Shyzer.com

It’s time for another round of my newest favorite pasttime, reading Random Jack Bauer Facts. I literally spend a good 30-45 minutes on that site each day and it has yet to get old. Plus, Google seems to think Shyzer is the leading authority on Jack Bauer stats and facts and they’ve been sending me massive amounts of traffic lately, so I mustn’t disappoint. So, without further A Due.

1. Osama bin Laden’s recent proposal for truce is a direct result of him finding out that Jack Bauer is, in fact, still alive.
2. Jack Bauer has been to Mars. That’s why there’s no life on Mars.
3. In kindergarten, Jack Bauer killed a terrorist for Show and Tell.
4. In 96 hours, Jack Bauer has killed 93 people and saved the world 4 times. What the fuck have you done with your life?
5. Jack Bauer once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves.
6. Instead of buzzing, Jack Bauer’s alarm clock screams out “THERE ISN’T ANYMORE TIME!”
7. Jack Bauer once had CTU open a socket to the depths of hell.
8. Jack Bauer only needs one page to solve the Da Vinci Code, not 454.
9. Normal people have trouble killing two birds with one stone. Jack Bauer can kill thirteen birds simultaneously with a dull pencil.
10. When Kim Bauer lost her virginity, Jack Bauer found it and put it back.