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Somebody needs to drag The History Channel into the backyard and shoot it in the head with a double barrel shotgun.

Back when our local cable provider first picked it up, it was a big moment in the Geek Department of my life. I was no longer forced to rely upon “books” or “teachers” to learn about history - good ole’ TV could start pumping into my room and I could absorb as much of it as humanly possible before switching over to Comedy Central late at night to catch those hot Girls Gone Wild commercials.

But now? Now my stomach cringes any time I flip over to channel 70. Somewhere along the way, they succumbed to what I call the “24 Hour News Syndrome.” Out with the trash went responsible reporting and actual…oh, what’s the word…facts. In turn, they started airing sensational pieces that are meant to entertain, truth be damned. Gone are the days of airing episodes based on documents and speeches and the like and in are the days of interviewing authors of horribly written books who think they know what they’re talking about because they’re run a blog on the subject for the past 4 years.

I’m guessing they did for the same reason every other network has made the switch - ratings. I can only imagine how few people watched a channel dedicated to nothing but dead people and things that happened 500 years ago. But even with that said, The History Channel took a giant and messy dump on those of us who loved them back in the day and who appreciate that F word I spoke of earlier. Out of the shows I watched this week, I counted somewhere along the lines of 25+ major blatant and outright mistakes and/or lies and this is considering the fact that I’m nowhere near excellently versed in many of these fields. To make matters worse, I’ve Googled a few of the “experts” they’ve had on their show and the only thing a few of these guys seem to be experts in is tricking television networks into thinking their experts in something.

When somebody watches a show like Inside Edition or anything on MTV, they know (at least, they should know) that whatever they’re seeing is for entertainment purposes only and that for all they know, it’s completely scripted and fake. But when you watch a station like The Discovery Channel of The History Channel, you would hope to have a shred of truth in whatever you’re watching. To The History Channel’s credit, I guess, they’ve gotten better at making things entertaining without outright lying. For instance, in most episodes and specials (such as the Little Ice Age a few weeks back and the one last night about secret organizations), for 58 minutes they air conspiracy theories, ludicrous claims, and wild accusations. Then, in the closing minutes, they say something along the lines of “Some historians, however, disagree with these findings and therefore the debate will go on forever.” Wow, thanks for showing us both sides and giving us a full view on the subject, guys. I would have hated it if I’d only gotten to hear about the view held by 0.00001% of historians, but luckily for me you tossed in that final sentence to give those 99.99999% of people a voice.

I’m not saying the minority shouldn’t have a voice for who knows how much of history we’ve screwed up and gotten wrong. But don’t pass off what they say as complete truth. My faith in the American publics intelligence isn’t that strong and frankly, if you don’t spell out for them that what you’re saying is simple the opinion and views held by only a small number, then they may start to think that what you’re saying is what actually happened in the past. And if there’s one thing that I can’t stand more than green beans or Laura Bush’s face, it’s people who rewrite history.

So fucking stop it. Now. Thanks.