Shyzer.com

I’ve kept in touch with a few people back home since I’ve come to Aussie. I talk to my family on a private message board, Fellner through our twice-a-week, 2000 words, dear God how can I possibly have this much to say e-mails, and of course whoever reads Shyzer. For everybody else, I basically have sent out a mass e-mail once a month just to let the old crew know that I am still alive and kicking and whatnot. In one of the first such e-mails, I alluded to a piece of advice that my professor had given me and how I hoped he was right. Turns out, he was.

As I was wrapping up my application to study in the Land Not Above, I shockingly realized that I needed one more professor recommendation than what I already had compiled. The barrel was already quite bare due to the fact that most of my early professors had already moved on to greener pastures or were away on sabbatical for the year doing research. I had already called in what favors I had to get my first two recommendations, so I had no idea where the final glowing praise of Goob was to come from. Right before I went and begged my Latin American History professor (who had known me for a grand total of four weeks), I figured I’d send a mass e-mail out to my profs on sabbatical in the hopes that one was nearby. As the responses came back in, my heart sank lower and lower. One was in England, another in California, the third in Canada. This was the point where the magic 8-ball stared you in the face with a “Outlook Not Good” fortune.

And then Gerth responded. Not only was he still around town, but he happily went out of his way to pen a recommendation for me and drop it off at his office. In one of the final e-mails I sent him, I thanked him for helping me out in such a bind and that I couldn’t wait to go to Australia. His reply came the next day and contained the following passage:

“One piece of unsolicited advice: avoid the huge temptation to cling to other Americans. Strike out on your own or make local friends. Sadly, most people cling to their own when they go overseas.”

When I arrived here in Australia, I remember quickly noticing that within a day or two, 90% of the Americans here had formed their own little group. I was still struggling to find my place amongst the friends I was slowly making and every time I saw The Americans together, I wanted to walk over and sit down with them. I imagined there being a certain level of comfort being surrounded by your own kind, people who were in the same boat as yourself and who knew what you were going through. I knew all the discomfort and anxiety would vanish if I just went over, introduced myself, and made friends with a complete group of strangers who happened to be from the same country as myself. But I never did.

In my wallet, right next to the appalling colorful paper that this country calls money, was a slip of paper with Gerth’s advice jotted on it. Any time the urge to blanket myself with security began to rise, I’d pull the note out, read it once or twice, and slide it back in my pocket. As the days grew into weeks, I found that not only had my desire to converse with the fellow Americans vanished, but I went out of my way to avoid them. I haven’t looked at that slip of paper since early March and as I type this, I can’t help but think of last night.

I caught a ride into Jeso (the local place to buy food and other “supplies”) with Keeley, Hannah, and Amanda. As we passed by the bus, I began chanting “BUS LOSERS!” out the window just for the hell of it because, not only do I know how it feels to be a Bus Loser, I know how much it sucks to be a Bus Loser. And I am never one for passing up the opportunity to remind people how much it sucks to be a Bus Loser whenever I can find a ride in a car. Irony can be a man’s best friend at times. But I noticed that the American Girls were in line for the bus, all huddled together and talking to nobody around them. I shook my head in sadness, but it was soon forgotten as the cackles from Keeley, Hannah, and Amanda filled the car from my recent outburst.

While at Jeso, we were shopping in Wolley’s (food store) for some groceries and we spotted the AG. They were walking around, buying mostly American products that they could find, acting as if the world around them didn’t exist. Keeley leaned over and sneered, “See that one right there? She’s such a witch. We have a class together and she won’t even nod when we pass each other. Why come to Australia if you’re going to ignore the Australians?”

And that just about summed it up right there. I couldn’t have said it any better and yet it reflects my feelings one hundred percent. I almost feel sorry for them, as if they are missing a great opportunity. But at the same time, I feel eternally grateful for those three sentences Gerth sent me. Had it not been for them, I might have easily gone and sat with the Americans and missed out on all of the little, everyday details that make this place amazing. I might never have sat around with all my Aussie friends making fun of the way they talk while they simultaneously make fun of me for my wretched imitation of an Aussie accent. I might never have been introduced to all the wonderful and deliciousness cookies and candies native only to Australia and known only to other Australians. I might never have become great friends with each and every person on the Aussie Cast Page, something that has made this trip amazing so far.

