Shyzer.com

During the “Let’s all figure out what in the hell is up with the Google ads” campaign last week, I stumbled across an interesting site to say the least. While testing the ads on Shlyrics, I came across an add for an Alien Abduction Preventive Device. The site boasted such claims as:

The Alien Abduction Preventive Device is guaranteed for LIFE. Should you or the holder of the Alien Abduction Preventive Device be abducted 110% of the purchase price will be refunded. You can and must protect yourself and your loved ones from ALIEN ABDUCTION!

Being the ever-so-curious person that I am, I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to investigate this site, so I clicked one of the many three links on the site. Upon further inspection, it appeared that the protection device was nothing more than a little pin with a line through a space saucer. Seems effective enough to me. I mean, just because an advanced race can conquer space travel, anal probing, and the mysterious of women (I’m just guessing on that last one. Hopefully somebody can figure them out), then a little copper pin would be more than enough to thwart their plans.

Still not sold? Okay, well then let me furnish you with some of the details of the guarantee.

Details of guarantee furnished with the Device.

See? Isn’t that enough to make you plop down $6.75 of your hard earned cash? And besides, if you do happen to get abducted, remember that you are getting not only a full refund, but an extra 10% back. That’s 52 cents my friends. I’d almost want to be abducted just to get my grubby hands on two quarters and pennies.

Seriously, who in the hell would buy this? Any person who purchases something like this with the realistic hopes of being protected from aliens needs to be rounded up and placed in the desert. That way, if the aliens ever do come down and demand a few heathens to sacrifice, we can point them out west and tell ‘em that we’re one step ahead.