Shyzer.com

This evening a decided to throw a pile of clothes in the washing machine in an attempt to turn them back into items that I could wear out in public without disgusting everybody within a 40 meter radius of myself. I tossed the collective filth into the machine and walked off back to my computer for a few hours before remembering I needed to transfer everything to the dryer. I went back to the laundry room, opened the washer and dryer and pulled out the first shirt on top. As I went to put it in the dryer, I noticed little bits of white stuff all over it and upon closer examination, I realized what it was. I had left something in my pocket.

Shit.

I began racking my brain trying to figure out what I had left in what pair of shorts. Having absolutely no clue, I finally decided my best bet was to try and piece together this mystery piece of paper. Here and there I found small clumping of paper the size of fingernails, but of course I couldn’t read shit on them. I was lucky if I could make out one letter on each scrap, much less a word. And heaven forbid a single piece of paper stay intact when I touch it instead of crumbling under the crushing weight of my index finger. This fun game went on for ten minutes before I lifted a sock and spotted my savior…a piece of paper double the size of a quarter! I ran and grabbed a flashlight, less I want to touch it with my acidic hand and destroy the only remaining piece of evidence of whatever the fuck this thing was. I shone the light down in the washer, squinted to see what was on the scrap, and saw a part of my school logo.

Oh yeah, it was that stupid letter from USC. I didn’t need that anyway. I did, however, need the 20 minutes I wasted trying to figure out what in the hell it was.

The kicker though? I completely forgot to put in washing detergent, so I had to do the whole load over again.

The lesson here is to never do laundry. It’s pointless.