That, my friends, is the official graphical representation of the Minnesota Fun Meter. If you don’t get it, don’t fret. Tommy knows what I’m talking about =)
We awake bright and early at the crack of 4:15 AM to catch our oh-so-early flight on Wednesday morning. Tommy and I sluggishly took our showers and threw our bags into the car and made our way to the airport. When we arrived at the check-in counter, something strange and truly creepy happened. We were given tickets. Right there. On the spot. For ALL of our flights. Let me break this down for those of you who don’t know me. I fly many times a year, but always on stand-bye. I have always taken full advantage of the free flights at my disposal, but with it comes the inherent risk of possibly not making the flight due to no empty seats. But not this time. We had tickets bought with frequent flyer miles my friend. It marked the first time in my life where I had my own ticket in advance. I honestly wanted to cry.
We got to D.C. and took the cattle train transportation vehicle over to the opposite side of the airport. Tommy and I decided we would try to cram onto the vehicle that was just leaving. The only problem was so did the next 25 people behind us. Tommy and I were literally laughing out loud as people were trying to cram their way past us. Our laughter soon spread as people told us we had too much energy for 7AM. That only made us laugh harder.
I now realize it was one of those “You had to be there” moments. Sorry for the inconvenience.
We rolled into Minneapolis around noon-ish and were whisked away by our Uncle Mike and our 14-month old Cousin Sam. Slight problem. Sam hated us. I personally think it was due to the fact that we looked like man-eating giants to him and he was just scared we were going to harm him. Our attempts to play with him didn’t calm his nerves, that’s for sure. We made one quick pit stop on our way home to purchase a toy that Uncle Mike severely wanted.
The Banana Boat
Words can’t explain to you how poorly this watercraft worked. At least, how poorly this watercraft worked when being pulled at speeds over 40 MPH. You see, Uncle Mike had also just purchased a new little toy in the form of a jet ski. A jet ski that traveled exceptionally fast. My pleas over the warning on the Banana Boat saying not to exceed 15 MPH seemed to fall on deaf ears, because the minute Tommy and I were in the water…well, we were flipped over into the water. We got back up, fell back down. Got back up, fell back down. It was kinda funny. The first 30 times.
We finally called it quits after we were thrown into the water for the 90th time going 40 MPH. Mike just COULD NOT go slow and found it hilarious when he would turn around and spot us bobbing up and down a hundred yards behind. He went back up to the house and Tommy and I jumped on the jet ski to cruise around the bay. I had forgotten how fun those things could be. We sped around checking out as many girls as we could find and finally had to come back to port due to no more go juice…I mean gas. Once we got back to the house, Mike gave Tommy $10 and told him to go play the slots. Turned out Mike had bought a Vegas slot machine and put it in game room. We quickly learned that Tommy is a compulsive gambler. He went from $10 to $5 to $60. He refused to stop while he was ahead. He is now broke. Idiot.
Thursday arrived bright and early as we were woken up by some form of torture from Mike. We had to get out of bed and head into Minneapolis again so that we could go to the White Sox-Twins game. The game was pretty good. For the first inning. The final score was 2-1 with all 3 runs being scored in the first inning alone. The rest of the game wasn’t even a pitcher’s duel. It was just a boring game. But I got to knock off one more stadium I’ve been to, bringing my grand total up to: I don’t feel like counting them!
The rest of the day was spent down on the lake. We even took his Ungodly huge yacht that is only beaten in size by possibly 20 out of 5,000 boats on the lake boat out for a spin. Nothing beats riding on the front of his boat, relaxing in the sun, and making all the little boats crash through our wake and almost capsize. Ahhh, good times.
And how could I forget! We bought another toy to pull behind the jet ski on Thursday. The Wake Warrior. Now don’t let the name mislead you. While its official name is The Wake Warrior, a more proper name would be The Death Tube. Why this name you might ask? I’m glad you did. You see, with the Banana Boat, you couldn’t go that fast, which is good, because Mike has a tendency to try and kill people for fun. Call it his hobby. The Wake Warrior, however, does not flip easily, which allows it to be pulled at speed exceeding 50 MPH. This, my friends, is equivalent to Death. Mike would floor the jet ski and sling the tube around behind it in a 180 degree turn. The force of the tube carried its speed well over 60 MPH and meanwhile, the occupants are forced to grip on for dear life because it feels as if it is about to fall apart.
