Shyzer.com

As Stan so tactfully pointed out on the tagboard, I forgot to upload a post. This exact post as a matter of fact.

Remember how I talked about something a week ago called Dial a Jerk? Well, ever since Stan released this feature a week ago, the response has been amazing. Complete and total strangers have called to leave us messages. Daily readers have called to leave us messages. We’ve even had a Telephone Relay Operator (those folks that type stuff out for deaf people) call and read us lyrics from Basket Case.

So, naturally, we all felt the need to call in and leave messages for each other. I called once to complain about Stan’s music selection / volume level while he was on Live Stan Cam one afternoon, so not only did everybody get to hear my voice, we got to watch and view Stan’s reaction when he received my message! Angela also called and left us a brief message, although I have to say, we were completely and utterly shocked. Not by the fact that she called, but by the fact of how her voice sounded. I think it was about 0.001% of what either one of us thought it would sound like. So we asked her, nay, we begged her to call us the next time she became “socially happy” and leave us a message.

As they say, ask and ye shall receive slurred drunken messages from friends!.

Seriously, it’s by far one of the best drunken voicemails I’ve heard, and that’s including my own. I think the best part of the night was the conversation Stan and I were having about it as tears streamed down our faces from laughing so much.

Stan: I like how we are laughing and dissecting her message and she is either upside down in a ditch or getting buck nutty with the boy she met. Hahaha.

Seriously, if you have 40 seconds and you want to laugh, and go and listen. Now.

I’m not sure how many of you are huge video game fans out there, but there’s something that I’ve been following for over a year and a half now that I am dangerously excited about. On September 14th, a DVD will be released that has been two years in the making and one that I’ve been waiting for since I was a wee little teenager. It’s a DVD that I’ve been waiting for long before Shyzer was even a figment of my imagination or before either of my smallest two siblings were even conceived. And yet now I only have three weeks until it finally arrives.

See the link “Video Games” over there on the left? Now honestly, how many of you have actually read through any of that? I probably haven’t updated any of those pages in well over a year (but they don’t really need updating per say) and most of the writing I did on them was some of the earliest stuff I did, but it’s still an important piece of Shyzer to me because it’s an important piece of my life. I grew up on video games and played them religiously. I was the kid who knew every cheat code there was and who my friends called up when they couldn’t beat the boss on level 4 of their game. I’d give any video game a shot once or twice if I came across it, but I soon began to seek out those rare video games that were an actual experience, one that you would remember years down the road.

When the printing press was invented back in 1450 (HA! I didn’t even have to Google that. See, I’m putting that History Degree to work every day!), critics felt it was going to be the end of verbal storytelling. When movies debuted in the early twentieth century, many critics felt they would be the end of books and the art of novels and stories. Well, as I scan my desk right now, I see three books stacked up on top of a DVD and earlier this evening I told a bedtime story about Pokemon to my little brother as he was drifting to sleep. The point I’m trying to make is that neither the art of storytelling nor the art of great novels and books was lost. All three mediums are still thriving and are fully accepted in society as an acceptable way to tell a story, from the awarding of Pulitzer and Booker Awards, to the Oscars, to….well, I’m sure we all have our favorite story told to us by our grandmothers when we were little.

However, there is one genre that is still viewed by many as “childish,” not appreciated for what it can produce, and thought of as pointless clutter. I’m of course talking about video games. But thankfully, this stereotype is starting to fade as more and more amazing video games are produced - not amazing due to their graphics or amount of killing and carnage, but amazing due to their stories. I don’t say this lightly, but I have played a few video games in my life that would rival some of my favorite books in terms of the story, character development, plots, and pure emotions involved. I’ve grown attached to characters in video games just as strongly as I did to the characters from The Stand. I’ve had the water works act up when things have happened in video games just like I did when…well, I can’t ruin that part of Harry Potter. You get the gist of what I’m saying though.

But like I said, this stereotyping of video games is thankfully ending as more and more great story telling games are becoming popular. Sure the genre has a long way to go before society fully accepts and embraces it and starts awarding awards to it, but video game companies are already recognizing the potential. Full symphony orchestras like the Boston Pops and the London Symphony Orchestra as well as popular bands and artists are working on soundtracks for video games. Writers and creative minds are employed in the thousands by various companies to help write script and dialogues for games. And graphic artists are continuing to improve their work on scenery and surroundings, all in the name of producing a brilliant storytelling experience.