And of course, I might never have been able to scream “BUS LOSERS!” for a second time as we drove past them on our way back to Uni.

I can’t thank you enough Gerth.

During the “Let’s all figure out what in the hell is up with the Google ads” campaign last week, I stumbled across an interesting site to say the least. While testing the ads on Shlyrics, I came across an add for an Alien Abduction Preventive Device. The site boasted such claims as:

The Alien Abduction Preventive Device is guaranteed for LIFE. Should you or the holder of the Alien Abduction Preventive Device be abducted 110% of the purchase price will be refunded. You can and must protect yourself and your loved ones from ALIEN ABDUCTION!

Being the ever-so-curious person that I am, I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to investigate this site, so I clicked one of the many three links on the site. Upon further inspection, it appeared that the protection device was nothing more than a little pin with a line through a space saucer. Seems effective enough to me. I mean, just because an advanced race can conquer space travel, anal probing, and the mysterious of women (I’m just guessing on that last one. Hopefully somebody can figure them out), then a little copper pin would be more than enough to thwart their plans.

Still not sold? Okay, well then let me furnish you with some of the details of the guarantee.

Details of guarantee furnished with the Device.

See? Isn’t that enough to make you plop down $6.75 of your hard earned cash? And besides, if you do happen to get abducted, remember that you are getting not only a full refund, but an extra 10% back. That’s 52 cents my friends. I’d almost want to be abducted just to get my grubby hands on two quarters and pennies.

Seriously, who in the hell would buy this? Any person who purchases something like this with the realistic hopes of being protected from aliens needs to be rounded up and placed in the desert. That way, if the aliens ever do come down and demand a few heathens to sacrifice, we can point them out west and tell ‘em that we’re one step ahead.

ESPN may have pushed this far down on their front page, but I certainly think it’s more important than any draft pick made today. Your memory, and more importantly, the things you did throughout your life still live on today. I just wish I had had the opportunity to meet you in the flesh and blood.

I’ll never forget what you and almost two thousand other Americans have sacrificed for this nation. I think about, with no exaggeration, each and every day I waken. God, if you’re really up there, I hope you’ll allow me to be half the man that Tillman was.

You know, I take that back. I could die happy with just a quarter.

Thank You.

I am still up at 0332, which means that I’ve been following the election of the new pope since the story broke. And I only have one thing to say.

How does the name Joseph Ratzinger get changed into Pope Benedict XVI?! What kind of crap names does he have to chose from? Is there not any way we can get some new names added to the selection? Pope Goob VI would sound pretty cool if you ask me. Even Google is throwing me goose eggs on this subject. This is a thousand times worse than the old James to Jim switch that some people try to pull on us. IT’S NOT THE SAME NAME! That’s like me going from Ryan to Robert and then saying “eh, they start with the same letters. Close enough.”

Seriously, how do these types of questions go unasked and unanswered in the world?!

I should have taken the safe odds and placed a few bets on Ratzinger.

Seriously though, I was hoping to see a more moderately liberal Pope elected. Guess I’ll have to wait until next time. But it’s good to see a new Pope elected without much trouble. Hopefully he can be as strong a leader and moral force as Pope John Paul II was.

[deleted due to being against Google TOS]

In fact, there are so many things that I would love to buy for Shyzer (like, say, renew my Tag-Board license that is about to expire, get an advanced stat tracker, upgrade my hosting plan so that I can host more videos and pictures, and buy some discounted advertising space on a few big sites through my connections) but don’t have the extra money to spend. Which is why advertising is a helpful tool. I’d never want to rely on donations to Shyzer or force people to pay for the drivel I put on here, because I’m not even sure I would pay myself to write for a living.

And now, in keeping with my recent theme of jumping from one topic to the next, how about some baseball related news. It looks like I’ll get a chance to play 2nd and 1st grade this weekend since hardly anybody is here over the break. Any good luck sent my way will definitely be appreciated, because I sucked it up at the plate last weekend. I liked to blame it on the fact that we use wooden bats, but I can’t really pull that argument off since I didn’t keep my head down or take any pitches. They say that hitting is a skill that must be practiced year round. The general rule of thumb is if you take over a month off from baseball or hitting, you loose 6 months worth of progress and unfortunately for me, it’s been over a year since I’ve faced live pitching. The batting cages are about to become the next character added to the Aussie Cast section.

