Shyzer.com

I hate basketball. I usually can’t stomach watching or playing basketball for more than 20 seconds at a time. Although, to be fair, I’m a huge fan of Mark Cuban and if there’s anything that will get me to watch a game, it’s him. Pro sports in general need more owners like him. You can argue whether his heart on the sleeve type attitude is good or bad for the sport or whether he’s vastly annoying or not, but you’d be hard pressed to find a Dallas Mavericks fan (or simply any basketball fan for that matter) who didn’t like him. Why? Because he actually cares about his team and of all things, wants to win and make the league better while he’s at it. You don’t think fans of the Minnesota Twins or Oakland A’s would kill to have an owner who actually wanted to win and was willing to spend in order to do so? Exactly.

Hockey is alright. I love watching Olympic hockey, where the rinks are wider and the play is much more fluid, but for the most part I haven’t been a fan of American hockey for the better part of the past eight years. Soccer? Ok, I’ll admit, I’m a big fan. Maybe it was all the years of playing soccer as a kid or maybe it was watching Brandy Chastain strip on the field after making her shot against the Chinese, but somewhere along the line I fell in love with watching a good game of soccer. And I think we all know my thoughts and feelings on baseball.

So with that said, how in the hell did June 2006 morph into one of the best all around months for sports?

Seriously, I can’t think of another month where five major sporting events took place that I was fully invested in. If I liked golf, that number could have been six, but who in their right mind can watch a bunch of guys play golf?

Six games of the basketball finals? I watched each one. Seven Stanly Cup finals games? Ditto. World Cup? College World Series? Mariners baseball? I haven’t missed a beat.

The basketball finals were great to watch simply because I didn’t know Gary Payton was still in the league on Miami’s roster. I remember back in 1996 when Payton led the SuperSonics to the finals against Jordan and trust me, that feat alone almost sucked me into the basketball world. Needless to say, I was damn happy to finally see him win a ring this year. As for hockey, man oh man was that a good series. I found it oddly pleasing that the Carolina’s first pro championship came in hockey. That’s right, in a place where football, baseball, and basketball rule the land and where a grand total of 19 people have ever played ice hockey, the freaking Carolina Hurricanes are the first to bring home a championship. Suck on that, Panthers.

Despite America’s performance, the World Cup’s been a beauty to watch. Sure, the usual suspects are the only teams remaining and it isn’t over yet, but up to now anybody who’s watched a game can’t admit it hasn’t been entertaining. Okay, I take that back, there are plenty of Americans who will whine it’s been boring, but they just don’t get the sport. The College World Series was also great, even if the Gamecocks were eliminated far too early. I started cheering for Oregon State when I saw the stat flash across the screen that the school’s only other championship came back in the 1970s in the oh-so riveting sport of Cross Country. Hell, I ran CC for a few years and even I would be disappointed if that was my school’s only championship. Luckily for those Beavers, however, they beat UNC in resounding fashion to claim the title.

But to be completely honest, the best event of all has been the entire past month of Seattle Mariners’ baseball. On May 30th they were 22-32. Now? 40-39, an improvement of eleven games. I’ll be the first to admit it might not last and that on July 29th, I might be lamenting of what could have been. But the pure fact that they are currently only two games out of first place and that I haven’t seen the Mariners win like this in over three years translates into me watching and enjoying every damn game recently. MLB.tv is a great asset in moments like these and I would like to take this time to personally thank the NL West for all the hospitality they’ve shown the Mariners over the course of this season. It’s not every year an entire division rolls over and plays dead just so Seattle can get some much needed wins. God, if you’re listening, I’ll order a few more 17-7 months for the Mariners, if you don’t mind.

And with that, tonight’s first pitch was four minutes ago and I’ll be damned if I’m missing more Mariners baseball. Adios folks.

As if I wasn’t already feeling like the loser who got left behind at the station by the Life Train, news like this starts to trickle in. First there was Stan’s announcement of engagement a month or so ago, which was pretty big news and exciting for all to hear. But just like the old days of Stoobela, Angela one upped him yet again with her announcement of becoming a baby oven. All of this is fantastic news, especially if it helps people forget I’m a 23 year old college graduate living with his family. In fact, if I want any thunder for myself, it looks like I’ll need to find a chick, knock her up, and then march her down the isle before the little devil pops out.

Seriously though, congrats you two. Y’all deserve it and I couldn’t be happier for either of y’all.

