Shyzer.com

I’ll be honest. I’ve quite enjoyed the spike of traffic Shyzer has experienced lately. So in an attempt to further boast my daily hit count, I’ve decided to perform an all out search engine-whore and write certain phrases that will guarantee me thousands, no, millions of hits! But this won’t only be a hit whoring affair! It’s a well known fact that we here at Kramerica Shyzer Incorporated take public service very seriously, which is why in addition to posting the certain phrases, I am going to explain why they will bring in so many hits. Also, I refuse to travel the easy route and run off a list of items like Paris Hilton, Britney Spears, Patriot-Eagle Super Bowl, Slutty Virgins, Blog, Sex, Seex, Sexx, Blog Clicker, Blog Explosion, The Daily Show clips, Family Guy, fun sleep pics, mercedes terrell video, etc I just won’t stoop that low. So without further A DEW….

Mark Kotsay’s Wife - Big Foot. The Lock Ness Monster. The Phantom of the Opera. Iraq’s weapons of mass destruction. Jessica Simpson’s high IQ. None of these are more mysterious or cloaked then the infamous wife of Mark Kotsay. It’s a well-known fact that men who play professional sports tend to have smoking hot wives. It’s a lesser-known fact that Mark Kotsay has the hottest wife of them all. Except there’s a small problem. There ceases to be a single picture of her on the Internet. You see, for every team Mark Kotsay has played for, his wife has joined the team’s corresponding player’s wives association. They do small public services for the community and basically are used as a public relations tool by the team. Now most teams have jumbotrons or huge televisions or something along those lines in their stadiums. At random times during random games, most teams like to tout that they too have a soft and caring side for the community, so they run announcements for some of the public services they offer, which is where Mark Kotsay’s Wife comes in. For every team that Kotsay has played for, his wife has not only joined the association, but has been the main spokeswoman for their jumbotron commercials. Over time, more and more people have had a chance to see Mrs. Kotsay’s commercial and there’s a general consensus among all those who saw her; she is the most gorgeous woman they have ever seen. Message boards have thousand-page threads dedicated solely to her. Websites are repeatedly spammed in search of a single picture of her. She has become a living legend amongst baseball fans and those who have reportedly caught a glimpse of her swear by their lives that she is easily the most breathtaking female they have ever laid eyes on.

And no, this is not her, so don’t be fooled. Although Kris Benson’s wife has a wonderful site, she’s a bit too much on the slutty side for me.

Songmeanings - The most popular song lyrics site on the net always seems to be shut down for months at a time, which leads to thousands of people searching for a reason as to why. So to anybody who has come looking for an explanation, you won’t find one here, so why don’t you just stick around and read up on the site? But seriously, why does the best lyrics site on the net always go down? I want to frackin’ know. (Note to Andy. Bet you liked that Battlestar Galactica reference there. I swear, I’m not obsessive!)

Psycho Girl Video - Yes I have it. No I’m not putting it up on Shyzer. Let’s just say this girl had a crush on a guy and went a little too far in her attempts to seduce him. Instead, she became a psycho. Big time.

Joe Theismann video - Angela mentioned that she got a few hundred hits in one day from people searching for this, so I figured I’d just throw it out there as well =) Can’t hurt!

Vida Guerra - Hell if I know with this one. I was told by a friend that he gets a few thousand hits a month from this chick, so I figured it couldn’t hurt. I’d never heard of her, but she’s not that hot.

Elin Grindemyr - Easily the hottest chick that nobody has ever heard of. Well, I take that back. If you’re on the computer any and surf message boards from time to time, you’ve more than likely come across her. She’s a Swedish girl who was spotted by their version of Maxim in one of those “Hotties Next Door” contests. She shot a photo shoot, but the editors decided to cut her out of the magazine and that was that. Until, that is, an employee leaked the pictures located in Galleries One, Two, and Three found here. Suddenly she skyrocketed to celebrity status throughout Sweden and quickly throughout Europe. Most people here in America have never heard of her, but trust me, you will one day very soon.

Okay, I’m extremely bored with this now. I’m off to bed.