Before I go any further, allow myself this I’m Not A Pussy disclaimer. I’ve been tubing before. Tubing is fun. A tube made to be pulled behind a boat and jump wakes is sturdy. It’s rugged and anybody with enough muscle to control their own weight can manhandle it enough to enjoy themselves. The Wake Warrior is honestly a pool toy. The plastic literally felt as if it was being ripped apart and you honestly had to just hold on for dead life since you had absolutely NO control over it. Tubing with a real tube behind a boat is fun. Wake Warrioring behind a super powered jet ski with Uncle Mike at the helm is a recipe for suicide.
Thursday night provided some comical relief as Mike, Tommy, and myself took the boat out for a little midnight spin. We parked the boat out in the middle of nowhere and just chilled for a while. Out of nowhere Mike pulls out some bottle rockets and Tommy starts begging to shoot them off. After a small debate, it was settled. Tommy could shoot them off only if he was in the water. Three minutes later, Tommy has on a size small generic orange Coast Guard life vest that wouldn’t fit a 5 year old, much less Tommy. I have photos, but Mike has to send me them. I literally haven’t laughed so hard at the sight of Tommy floating in the water, holding onto a rope so he doesn’t float away, shooting bottle rockets. Maybe this was another “You had to be there” moments, but trust me, the minute you see the pictures, you will laugh.
Once Friday rolled around, Mike and myself drove into Wisconsin to purchase some…slightly illegal fireworks. You see, Minnesota has some law banning any fireworks that are cool. Therefore, the historic adventure to Wisconsin was in order since they sell the cool fireworks. Now I’ve bought mortar fireworks down here in South Carolina before. But I’ve never bought anything like the ones we did. These babies were TRUE fireworks. I’ve Googled the hell out of it and can’t find any pictures that are even close to the mortars we had. They were dangerously close to the professional ones and frankly, Tommy and I couldn’t have had more fun with them. But that’s for another paragraph.
The rest of Friday was spent…you guessed it, on the lake! In fact, I pulled some of the best stunts of the trip on Friday when I followed Tommy and Mike behind the boat on the jet ski jumping their wake. Tommy attempted to jump them first and pussed out each time he was about to launch over them. Knowing full well that Mike would make fun of me if I did the same, I was forced to play balls to the wall and just gun it over the wakes. Lord did I get some air. I also ate the handlebars once or twice, but I try not to focus on those jumps as much. We also manage to play with Sam some. He finally got used to us and we spent a little while goofing off with him and doing silly faces and noises and he just ate it up. Aunt Michele busted out the camcorder and tried to fool us with the old “It’s off! Seriously! That red light?! Uh, it’s the off light!” routine, but we were onto her =)
Saturday it rained. Thank God. Because I don’t think I could have taken another day of Mike pounding the shit out of us. I practically killed myself jumping those wakes and frankly, I needed the rest. It was also on Saturday that I made a startling discovery. I’m not 15 anymore. Tommy wasn’t sore, had no fears, and was rearing for more. I, on the other hand, was guzzling the Advil and swearing we were about to die every 5 minutes. Since when did I get old?! Since when did I fear death? I missed the memo on that one.
Sunday rolled around, which meant Tommy and I were in heaven. We finally were going to be able to mass launch our 50 mortar shells, as well as the bottle rockets, whistlers, exploders, loudeners, and everything else we had. There was some parade I was forced to be a part of, but I refuse to even admit I ever partook in said parade. So that is all you will ever hear on that subject. We managed to shoot off every mortar and bottle rocket by night’s end, despite all the neighbor’s pleas to shut up and to not burn their yard down, etc. The night was capped off by a firework show on the lake. The city rented out a huge barge and put this long display of fireworks for all to see. One of the cooler sights was all the lights from the 8,000 or so boats on the lake. No joke, the official estimate was somewhere around 8,000. It was quite a sight.
I honestly had no desire to leave. Vacationing in Minnesota, on a gorgeous lake, with family and friends was just what I needed. Yet on Monday, our time was up, so Tommy and I packed our bags and quietly slipped out of the house in the wee hours of the morning. We didn’t get to say our good-byes since everybody was still sleeping, but we honestly could not have had a better time up in Minnesota and I couldn’t be more appreciative of everything Mike and Michele did for us. Thanks again you guys. =)
I know I left out a few things, but truthfully, I’m exhausted now. I had some wonderful conversations with my Uncle, confirmed the identity to Mojo, was paid a huge compliment on my writing abilities, ignored the stories about the cardboard and Cruiser’s Cove (which might have been the best spot on the lake =), and so many other things that I simply don’t have time to explain. I do, however, have quite a few new posts already typed up since I had not a thing to do tonight. I’m gonna be pretty busy this weekend, so the new layout probably won’t be put up, but expect the posts to keep rolling. Until then….