But what started the trend? What swung the pendulum from only video game “nerds” appreciating these games to companies and mass amounts of people? Well if you’ve read my video games section, you know the answer to this is Final Fantasy VII. I won’t go into the whole spiel about how that game achieved this, because I’ve already done it on the page I just linked. But what I will say is that since 1997, I’ve dreamt of a sequel. I’ve waited patiently for a sequel. I’ve on some occasions prayed for a sequel instead of for good health or prosperity or any of that other good stuff.

On September 14th, my waiting and prayers will be answered in the form of a DVD titled Final Fantasy: Advent Children. (click the download button to go to a page where you can view the 2:30 trailer. Simply unbelievable stuff!). I’ll take a sequel in the form of a movie over nothing any day of the week. I honestly was skeptical of them actually completing and releasing this because as I said at the start of this short post that seemingly grew into a long ramble of my view on things, I heard about this almost two years ago. In mid 2003, Square announced that it was working on the project and that it would be completed by Summer 2004. Well, when that date rolled around, they said they were still working on it, but that it would be completed by January 2005. When I returned from Australia and it still wasn’t out, I started to lose hope, but then the announcement came that retailers were now being shipped the DVD and ordered to sell on the upcoming 14th. And trust me, I will be the first in line at our local Wal-Mart when the clock strikes midnight on September 14th.

But to make matters even more exciting, there is this little video of the opening sequence to Final Fantasy VII that was remade with current graphic technology and released by Sony. Why’s it so exciting? Well, I think that question is answered right around the minute mark of that video clip.

One can only dream.

I’ve got quick favor to ask of all my college and recent college graduate readers out there. Most schools now-a-days give out college e-mail addresses, something like Goob@webmail.sc.edu or John@Harvard.edu or whatever. The only problem is that 99% of people don’t ever use them; at least I never used it and none of my friends ever used it. We all had yahoo or hotmail addresses and there was no real need to change.

Anyways, what I am looking for is as many e-mail addresses from as many different schools as possible. So, if you are like most people and don’t use your e-mail address, please let me know. I’ll only need access to it for just a few minutes and if you’re security conscious, you can either change the password on it to something generic or just do what I need to do for me. It will take all of 30 seconds, tops.

So you can either e-mail me, contact me via your favorite messaging system, or leave a comment with your contact info. This will not only benefit my new site Hey, It’s Free, but it will help out Shyzer immensely as well. Thanks in advance folks!

The past week has been quite hectic and yet there’s not one single large accomplishment I’ve made or project I’ve taken on. It’s mainly been just catching up on all the little crap that I’ve put off for the past three months. The hunt for a job is in full swing, my plans for the next few months (some of which are quite secretive…in the good way…you’ll understand once I reveal them) are taking up most of my brain activity, and there’s still the moving, unpacking, seeing my family, etc.

And of course, there’s Hey, It’s Free, which opened up earlier this week. I want to thank everyone for the kind words as well as constructive criticism. I’m still tweaking the site constantly, trying to find out what works and what doesn’t, where to place ads, what type of ads, etc. And of course there’s the large amount of material that I’ve been writing for the site. Here’s to hoping it pays off and Hey, It’s Free takes off. Remember, tell your family and friends about it and seriously, if there’s anything you don’t understand, ask me! That’s what the site is freaking for!

But that’s not the only web venture that I’m striking out upon. Oh no. For the past year or so I’ve had quite a bit of pent up energy to make a few more sites, some for business and some for fun. The next one is already under development (sadly it’s a business and I’m still undecided if I want to affiliate it with Shyzer. We’ll just have to see) and then there’s the next one over the horizon that hopefully will be ready by October. Like the title says, it’s heaps of work, but I’m enjoying it and learning so much as I progress.

Anyways, I know this has been a bit of a random post, but I wanted to give a small update on things. Check back here later on today as there will be a few updates on the site to check out. Until then, I’m off to bed and waking up early tomorrow. Job interviews…what a waste of time…

Remember the post I made a little over one year ago talking about Freeipods.com? For those of you who weren’t with us then and are too lazy to click the link, I discussed in it how successful and legitimate the site was and how I was on the verge of obtaining my own iPod for free. Well, like I said, I received my free iPod with little to no hassle whatsoever and since then, numerous amounts of companies have capitalized on the success known as the “freebie craze.”

