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This entire semester has been quite normal for me, school wise. I took, for me, an average schedule full of History and Criminal Justice classes. Nothing really out of the ordinary. But I always seem to have an abnormally high workload due to the electives I have chosen over the years and this semester was no different. I’m not one to take those Intro to Bowling or Beginners Finger Painting classes. Call me crazy, but when I’m forking over $25,000 of my own hard earned cash, I want to get something of substance in return. Therefore, my elective classes have always tended to be a little challenging and stimulating and this semester was no different as I was enrolled in Introductory Latin. However, this semester tended to be a little busier than I would have preferred due to my Senior Thesis class and whatnot, which did not bode well for my Latin class. Every other week it seemed like I was being forced to decide which came first in the studying hierarchy, Latin or any of my other classes. Since I technically didn’t need Latin and all my other classes were required for my major, you can guess which ones received priority.

Some people have asked me how I don’t fret and worry over my grades and it’s quite simple. Beyond studying, there’s nothing I can do. There’s no reason to pretend any test is life and death and if you studied the material, you should feel confident. Even if you feel like you bombed the test as you walked out of the class, why worry? Is ruining your night over worrying about a test you’ve already taken going to help your grade any? I think not. Yet sometimes there are times when I do grow nervous as I’m handed a test and so a few years ago I started doing what I do throughout the rest of my life whenever things get rough. I made myself laugh and forced myself to have fun with the tests. (Just ask Fellner what I did / wrote about during our Psychology AP exam. The story gets even funnier when you learn of the grade I received.) I started writing jokes or drawing funny pictures in the margins and this, therefore, always made the teachers get to know me and remember me a little quicker. They felt more comfortable calling on and joking around with me, often leading me to be mislabeled as a Teacher’s Pet. And Latin was no different.

As the semester grew older, the tests grew harder, and my study time for the class diminished, I found myself knowing fewer and fewer answers. But I hate leaving a question blank. Hate it. Despise it. Refuse to do it. I’ll answer “Um….Penis” before I leave a question blank. And so, whenever a question was given to me in Latin that I had absolutely no idea what the answer was, I would respond with “Dorkus Malorkus,” which is a quote from Simpsons. By quiz 8, my teacher was writing in the margins “what in the heck does this mean?!” and “for the love of God, NOOOOOOOO! THIS ISN’T A REAL LATIN PHRASE!!” I found it hilarious and I knew that she did too, even if she wouldn’t admit it. In fact, even though she felt at ease with me throughout the entire semester, she never once cracked a joke back at me. She always laughed when I or someone else did, but her response to them all were always just a smile and slight shake of the head before moving onto the next problem.

As my class and I were preparing to take the final today, I commissioned a Goob Poll and asked if there was anybody else in the class taking it simply as an elective. Not a one. So, when our teacher walked in the door and asked if there were any questions, I raised my hand. As a smile spread across her face and her eyes rolled, she called on me knowing damn well that I had never asked a serious question throughout the entire semester and that I wasn’t about to start now. I proceeded to lay out what I felt was a strong case for the curving by 50 points for all students who took Latin as an elective. Shouldn’t she help encourage students to take advantage of college and stimulate their minds?! Wouldn’t it be a kind gesture on her part if she could just curve my final average?!

She laughed and nodded as I went on until I finally reached my closing arguments. As I sat there awaiting her response, wondering how she was going to play off my question, she looked me square in the eye and said, “Ryan, you are a true Dorkus Malorkus.”

I don’t think I’ve ever smiled throughout an entire exam like I did today.

Here’s a post, compliments of Stan. The bastard Tooled me.

It’s a little funnier if you read the thread where he got the idea from.

Anyway, I’m in the process of studying for my Latin exam tomorrow. Wish me luck.

I really don’t know anything ready to talk about, but in an effort to show that I am indeed sincere about posting often, I’m forcing myself to sit and write for a timed period, kinda like an in-class essay. Let’s see what this leads to…

Life right now, honestly, is as close to perfect as it’s been in a long time. There is one key component missing that I’ve been reminded of many times over this past week, especially at dinner the other night, but overall things are going great. And it’s not just the big stuff (such as, say, a major thesis!), but it’s as if even the small, insignificant things have been falling my way lately. I guess I’m finally cashing in on some of that good karma I’ve been saving up lately. Hell, even the future looks amazingly bright. I got to see my family and friends over Thanksgiving break and am about to see them all over again later this month. By this time next week, I’ll be finished with school for two months. In a little over three weeks, I’ll be snowmobiling in the mountains around Lake Tahoe and January has nothing in store for me but relaxing and trying to get all my old high school friends together one last time before I…..well, I’m saving that for another post =)

And to top that all off, Shyzer’s daily readership is at an all-time high. Have I mentioned lately how much y’all kick ass? Because you really do.

