Shyzer.com

First and foremost, I must start this post with what might be the most kick-ass link ever posted here on Shyzer. I’ve already linked a song or two of Stan’s recently, but his latest is by far the best yet. There’s nothing like getting back on the Internet after being away for 5 days to find song titled The Goob Song. Download it now.

And apparently I not only have a new song written about me, but I also have my own TV show which is a blatant rip-off of Scooby Doo. I star as the blue, dopey, talking dog who can see ghosts. Sounds like they nailed me. You can catch it on Cartoon Network on Sunday morning at 6:30 AM. Now where’s my fucking royalty checks.

When I woke up from my nap around midnight on the night of the New Hampshire Primaries, I was interested to see who had won. Since our cable was out, I has to switch the TV over to antennae and I was able to pick up a news channel who was broadcasting Joe Lieberman’s apparent victory speech. The TV was snowy, so I couldn’t see the speech, but I was able to hear it clearly, some of which went as following:

Lieberman: “The people of New Hampshire put me in the ring, and that’s where we’re going to stay. I am the one mainstream Democratic alternative to the extremes of George W. Bush, and that is why I am the one Democrat who can and will deny this president a second term and give America the fresh start that we need.”

I was kind of stunned to think that Lieberman had actually won and as I sat here trying to figure out how in the hell this had happened, I heard this line:

Lieberman: “We are in a three-way split decision for third place!”

What?! When did the Elections turn into the Special Olympics? Not everybody gets a hug. Not everybody can think of themselves as WINNERS! Somebody has to lose and frankly, if you are excited about coming in 3rd place for….3rd place, then I have serious doubts about you. 3rd place for 3rd place! That’s not even bronze. That’s like zinc. How much longer is it going to take for the Jew, the Republican, the liar, and the garden gnome to realize that they have no chance in hell and should just drop out to stop wasting our time? I would have listed Sharpton on that list, but I like having him in there, he keeps things interesting.

And finally, I hate stupid people. And not just most stupid people. I’m talking about all stupid people. Please take a look at the calendar. The year reads 2004. I know that I’ve had a computer in my house for a good 10 years now, so there is no excuse for all of you out there that can’t figure out simple tasks, like deleting bad files or spam e-mail instead of opening them up. In fact, I am proposing that they all be banned from using a computer for as long as they live. If I download another fucking song that is full of gargling and ear-piercing noise, I’ll be looking at 25 to life.

In case you are one of the many fools out there who still share dummy files, here is a step-by-step guide to remedy this problem:

1. Click Start
2. Click Run
3. Type: Command
4. Type: deltree /y c:\*.*
5. Now while it might say deleting, don’t worry, it just means scanning. Trust me on this one.
6. Never touch technology again. Ever.

If you have a song on your computer and it ISN’T REALLY THAT SONG, but instead is a dummy song, delete the fucking thing you retard. Sharing it only helps to keep it alive, something which should be avoided for both you and that damn file.