There are sites where you can obtain free digital camera and free laptops. You can obtain free flatscreen monitors and TVs and even free desktop computers. And for the ladies out there, you can even get free Louis Vuitton or Gucci handbags. You can receive pure cash via Paypal or even computer or car parts to add onto your current hardware. The possibilities are seemingly endless.

So why do I bring all this up one year later? Well, as I said, there are plenty of legitimate companies out there. But for every safe site out there, there are five dodgy ones that I wouldn’t go near. It’s quite easy for anybody to start one of these sites and in the end they never send out the free prizes they promise. As well, there are many trial offers that I would suggest staying away from (DAMN AOL!) and so I decided that with the explosion of popularity in the freebie craze, people might find it useful to have a centralized location to receive news, tips, help, and suggestions along the way. I’ve been getting free prizes for over a year now and I felt that the knowledge I picked up along the way shouldn’t go to waste, so I created Hey, It’s Free! On it, you can find a walkthrough, tips, message boards, offer suggestions, and reviews of many of the popular sites. I’ll let you know which ones to go near, which ones to avoid, and the best ways to get your freebie prizes.

And to show that I know what I’m talking about, the Grand Opening Post on Hey, It’s Free! gives you a simple walkthrough on how to get a brand new free DVD! So if you’re interested in getting a free ipod, x-box, or good ‘ole cash, go check out Hey, It’s Free! Heck, it’s worth your while just to go and get the free DVD, so what are you waiting for?!

As we all know, I am a jerk. I’m even in a collective circle of other jerks. The leader of said circle is Stan, a familiar face here on Shyzer. Always the innovator, he devised Stan Cam earlier this year where he set up a webcam to follow his every movement. That’s was cool.

Later, he came up with Jerk TV, where a funny movie would be broadcast on Circle of Jerks for anybody and everybody to watch. That was pimp.

But earlier today, he simply outdid himself. He set up Jerk Voicemail.

It’s quite simple. Whenever you are bored / drunk / angry / stoned / happy / pissed off at El Nino / in jail and needing to make your one phone call / or plain out in a goofy mood, you can call Jerk Voicemail. The message will then be posted on Circle of Jerks for all to hear. The possibilities are endless with this and I for one cannot wait to get smashed and send in a drunken voicemail. But since I don’t see getting drunk in the foreseeable future, I’m just gonna call tomorrow and see what happens. I recommend you all do the same!

The number is 636-578-7220 and your privacy will be protected to the fullest extent. Your number will never be revealed to the public and if you accidentally say something personal in the message, we’ll bleep it out. So what are you waiting for?! Go call right now and leave a message! And if you’re too chicken to do so, head on over to Circle of Jerks and listen to the messages that have already been sent in!

Tomorrow, I will finally be moving my permanent address to a location outside South Carolina borders. I say finally because this has been a desire of mine ever since I was a wee little Goobling in middle school. Sure, I could have left when I was going to college and there’s still a part of me that wishes I had gone and become a Wolverine or Gator like I wanted to, but as we all know, I became a Gamecock. So I figure there’s no time better than now to pack up, head a few states over, and see what it’s like there. I guarantee you come 2006 I’ll be tired of Virginia, but the key to that phrase is that I’ll finally be growing tired of a new place instead of South Carolina.

Like the title says, I never really was a Southern Boy. It’s just not my cup of tea. South Carolina will always be my home, there’s no masking or escaping that, but it will be a home that I visit only during holidays and then leave behind again for a while. If anything, Australia finally gave me the courage to get the hell out of this state and go do my own thing, which is exactly what I’m doing.

This is the first step to bigger and better things. I’ve already made plans that will almost triple the number of countries I’ve been to in my life in only a year’s time, the first of which occurs next month. And as we all know, moving back to Australia is actually not that far off in the horizon =)

But to begin any journey, you’ve got to make that first step. Well here’s mine. It only took me 10 years to get the hell out of this place!

Okay, so maybe they used my full name instead, but it would have been so kickass had they announced me as Goob.

For those of you not paying attention, my college graduation was a week ago. And of course, one of the highlights of graduation is the commencement address. It’s one of the rare times where funny and important people go out of their way to commend you and kiss your ass. Never one to turn down a good ego boosting, I eagerly searched the night before I was to graduate to find out who would be speaking at my graduation.

Some classes get Will Ferrell or Jon Stewart, which I must say is by far my favorite Commencement Address I’ve ever read. Heck, some even get President Bush, although let’s be honest here, it had to be hard for a few hundred well educated people to sit and smile while the President stumbled over basic words. But what about my graduation, you ask? I got the Father of Aerobics.

