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A friend of a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend (literally, it was 5 people away) had relayed some information to me that I now wish I had believed. Supposedly, The Daily Show, easily my favorite show, was looking to do a piece down here in South Carolina that spoofed the Democratic Primary and the Civil War. They wanted to find two brothers who were voting two different ways and relate that to the brothers who fought against each other during the War. Yet, since this information was coming from 5 people off and I really had no idea as to its validity, I didn’t really give it much thought.

Until today.

I awoke to a voice message on my cell phone from Fellner screaming for me to call him back as soon as I could. Just as I called him, he came in the door and ran in here to tell me about what I had just missed. First off, our campus is huge. I can’t recall how many times TV shows or famous people have been here and held rallies or parties or speeches and I had no idea. They could all be going on at the same time and honestly, I could be on campus the entire day and still never see / hear about it since it would be pure luck that my classes were anywhere near them. I spend basically all my time in the Criminal Justice and the History buildings. 90% of my classes are in one of those two buildings and when I have any free time in between class, I usually spend it on the 2nd floor of Gambrell, which is the History building. This all may seem trivial at the moment, but bear with me here.

So Fellner walks in my room, sits down, looks me squarely in the eye, and says “You know, I’m about 99.9% sure that I saw Steven Colbert on campus today.” I was floored. Steven Colbert, THE Steven Colbert, on OUR campus. How in the world did we get him to come down here?! More importantly, what could we do to bring him back so I could go up to him and ramble for 30 minutes like a little schoolgirl about how much I love him? After going crazy over the thought that I had missed a chance to talk to Steven Colbert, I reminded myself that Fellner and I had far different majors and therefore he was probably in a different building then I would have been in. I mean, really, what would the odds have been that I would have actually seen him? Yet I forgot one little detail. Fellner is a History minor.

That’s when Fellner said, “Yeah, I was sitting up on the 2nd floor in Gambrell and there was not a single person around except for me. I just happened to look up and here comes this guy walking out of the History Department that looked JUST LIKE Colbert.”

I was speechless. I had no speech. I screamed at Fellner asking him what time this had occurred and he told me around 4 PM, a time in which I would have easily been there, sitting on the 2nd floor, staring, drooling, and gasping for breath at Steven Colbert. If only I had had classes today. I cursed myself for setting up my schedule the way I did, vowing never again to go a single day without spending all my time in Gambrell in the hopes of never missing my shot to talk to Steven Colbert. Fellner went on to tell me how he came out of the History Department and immediately made Fellner think he knew him. He had the glasses, the had the sprayed down hair to where it wouldn’t move an inch no matter how forcefully he walked, he had the makeup on, and the had the look on his face of “Yeah, you know me kid, but please don’t make a scene.”

So now, if you turn on The Daily Show this week and see a piece where Steven Colbert is in the History Department of The University of South Carolina interviewing some professor about the Civil War, you can think of how I was just one day away from getting to meet the funniest guy on TV.