Shyzer.com

Guess who’s got exceptionally ugly, highly overpriced, officially licensed Shyzer items for sale?! That’s right. Now you too can own your very own Shyzer hooded sweatshirt, Shyzer mousepad, or even a Shyzer BBQ apron. And what says I love you better then a pair of thongs with Shyzer stamped across the crotch? Just think, the very last thought you could have before jumping into the sack with the Misses could be of this shitty site. And they say I’m not a Romantic.

Granted, $7.99 might be a little pricey for a piece of cotton that will be used to collect dribbles of Gerber, especially when you could spend that on a few rolls of paper towels that would last much longer, but I ask you this. Does Brawny guarantee that it not only will keep your child clean, but will then take him out back and entertain him for hours at a time while you kick back with a cold one? I didn’t think so. And while you’re at it, why not sip that cold one out of a Shyzer stein? As you can see, the possibilities are endless.

Sure, I only make like 2 bucks on anything purchased from my “store,” but I’m only 8 purchases away from earning enough money to buy that Shyzer Tote Bag I so desperately want.