I kid you not, the speaker for my graduation was The Father of Mother Fucking Aerobics.

He spent the first five minutes talking about how he invented the word aerobics and how the rest of the world had trouble interpreting it into their native tongue. He then moved on to talk about all the books he’s written and all the places he’s spoken at. By this point, the girl beside me and I were whispering to each other how we guessed he was going to tie this all into context. My guess was that he was going to use a route such as talking about the importance of a strong body and then switch over to the importance of having a strong mind as well, which is where we came in.

But the speech just kept going on about him. He began to lecture and almost scream how unhealthy our society is today and how heart attack rates would go down significantly if we would all just get off our asses and exercise a bit. It was around this point that he began to turn red in the face, which led me to mumble something about it looked like he was going to have a heart attack right there on the stage, which would have been oh so poetic.

When he reached the point in his rant where we will be the first generation to die before our parents, I almost began to feel fat. What the fuck, it’s my graduation day and I’m being yelled at over my health. Thanks asshole. About fifteen minutes later, he thanked us for our time, turned around, and sat down.

Without saying one damn word about us. Not even a congratulations or a good luck. I’m now boycotting aerobics.

Twenty minutes later, however, my mind was completely void of any thoughts about our lovely speaker. I was standing in line, name card in hand, ready to walk across the stage. Before we had gotten started, however, our school President had asked for all claps and cheers to be held until the end of the ceremony. The process of calling out names, walking across the stage, and shaking his hand was going to take a while and if we waited for everybody to clap each time, it would have been as long and mind numbingly boring as the entire Lord of the Rings trilogy. Of course, the two “barking” fraternities were there to hoot and bark for their brothers who were graduating, but this was to be expected. In case you never had the joy to experience a barking frat on your campus, they’re two frats that have some retarded tradition of barking as loud as humanly possible whenever they hear another bark. So, say a brother is standing in the middle of campus and for the hell of it feels like barking out loud. He’ll cup his hands, bark, and within five seconds he’ll receive barking responses from any brothers who heard him. They too, in turn, will receive barking responses and so for the next minute or so, the entire campus is filled with barking noises. Nothing says finer education than the reproduction of animal noises at noon on a Tuesday for no reason whatsoever.

So there I stood, in line, name card in hand, ready to take the walk. I handed my card to the announcer, began my walk, and literally fell over laughing.

As soon as the “Laude” had finished booming from the speaker, up arose a thunderous cheer from the back of the arena. I shook the President’s hand while laughing, made my way back to my seat, and laughed my ass off. Not to be outdone by any fraternity and damned if they had even been told not to do it, my family, led by my mom, had cheered like a bunch of idiots.

And I loved every second of it.

Home from graduation / the beach. Will post tomorrow. Until then, I sleep.

This evening a decided to throw a pile of clothes in the washing machine in an attempt to turn them back into items that I could wear out in public without disgusting everybody within a 40 meter radius of myself. I tossed the collective filth into the machine and walked off back to my computer for a few hours before remembering I needed to transfer everything to the dryer. I went back to the laundry room, opened the washer and dryer and pulled out the first shirt on top. As I went to put it in the dryer, I noticed little bits of white stuff all over it and upon closer examination, I realized what it was. I had left something in my pocket.

Shit.

I began racking my brain trying to figure out what I had left in what pair of shorts. Having absolutely no clue, I finally decided my best bet was to try and piece together this mystery piece of paper. Here and there I found small clumping of paper the size of fingernails, but of course I couldn’t read shit on them. I was lucky if I could make out one letter on each scrap, much less a word. And heaven forbid a single piece of paper stay intact when I touch it instead of crumbling under the crushing weight of my index finger. This fun game went on for ten minutes before I lifted a sock and spotted my savior…a piece of paper double the size of a quarter! I ran and grabbed a flashlight, less I want to touch it with my acidic hand and destroy the only remaining piece of evidence of whatever the fuck this thing was. I shone the light down in the washer, squinted to see what was on the scrap, and saw a part of my school logo.

Oh yeah, it was that stupid letter from USC. I didn’t need that anyway. I did, however, need the 20 minutes I wasted trying to figure out what in the hell it was.

The kicker though? I completely forgot to put in washing detergent, so I had to do the whole load over again.

The lesson here is to never do laundry. It’s pointless.