wait while they flew in a chopper from Tulsa and long story short, I bled out.
Saint Peter: Yeah, on second though, I don’t think you’re quite Heaven material. Tough break, kid.

Fine, maybe this actually could be of good service to people who can both afford it and have the foresight to know when they’re going to need a speedy trip to their nearby burn unit. But if this doesn’t prove to you that before long we’ll be ordering our children on-line or downloading our TiVOs right into our frontal lobes, I don’t know what will. Is this a bad thing? I don’t really think so, but that’s just because I CAN ORDER A FREAKING AIR AMBULANCE ON-LINE!

Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go order one of these helicopters to Nigeria to pick up my new child I just adopted. I’ve never met him, but according to his profile on-line, he’s filthy rich. Score one for Goob!