And speaking of baseball, it’s been ten days and I’ve somehow not talked about the Mariners. I had somebody actually ask me in a recent e-mail if I followed the Mariners anymore and I was stunned. As I wrote them back, I let them know that while I sat there typing to them, I was wearing a Mariners hat and T-shirt while tossing a baseball to myself in-between paragraphs. Just because they had an off year (if you can even call 99 losses an off year) does not warrant dropping ten years of blind allegiance. How can one not be excited about a team that signed Beltre and Sexson this past off season? Sure, Sexson brings with him health risks, but we got the best 3B in Beltre when you consider the fact that he’s only 25 and has been playing in the majors since he was 19. Oh yeah, and he led the league in homeruns last year. You know, just a fun little stat that some people follow. Sure, the Mariners will be lucky if they can win more games than they lose this year, but Seattle was clearly in rebuilding mode after last season. And I’m not talking about one of those Cleveland Indians 5 year rebuild modes either, I’m talking about the 1-year speed rebuild. The hitting is finally there. Grab a pitcher this off season, move Moyer and Boone off the books, bring up King Felix (#1 minor league pitching prospect whose currently in AAA…AND NINETEEN), and make a race for the playoffs.

But does that mean I’m not interested in this season since they have no shot at the playoffs? God no. I sat on MLB.com yesterday for a good five minutes watching the same video clip over and over. Listening to the crack of the bat as Sexson hit a double into the gap against Texas sent chills down my back. Watching the ball fly off this bat and drop between two helpless fielders was like was staring at my version of Van Gogh. Baseball is finally back and I can’t wait to be in Seattle with Chong this July to see a game. It’s been too long since I’ve been to Safeco.

Looks like I’ll be playing baseball here after all. I won’t bore you with the details, but I basically found out that my International Student health coverage that I was forced to purchase will cover my baseball insurance, so I then worked out a deal, money-wise, that suited me. Now I just wish I had actually brought my cleats and other baseball equipment with me instead of only my glove.

My one burning question, however, is what kind of mascot is representing us? I’ve stared at the hat in the current cam picture and for the life of me, all I can come up with is that we are the Spitting Camels? The Spittin’ Cams? The Smoking Joe Camels? The Double Humpers? What kind of team uses a spitting animal as its mascot? I’m a bit baffled here.

Right now, however, is Week 1 of our two week break. About 90% of the student population has gone home already, which means that this place is practically dead. Josh, John, and Dave are all here though, so we tend to hang out every night and watch movies or just goof around. Josh and I are probably heading up north to Aiden’s, Emma’s, and then Memma’s hometowns later this week. So it looks as if I’ll be taking Shyzer on yet another Road Trip, just as long as I can find an Internet connection while I’m gone.

And ignore the post below this one. I’m trying to see if I can “optimize” the Google Ads I’m using so that they start showing more profitable ads instead of the Dermatologist ones they are showing now. But it doesn’t really matter what ads it shows if nobody clicks them! *hint bloody hint*

Today is Day 4 of “The Aussie Cold From Hell.” I have approximately 18 pounds of mucus crammed in my nostrils and lungs and most of the day I walk around coughing and hacking as if I started chain smoking when I was three. Let’s all take a moment and thank the inventors of Ny-Quill however, because otherwise I wouldn’t sleep at night and you wouldn’t be getting this lovely Shyzer update. The cold itself isn’t so bad, but it simply has drained all my energy. I’ve never actually had just a common cold sap my energy like this and if this is how other people experience colds, then it must suck to be them. I’m up and walking around for an hour or two and then, WHAM, all of a sudden I’m sleepy. In fact, I’m walking back to my dorm and taking a nap just as soon as I hit that little “Save” button down there.

Two days ago I saw the latest episode of LOST (or, at least the latest episode at that time since we’re about a week behind in downloading them over on this side of the pond.) I won’t give away any of the details since I know Waynus hasn’t seen it yet, but I will say this. Somebody needs to give Terry O’Quinn an award. Fast.

