Shyzer.com

I think of stories and ideas for Shyzer posts all the time. Most of the time their lost due to forgetfulness or realization that they’re stupid, but every now and then my brain will grasp them just long enough for me to get to a computer and type them down in the Word document I have titled “Shyzer Posts QUESTION MARK.” It’d look much nicer if I could have an actual “?” in the file name, but for reasons unbeknownst to me, Bill Gates in all his wisdom and glory decided somewhere along the line that us simpletons didn’t deserve to use a question mark in our file names. But golly jeepers, he gave us solitaire and minesweeper!

This document I speak of contains 13,794 words and is over 20 pages long with only a few blank lines separating each new topic. Some are only short fragments that I don’t even understand anymore. Other times there are paragraphs or two where I started to write a post and then abruptly stop for one reason or another only to pick it back up at a later date. And finally, sometimes things get a little lost in the shuffle and are rendered obsolete after a few weeks due to their time sensitive nature

This is such a post, which was written sometime in early July:

Dear local and national news networks,

Stop giving us hourly updates on Barbaro. What with WWIII starting in Middle East’s Paris, Type O Dong missiles flying all over the world, and the Mariners still employing one of the worst managers in baseball, I don’t have time to listen about how doctors now feel that Barbaro’s state of mind is solid. It’s a horse. You have no idea what his state of mind is. For all you know, he could simply be sitting there thinking “Brrrrrrrrrr, I’m a horse who likes oats and apples!” It’s wonderful that somebody has the compassion and funds to pay for all these expensive medical costs to keep a horse alive, but that doesn’t mean you have to give us the horse’s condition on CNN, ESPN, and even my damn local news simply because an hour just passed and he didn’t die. So the next time I hear a story about this freaking horse, he better have either A) died B) won a race or C) found a cure to cancer.

Thank you for your time,

Goob