Nothing pleases me more than those random moments in life where you unexpectedly discover something grand and amazing. Whether it be picking the one random bathroom stall where a $10 bill is lying, or having a friend call you up and say he’s got an extra ticket to the ball game tonight, or looking out your window on a random Tuesday and noticing that the hottest chick in the world is in the process of moving into the house across the street. About a week ago, such an event occurred to me. Julianne asked if I wanted to watch The Chronicles of Narnia with her and since I can rarely say no to her, we plopped in front of the TV with a big bowl of popcorn and stuck the DVD in. As the credits began to roll 9 hours later, Juls and I began to talk about what we thought of the movie, but just as we got going we both stopped and turned back to the screen, mesmerized. We sat silent for a minute listening to the song that was playing before it finally gave way to some crappy Alanis Morissette tune. Within 10 minutes I’d Google’d the song, found the artist, and “obtained” it.

I must have listened to that song 100 times within the next 48 hours. Ok, according to my iPod, it was actually only 54. Still, you get my point. But the story doesn’t end there, folks. As I listened to the song, I knew there was something eerily familiar about it. The song was by an artist named Imogen Heap, but the more I listened to it, the more it sounded like Frou Frou. Many of you probably have no idea who Frou Frou is, but back in 2004 one of their songs was not only in the movie Garden State, but was also the song used in all the previews and commercials. In fact, one their songs, Hear Me Out*, is prominently featured in the new I-swear-it’s-coming-one-of-these-days-even-though-I’ve-worked-on-it-for-over-three-years-now section on Shyzer known as Shlyircs. The only reason I tell you any of this is because finally it dawned on me that “Imogen Heap was simply the chick from Frou Frou,” which clearly meant she was now flying solo and hence there was a whole new CD out there just waiting for me to devour.

It was as if I’d picked up that $10 bill only to notice there was an extra zero on the end of all the tens, or the spare ticket my buddy had for the game was a box seat, or as I watched the hot chick move in, I spotted no wedding ring. And yet the story doesn’t even end there.

About a year ago, Blink 182 announced they were going on hiatus, which we all know is the secret word for “breaking up never to return and make new music.” Now, while this may have pleased some people, it was semi-tragic to those of us who loved Blink. Their music wasn’t just soothing; it was a staple in my development and upbringing. In fact, if I were forced to pick my favorite band, Blink would give Collective Soul a run for their money. But to be honest, I wasn’t that worried. Back in 2003, two of the members of Blink branched off on a little side project called Box Car Racer, which was brilliant (and again, even more prominently featured on Shlyrics than Frou Frou.) I held out hope that with Blink on hiatus, they both might return to Box Car and simply take that up full time. But sadly, I read last July that each and every member of Box Car had no desire to return, stating it had simply been a fun little band they had no desire of growing. And with that, I gave up all hope of hearing any new Blink music.

And then three nights ago Clay fell asleep with the TV still on and I randomly turned off my iPod exactly at the right moment. Suddenly, that $100 bill had become $1000. Those box seats were for game 7 of the World Series. The hot chick was not only single, but heavily attracted to me.

As soon as I switched my iPod off and got up to do the same to the TV, I froze. We all know the only time MTV plays music videos is between 1 and 4 AM and seeing as how I was the only person still awake in the house, it’s safe the say it was right around that time frame. It didn’t even take me 10 seconds to identify the voice coming from the TV. It was Tom DeLonge, the singer from Box Car, the singer from Blink. It turns out the reason he had no desire to grow Box Car was simply because he wanted to start yet another bad, one that was bigger and better. And yet as I listened to their music, in my mind, I was listening to a new Blink CD yet again, albeit one that was a little more advanced and mature, both in lyrics and sound. Thankfully the torrents were running well that night and within minutes, I had 12 songs on my desktop by Angels & Airwaves and I must say, I don’t think I’ll be deleting a single one of them.*

It’s not every day that you find $1000 on the floor. Or get free box seats to the World Series. Or get to take a smoking hot neighbor out for dinner. Or in this case, discover some of the best songs since Coldplay’s X & Y album. But in each and every case, you learn to appreciate the random event and thank your deity of choice for delivering such a special treat.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to jam.

* – AVA and Hear Me Out can now be heard on Shyzer Radio

Just a few quick things. First off, I’ve got it set so that if comments are not allowed on a post, it shows up as “Comments Off” instead of “No Comments.” Let me just say it was much harder to do than it should have been.

Also, I’ve updated the Radio with a few new songs for your listening pleasure.

And finally, I just recently discovered that the subject of two of Shyzer’s greatest posts has returned to the net! Back in February of 04, I made the this and this post on the Objective Christian Science Fair. Well, they’re back and while they don’t have much new material, you can find their current digs over here. I updated the scripts on the second post so that the interactive children’s guides about what to do if you meet an atheist and what to say to your Hindu friends now work.