I’ve been e-mailing a lot of people lately, especially people I haven’t talked to in months or years. Y’know, sort of in an attempt to see where they all ended up and what all they’re doing now. It just kind of came to me after surfing Facebook a few days ago and seeing so many people from my past. (Yes, I joined over a month ago and am totally addicted. My favorite feature? “Poking” all the hot girls I see. =) So I just started e-mailing not only people I saw on there, but other people as well. Old teachers, old professors, old neighbors. I tracked down one of my old professors and waited outside his classroom the other day simply to see how he was doing and let him know how much of an impact he had on me. I’ve already made plans to have lunch or dinner in the near future with a handful of old friends I haven’t seen in years. It didn’t dawn on me until just the other day why I was doing it all. I just want to make sure we all have a proper goodbye. I hate that unresolved feeling I have with some people, that feeling of “do they really how I feel about them?” I just want to make sure that everybody in my past who I’ve drifted away from knows they had an impact on me. And I guess this is just the best time to make sure they know, before they all scatter out even more than they have and before I…well, I promised I’d save that for another post.

Okay, my time is up. So now do you see why it takes me a long time to write posts for Shyzer? When I try to throw something together in an hour or two, this is what I get. When I take a few more hours to polish it and then sleep on it and polish it some more, I actually get something decent. Fellner, you have no idea how much I envy your speed writing abilities.

And with that, I’m off to finish a new subsection for Shyzer. Look for it over there on the left hand side of the site by the end of tonight!

That’s right folks. Look at that cam picture over there. Print it. Admire it. Question how such a miracle could occur. I know I sure as hell have since this afternoon. That, my friends, is my Senior Thesis. Here, let me recreate the scene from earlier this afternoon as my professor handed back the papers.

Goob: Look, Professor Gregg, I just want to apologize for the poor quality of my paper, especially near the end. I simply ran out of time editing it! You yourself saw me run into class 30 minutes late since I was trying to edit as much as humanly possible and I just want…
The Best Grader Ever: Uh, Mr. Shyzer, what are you talking about? You received the highest grade in the class.
Goob: If you’d be willing to just let me…wait, what?
Goob grabs the paper and takes a look at it
Goob: I…I…I MADE AN A!?!?! AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! YEEEEEEEES!!!! DAMN, I LOVE THIS SHIT AND I MAY MOVE TO ENGLAND, AHHHHHHHHHHHH!

I think I may have dry humped the pencil sharpener on my way out, but honestly my memory is a little hazy around that time period. I remember sprinting back to my apartment, literally high-fiving random strangers as I went. The janitor wearing a Christmas Santa Hat on her head yelled something to me as I hugged her, but I didn’t quite catch it.

An A. Holy Damn… I have no idea how I pulled this off. None. I’m about to go punch holes into the corners and hang it around my neck for the rest of this week. And you think I’m kidding. Man, sometimes, it’s nice being smart. I’ll be honest, I try to be a modest person. I’ve yet to bring up the A with anybody on my own. But the minute somebody’s asked me how it turned out, I’ve let go.

I guess I’m just proud of myself.

Anyways, I want to alert everybody to a new site that just opened up last night. In case you haven’t heard, my good buddy Neal has opened up a site over at Nealsmack. He brought it back from the dead last night and the forums are already bustling with activity. He apparently had the site a few years ago, but it died due to complications even the doctors couldn’t foresee. But now it’s back and so, you need to go check it out. Now.

And hey, while you’re at it, GO AND VOTE in the final round of the Best of Shyzer. Voting will probably be closed after this week, and therefore, you only have a few days left. Seriously, it takes a maximum of 60 seconds to vote. So none of you have excuses not to. Especially those of you I know in real life and who will be bitched out by me personally if you fail to vote =) And just in case anybody need a memory refresher on what the heck I’m talking about, you can read all about it in this previous post of mine.