In fact, last week’s episode was so amazing that this week, people here at Uni speed rushed the download of the latest episode. So instead of waiting close to a week, I was able to watch it last night. All I’ll say is that whoever gives O’Quinn an award needs to give another one to Matthew Fox.

And is it just me or does the music seem to be leaps and bounds beyond most other TV shows? It seems that almost every week I’m ripping at least one orchestral track off the show onto my iPod and usually I end up ripping the closing song they play as well. I fell asleep last night listening to the end part of this week’s episode just playing over and over on repeat and the night before I had done the same with last week’s episode. If anybody would be interested in rips I’ve made, let me know and I’ll get them up onto the media page.

And I know I’m a bit late on this, but one of my favorite comedians, Mitch Hedberg, died on March 31. He made his living through mainly one-liner jokes instead of the usual monologue or drawn out style that most comedians use. In fact, I found a copy of one of his CDs on the net, so I’m putting it here on Shyzer, but you need to download it within a day or two, because I’ll be taking it down soon due to bandwidth limits. If you like it, go check out his website and buy a few CDs. They’ll keep you laughing for years to come.

And with that, I’m off to bed.

For the next installment of “What Goob’s finally gotten around to fixing here at Shyzer,” I present you with a new nested album in the family section, titled “Back in the Day.” It’s basically just a collection of scanned photos of me and my family that are quite a few years old. While making this album, I realized that there were some photos in the “Old School Photos” gallery that probably should go in my newly created album, so I moved went ahead and redid the “Old School Photos” and equipped each picture with a caption. I also folded “Man Weekend” into “Goob’s Life” since the weekend in reference was over a year ago. This, of course, led me to f*#&ing reorganize the”Goob’s Life” gallery by captioning each photo and ordering them chronologically.

Sometimes my anal retentive side is excessively annoying even for me. But at least it gives you, the good reader of Shyzer that you are, something to do for a few minutes at work besides play solitaire.

In fact, always being one to borrow a good idea when I see it, I’ve copied Angela’s idea and created an updated page for Shyzer as well, which you should check out weekly or so. You can find a link to it over on the left under the newly created Heading “Shyzer.” I update the sub-pages on Shyzer more than people realize and with the soon-to-come new section that Fellner has been waiting for since September, I’ll be updating stuff twice or thrice a week.

But if you’re too lazy to look through the photos, at least look at this one followed by this one. That second photo kept me laughing for at least an hour. Thanks Clay =)

That’s it for now guys. Time for dinner before they close.

In an effort to keep busy for numerous reasons which will never make their way onto Shyzer, I’ve spent a bit of time lately working on Shy. Every member of the original cast received a major overhaul and I added a few people who were missing since I realized it was far too outdated in its previous form. The Aussie cast section was updated as well (mainly Rachael’s and Emma’s. The addition of RA Sarah was supposed to go up as well, but I seemed to have lost the damn bio I typed for her.) The pictures from Gender Bender have been uploaded as promised. I also uploaded ten new pictures to the first page of the Bad Taste Party gallery. And finally, I added a few pictures from Rubix Cube Night in the Other Functions Category. Anyway, if you’re bored and have some time, go check out all the changes.

I was looking for something in the archives this weekend when I found myself reading old entries I made instead of searching for whatever it was that I needed. You know what I realized? There’s some halfway decent stuff in there. I began reading about the Fall Break excursion that Fellner and I took in October ’03 and an hour or two later, I found that I had read everything I’d posted up until now. For the most part, I can’t stand my writing for I think it’s quite amateurish compared to my favorite blogs, much less my favorite authors. But while reading through my archives, I realized that I had forgotten well over half the stuff I had ever written and for the most part, I enjoyed reading the half-assed commentary I wrote. I honestly felt as if I was reading this stuff for the first time.