Although, I gotta admit, it seems like there’s enough new material for me to do a third post on our favorite Objective Christian Ministries. Hmmm…

If there’s one thing in politics that’s actually worth following these days, it’s the whole Net Neutrality Act and how the major ISP’s are lobbying most of the Republican’s to defeat it. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to realize that Net Neutrality is good when so many large websites and actual Internet players come out in support of it. Google, Yahoo, E-Bay, Myspace, Craigslist, Amazon and countless other major websites that are dependant on their users to keep them in buisness have all come out in favor of Net Neutrality. And why shouldn’t they?

For those of you who don’t quite understand what’s at stake here, it boils down to this. Let’s say I’m a huge fan of Swedish fishing shows or African cooking articles. Without the Internet, I’m stuck with only cable TV and my local print media and I doubt either of them would have much material on Swedish fishing or African cooking. But thanks to the Internet, I can watch Oleg’s homemade podcast on Swedish fishing and read Kimbabwesaquanda’s blog on African cooking. Hooray for hobbies!

But if Net Neutrality is defeated, my ISP suddenly has a say. Verizon, Time Warner, Adelphia, Comcast, or whoever else might provide you with Internet might decide that they don’t make enough money from Oleg’s or Kimbabwesaquanda’s websites and as such, restrict the amount of bandwidth they’ll allow to flow to those sites. Now all of a sudden when I try to go to their websites, they load painfully slow or in some cases, not at all. In essence, the Internet would cease to be a forum where any and every user, regardless of money, could sell or offer their services. Instead, with no Net Neutrality, ISP’s could auction off the Internet to the highest bidder.

And don’t be fooled into thinking only small blogs would be effected by this. Time Warner owns CNN. Well, what’s to stop them from blocking all their users from going to msnbc.com and foxnews.com so that now all their users are forced to use their news service? How about this: TW also owns Sports Illustrated, so what’s to stop them from blocking ESPN.com? Or what if TW, who owns AOL and thus AIM, blocked customers from using MSN or Yahoo Messenger, forcing people to use AIM. And the examples don’t stop with just TW. Verizon could block any cell phone competitor’s website. Comcast could block VH1 or MTV’s websites and force me to go to E! Entertainment’s. The list of possibilities is endless thanks to the number of assets these giant corporations own. I simply picked on TW because not only are they the biggest, but this past April, their AOL asset blocked all emails that mentioned www.dearaol.com – an advocacy campaign opposing the company’s pay-to-send e-mail scheme.

Most supporters of Net Neutrality claim that if my ISP starting throttling websites, then I should switch to an ISP who doesn’t. That’s fine and dandy in theory, but in reality, how many ISP’s can I pick from? In 99% of the country, there is only one or two ISP to choose from and if I don’t like either of them, tough luck. In fact, website throttling is already happening in Canada, where the situation is actually much worse than here in the states. Most major Canadian ISP’s pinch off bittorrent traffic so that their users can’t download anything and one such ISP, Telus, blocked customers from visiting a Web site sympathetic to the Telecommunications Workers Union during a labor dispute. China isn’t the only country with banned websites people; it’s slowly but surely coming to our shores. Sites like Save The Internet are trying to spread the word, but I find that not enough people realize what’s actually at stake here for the longterm development of the Internet.

To put it to you another way, if the current bill in Congress passes and your ISP decides that I don’t pay enough money to them (which I can assure you I won’t), then they will throttle your bandwidth to Shyzer so that you can’t access it from your home. And I don’t know about y’all, but a world without Shyzer simply isn’t a world I want to live in.

Oh, and comments are on for this post. I wish I could have it automatically let y’all know whether they are on or not without having to click the comments button, but until I figure out how, this is how I’ll let y’all know.

Uhhh….hi there folks. I just wanted to make sure I had a post in Shyzer’s archives with the date 6/6/06.

Job accomplished.

I’ve been subbing recently at one specific school. This school, save for the gym teacher, has no full time male teachers. You might say when I walk in the office or hang out with the other teachers on the playground, I feel a bit outnumbered. Sometimes the teachers forget I’m within earshot and let slip something that was meant for female ears only. Other times, they’ll be talking about a topic I can’t participate in (today’s being gynecologist visits) before I jump in for the easy laugh and joke about my experience with said non-unisex topic. It’s all good though, since most of the teachers and office workers there are great and I have a blast with all the kids.

Last week I was working in the office after hours when a phone call came in for one of the other teachers. I put the caller on hold before switching over to the school-wide loudspeaker and paging her to let her know about the call. Seconds later, I saw the line go through and I knew she’d heard me and picked up, so I instantly forgot all about it. A few minutes later though, a teacher came into the office laughing hysterically. It turns out there was a teacher who had been sick recently and not known I was working in the building now. Upon hearing me page the other teacher over the speakers, she stuck her head out of her classroom, looked around, and asked, “Was that God?”