And yet onto another random topic. Everybody do me a second favor. See the Tagboard? Look beneath it. See the Radio Blog? Good. Click on a song and tell me if it plays. I’ve got it playing on my computer, but I want to make sure it works on everybody else’s. And yes, this is kind of important, because it’s going to come into play here very soon on Shyzer. I’ve currently uploaded seven songs that I’ve been playing over and over for the past few days. My two favorites easily are Perfect To Stay and Since U Been Gone. I’m not really a Kelly Clarkson fan other than the fact that she’s hot, but for some reason, I love her voice when she screams. And she does quite a bit of screaming in her new song, meaning therefore I love her new song. The chorus is pretty damn good too. As far as the Collective Soul songs go, well, everybody knows they are one of my all-time favorite bands. They released a brand new CD a week or so ago and those are the best songs off it. I think Perfect To Stay is the best of them all, but my brother thinks Satellite is. Anybody care to set us straight and help us decide? =)

And while we’re on the topic of Shyzer, how about a mini-update? The achieve is a mess right now due to some of the new MovableType code that I don’t understand. One day it looks completely wrong, then the next it magically fixes itself, only to reverse the following day. I hope to fix that sometime this week. The gallery is down as well and I have no idea why. I actually have a ton of new pictures I took over Thanksgiving to upload, so that has suddenly jumped to the top of my List of Things to Fix. Shlyrics (a new subpage) is coming along nicely, as is a bunch of the half-completed posts I talked about earlier. Hell, don’t look now, but ever since November rolled around, I’ve been making a good 5 posts a week or so. This is a trend I plan to maintain.

But for this week, I’m floating on cloud nine. That A on my thesis was an unbelievable way to start the week. The Packers won tonight, tomorrow is Pizza Night, Wednesday is all new Lost and West Wing, Thursday my apartment will host the second Swagger Party of the semester, and Friday…well, I can’t think too far ahead. Honestly, life couldn’t be treating me any better right now. And that’s without even considering the fact that I only have a week and a half left of school before I get two months of vacation and a trip to Australia.

As Fellner says, “It’s Good to be Goob.”

If so, then I would suggest you move along and skip this post. This is by no means “politically correct.” You’ve been warned.

This game caught my attention the other day over on CNN.com. It took me a few minutes to shake off the pure disgust I had for the creators of the game, but at the same time, my mind started to wander. I immediately thought of some other horrible “games” that they might come up with. The few titles that had sprung to mind were so wrong, but at the same time, so unbelievably funny. So, I have decided to offer my services to this company and give them a few suggestions for future games.

Remember, I warned you. =)

• Xtreme Arafat! - You sit in bed and die slowly!
• O.J. Simpson’s Wife Hunt - Hopefully you’re black! Otherwise, it’s guilty for you!
• Princess Di’s Twisted Metal IV - Now with paparazzi!
• Sonny Bono’s Downhill Skiing Challenge - Watch out for the trees!
• Christopher Reeve’s Equestrian Extravaganza - You’re Superman! What could go wrong?!
• Mark Maples Disneyland Adventure - It’s a small world after all.
• Chris Farley & John Belushi’s Virtual Pharmacy - Last Customer Served: River Phoenix.
• Bill and Monica Play Hide & Find the Cigar - A child’s game has never been this much fun!
• Alexander Hamilton’s Dueling Glove - Never insult his honor!

And with any great video game industry, they have to come out with a sports line!

• Dale Earnhardt’s Need For Speed - Watch out for that oil slick!
• Pete Rose’s Online Casino - But remember, never bet on your own team!
• Ted Williams’ Home Popsicle Maker - For those who love a good sibling rivalry.
• Ron Artest’s Punch-Out - We love updating old classics!

But it doesn’t just stop there! They could come out with a whole line of books, making perfect gifts for that hard-to-buy, avid reader in your family!

• Abraham Lincoln’s critic of Our American Cousin - So, how’d that play turn out?
• Amelia Earhart’s Pacific Travel Guide - Want to know the best way to cross the Pacific?
• Phil Hartman’s Guide to a Successful Marriage - Just in case counseling doesn’t work.
• Adolf Hitler’s Top Ten Honeymoon Spots - First, grab some cyanide and a handgun….
• Ken Caminiti’s Workout Routine - Comes with a free sample of “muscle builder”!
• Kurt Cobain’s Guide to Happiness - I’ve seriously got to stop myself.

And finally, the one game that will eventually put this company out of business due to the public outrage sparked by its release:

• 9/11 - The Flight Simulator!

So, so, so, so wrong, yet so fun to write. =)

[EDIT]Here’s a few more that a fellow Shyzerian came up. Let’s all thank Shipman![/EDIT]

• Ted Kennedy’s X-treme Bridge Jumping: Chappaquiddick.
• Jim Jones’ Virtual Kool-Aid Stand.
• Koresh vs Reno: Armageddon in Waco.

