Shyzer.com

When I moved back home for the summer, one can imagine how much shit I brought back with me from Columbia. Everything I owned down there had to be crammed into my truck and ferried back while stuffed in half-closed boxes, Wal-Mart bags, or those clear plastic bags you get from the dry cleaners. It was late when I pulled into the driveway, so naturally I just dumped it all into the garage and haven’t thought much about it sense.

Yet of course, I took the time to ghetto rig my computer on an old coffee table stand found in the attic that is just too high to reach if sitting on the floor, but far too low if sitting in a chair. I dug out my Dad’s router, found the bag that contained all my Ethernet cords, and had a nice little network flowing within an hour. And everything was fine as my Dad’s computer and Mine sat side-by-side, in harmony, working peacefully.

Until Friday night that is. Sensing that everything was just a little too calm and peaceful, My Computer and The Internet met together in some street corner cafe in the Middle East and had the following meeting.

Computer: Let’s screw with Goob. I’m sick and tired of him neglecting my needs and refusing to upgrade me. I want to really piss him off.
Internet: I could fill his computer up with Farm Animal and Black Midget Porn?
Computer: Hey now buddy, that’s MY hard drive we’re talking about here. I don’t want none of that shit on here. I just want to drive him to the point where jamming an ice pick in his left eye socket sounds more appealing then using me.
Internet: I got it! I’ll just cut off his supply of Me!
Computer: No, no no! I’ve got an even better plan! Just make it go really slooooooow while at the same time allowing his Dad’s computer to go really fast! He’ll have no fucking idea what’s wrong!
Internet: You’re brilliant my friend. Is there anything else I can help you with today?
Computer: Well…about that Midget Porn…

(Note: Exaggeration and embellishments may have occurred)

Seriously, my computer just decided to make my Internet connection slow to a crawl while my Dad’s computer (sitting RIGHT fucking next to mine, plugged into the same router) goes at normal, lightning fast speed. I’ve scanned for any spyware or viruses that may have gotten onto my computer, but haven’t found a thing. I’m actually about to reformat my computer since it really needs it and *hopefully* this will solve the problem, but who the fuck knows.

If anybody has any ideas as to what is going on here, I’m all ears. Just don’t expect me to be able to respond soon. It takes a grand total of 200 seconds to load this freaking site.