This delve back into Shyzer’s past got me thinking about other things I’d written and filed away to spend years deteriorating before ever seeing the light of day again. I used to debate on message boards under a few other names besides Goob and a quick Google cache search found me staring at old arguments I’d heatedly defended. Oh how times, fears, and cares change. Before I knew it, I had found an on-line folder I used to keep of all my old essays, articles, and debates. I found old e-mails, journal entries from when I used to save them to computers instead of printing them out every day like I do now, and countless other things that I’d written and completely forgotten about. As I feverously started copying and pasting thousands of words into a blank text document, furiously editing things as I went, memories began to come flooding back from my younger years. With each old event that I remembered, new memories seemed to spring forth with them and eventually entire chapters of my life that I had utterly looked past were brought back to life.

Who knows, I might just be able to turn some of this stuff into future Shyzer material, where it too will slowly make its way into Shyzer’s archive, thereby one day completing the circle when I sit down and start reading through the archives just like I did yesterday.

Sometimes it’s fun to take a journey back into our past, if not to simply see how far we’ve actually come. Or in some instances, how little progress we’ve made. But the other day made me realize that for as priceless as my journal is to me, as valuable as having an entry for each and every day of my life for the past 9 years is, I can’t rely solely on it to. Sometimes the best ways of remembering something in the future is to just sit down in the middle of the day and write whatever comes to mind.

Kinda like how I do here with Shyzer. Trust me, you’ll thank yourself down the road.

remember us when you post on Shyzer from time to time. we all feel so neglected. – Fellner

Well here’s your shout out Fellner. Fear not, for I have looked and looked for a Replacement Fellner, but I simply couldn’t find anyone over here as cool as you. Or who would let me call them a whore all the time.

Thanks to all those who commented on the entry below. I’ve already started typing the next edition, which should be up early next week.

I can’t believe that it’s already April. Before I know it, I’m going to be forced to leave this wonderful country and that is simply unacceptable. Anyway, after next week, Uni lets out for a two week break and if all goes according to plan, a few of us International students are going to hop on a train and start traveling around. Most of the Americans here are doing the normal touristy stuff, but we figure that since we’re over here to live, why not go and see how other Aussie people live? So in an attempt to do just that, we’re gonna try and hit up a few of the everyday, normal hometowns of some of our mates. Screw Cannes, Sydney, and Melbourne. Give us Dubbo, Nambla, and COFFS HARBOR (BECAUSE LIKE OMG IT’S THE BEST) any day of the week.

Two nights ago at dinner, Casey out of the blue mentioned that he liked the Shyzer Shuffle. After getting rid of the “oh dead God, kill me now” thought that I initially had, I asked if anybody else had seen it. 15 minutes later we were in Keeley’s room watching and laughing over the “dance” and the seizure given to our poor dog. By the end of the night, I’d given a few live performances and taught Karen the correct way to do it as well.

[web master / nerd talk]
I’ve grown extremely tired with the current layout I have up. I’ve already begun looking at a few other sites whose layouts I want to mimic somewhat. I’ve also gotten the inkling to upgrade from MovableType to WordPress and start using php instead of the shtml that I’ve got running now. The only problem is that I know absolutely nothing when it comes to php and I’ve already tried teaching myself once before. But now that I’m about to have Internet in my room, I think I’ll give it another serious go.
[/web master / nerd talk]

I received an e-mail yesterday from the Uni’s baseball team containing the rosters for this years teams. I only attending one practice (back in late February) and I was extremely hung-over seeing as how it was a Sunday morning. I played like shit, saw that it was going to cost me $300 to play just for three months, and decided that I wasn’t going to pay $100 a month for baseball. Well, apparently my hung-over, one-attendance practice was enough to place me on the 2nd grade team. (The grades go 1-6, with 1 being the highest.) I say this not to try and brag, since there is no way I should be on the 2nd grade team, but to show how few Aussie’s actually play the sport of baseball over here! It’s depressing actually. Thankfully, I’ve got opening day to look forward to. Looks like the ESPN channel over here is carrying the Red Sox-Yankees game at 1000, which you can be assured I will be up and watching.

And finally, tomorrow night is a night I’ve been looking forward to a bit too much. Gender Bender, where the guys dress as girls and vice versa. Needless to say, I can’t wait to see and upload any and all pictures that are taken. I’ve already lined up a purple dress with white polka dots to wear and a few of the girls on my corridor can’t wait to apply my makeup.

Yeah, I’m looking forward to this just a bit too much…