I received 7 IMs tonight yelling at me for not uploading a post tonight like I promised. Give me time folks! These babies take me a few hours to draft and in case you haven’t been keeping count (trust me, I have!), I make about 4 posts a week here, which translates into 12 hours a week I put into Shyzer posts alone! Factor in all the maintenance work, upgrades, diplomatic missions, and side pages I work on each week and we’re talking 20 hours a week. Minimum. And I’ve been running for two plus years at that pace.

So until that money starts rolling in, you’ll just have to wait until I’m damn ready to post! =) And besides, the night is still young. I promise, the new post will be up before I go to bed and tomorrow, yet another one will be up!

Sorry for the lack of posts recently. I went home for Thanksgiving break and never really got on the computer =) I’ll be heading back to Columbia tomorrow though, so I’ll polish off something and stick it up here on Shyzer sometime tomorrow night. Until then…

That’s right, it’s finally over. I just walked in the door after turning in the final draft of my senior thesis and all I can think of is “I just needed one more hour with the damn thing. ONE MORE HOUR!” The paper was due at 2:30 and by 3:00, I was only editing page 13. I know for a fact that there are some errors on pages 14-25, but frankly, there was nothing more I could do. I was already tempting fate as it was and that’s something you never willingly do.

If my teacher came up to me right now and said, “Goob, I won’t even read your paper if you agree to take a B-,” I’d shake his hand in a heartbeat. Anything below that and, well, I guess I’d just roll the dice and tell him to read it. C’s don’t please me. I’ve never been average.

However, right now, I am going to crawl into bed and take what might be the most deserving nap in the history of man kind. I’ve been up for 30 straight hours and since Thursday, I’ve amassed a total of 15 hours of sleep.

Okay, my bed just called my name. Literally. When I wake up around midnight or so, I plan on spending all night typing posts, responding to comments, and just working on Shyzer. Until then….

During hour seven of working on my thesis today, I turned on one of my favorite radio stations broadcast over WinAmp for some background music. Some time later, I heard a country song by Deana Carter and found myself subconsciously tapping my foot and nodding along with the lyrics. I then proceeded to consciously search out, download, and listen to the song again. A few hours later I even uploaded it to my iPod.

I downloaded a country song. On my own free will. And it’s still on my computer and iPod.

Wow, this thesis really is starting to play mind games with me.

First, let’s take care of the important things. Everybody needs to head on over to Stan’s site and listen to his latest song, Pray for Rain. So why don’t you all go ahead and do that now before reading the rest of this post. Go on now, don’t be shy.

I’m serious.

GO!!

And while we’re at it, if you haven’t done so already, you need to go vote in the final round of the Best of Shyzer. To those who have voted already, Thank You! To those who haven’t, may you rot in hell. Wouldn’t you rather receive a thank you? Then go vote!

Okay, now that we have those taken care of, I can get on to the pointless crap I was going to talk about in the first place. If you take a look at the post below, you will see there’s a total of 11 comments. ELEVEN! That, my friends, kicks some serious ass. Way to go on the commenting and keep it up! I also wanted to thank everybody who mentioned to me both on-line and off-line that they enjoyed the post. I know I say this every time, but I truly love receiving feedback on the stuff I write here. It gives me motivation to stay with it.

Although, some of you may be saying to yourselves, “if feedback gives you so much motivation and you received tons of feedback on the last post, where in the hell was your motivation to post during this past week?!” Well, that’s an excellent question and the answer lies in one simple phrase. Writing a senior thesis blows. It’s just that simple! I’m coming down the homestretch here and I officially have 72 hours left until my final draft is due. Which means, during the day I spend my time going to class and working while at night I am forced to replace my usual “Shyzer” time with a new set called “Oh my God, I have no fucking idea how in the world I am going to finish this thing by Monday” time. And somehow, that time is even worse than the name sounds. So yeah, I’ll be spending my entire weekend living in the basement of the library. Come Monday, you’ll probably be able to find me by coming on down and closely listening for the sway of my body since I’ll probably hang myself around Sunday evening.

I do promise, however, to make at minimum one post during Saturday / Sunday. Possibly two, but I won’t push it. I finally put all the word documents I had that contained partial posts into one folder and counted them up. Twenty-seven. TWENTY-SEVEN! Some of them were so outdated that I had to just toss them in the recycle bin, but I was able to salvage a few of them since they were non-time sensitive posts. But Jesus, 27…I’ve made a promise to myself to finish them all before I head to Australia (which, as you guessed it, is one of the 27).

And I just realized something. This post is the type of post I abhor and loathe the absolute most. There was not a single piece of real substance in the entire thing and I basically just wasted a few minutes of everybody’s time by making them listen to my whining. Sorry about that folks. I promise this weekend’s post will something worthwhile.