Shyzer.com

I’ll be honest; this laptop I got for free has been a Godsend. The built-in wireless Internet in addition to the neighbor’s unsecured channel (and now, our own channel, cleverly titled Shyzer) has equaled me being able to sit outside in the sun and type/chat/surf until my little heart’s content.

Of course, that was before the record breaking 429 F heat wave swept through the area, causing pavements to sizzle, plant life to shrivel, and my own body to boil and burst after a mere 12 seconds of direct sunlight. I like to say I’m in the wrong era and should have been born 400 years in either direction, but damn if my ancestors didn’t get screwed over by not having AC.

As for my predecessors in the future…well, I’m sure that by 2406, we’ll have invented some sort of ray gun that zaps those cute little umbrellas in tropical drinks and enlarges them into global heat shields. I figure the inspiration for such a device will come from either American’s lazy desire not to have to put on sunscreen anymore because it’s too much of a hassle or because the o-zone will have become only a brief paragraph in their history books, like the dodo bird, Democrats, or Lebanon.

Whichever comes first.