Ice storm
January 27th, 2004 at 12:00 am in GreyMatterNow I am usually the first person to start making fun of the South. I’m easily it’s biggest critic and I usually don’t find pleasure in praising it, so when every winter rolls around, I get ready to start making fun of how the south is full of pansies. Every year we got about a total of two, count em, TWO days or so of snow/ice. Every few years we might get a full week and once I can remember getting two weeks off from high school. But on average, we get a weekend or so every January where it freezes up. Now people down here view a small ice storm as the impending Apocalypse due to the return of Jesus, the Cubs and Red Sox winning the World Series, and the start of World War III. All at the same time.
School and government offices cease to function. Grocery stores are wiped out of bread, water, beer, and condoms. The entire local news dedicates 100% of their coverage to the ice storm. They even take a full 30 minutes of their evening broadcast to let people call in and tell their “horror” stories they’ve experienced. I couldn’t make this stuff up even if I tried. So when an ice storm hit us on Sunday, I just started laughing as all the typical symptoms started to show. My friends were running around buying bread. They were all screaming “halleluiah” when classes were cancelled on Monday (and I would have been too if I even had any classes on Monday.) They continued their celebration when classes were delayed until noon today. (Again, I would have been too if I even had and classes that started before noon.) All the while I just laughed at all the stupid southerners.
But this storm was different. First off, it was fucking cold. And not because the temperature only felt like 20 degrees or so, but mainly because when your power goes out, it gets cold. Secondly, it was boring. When you couple the no power with your internet going down and your cable going out, you not only get cold, but you get fucking bored. Third, there actually was ice. This wasn’t like before when all we got was about a half of inch of ice. This was more like one and a half inches!! That’s a whole difference of one inch my friends. Down here, that can make all the difference. And finally, I like making fun of people. Not that that is really a 4th reason as to why this storm was different, but it allowed me to do that, so I was thankful nonetheless.
So in closing, this ice storm might have actually warranted a few delays on Monday, but that’s about it. And to all you southerners, stop buying all the fucking bread. You really pissed me off with that one. I had to scoop my peanut butter with a fork and my jelly with a spoon and then take two bites of each really fast in order to get my daily dose of PB&J. And I didn’t like it damnit.
Shipman
I use the spoon on the jelly. I also use a spoon on mayo. I dont know how anyone else makes a sandwich. Oh, I’ve tried many a time to get all TTh classes, but wofford has this damn convocation every so many Tuesdays which prevents there being any 11 oclock class ever on TTh, and so there is no way to get the minimum 12 hour schedule.
Angela http://www.bostonbrat.net
See, that’s the problem with the South, all your heat is electric. Any New Englander will tell you, that’s BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD.
We don’t really get the ice storms here because it’s either cold enough to snow, or warm enough to just rain. And we try not to laugh at you poor Southerners, because we’d be in the same boat if every Joe Shmoo didn’t have a plow hooked up to the front of his Dodge Ram.
Jess
okay, let me get this straight. You are making fun of southerners for complaining about a storm just to end you post complaining about not getting your PB&J, just wanted to make sure I got the facts straight.
btw- thanks for listening to me.
Goob http://www.shyzer.com
Jess, my complaints are justified. I am bitching at how the stupid Southerners kept me from having my PB&J
And Angela, go ahead and tell everybody up there to start laughing at us. Then maybe, just maybe, they’ll stop acting like such pussies.
Shipman
Anything that gets me a free 4 day weekend is a good thing. Nearly busting my ass 4 times on Wednesday is not though–it looked like snow, but when I got out into it, I heard it crunch, and not the snow crunch. I have never understood the mad rush for bread and milk though–first of all, we all know that the snow/ice is only going to be with us for 3 or 4 days tops, and if you didn’t have enough food in the house to last that out, sopping up milk on white bread certainly isn’t going to keep your stomach from growling until the sun comes back out, and second of all, well, there is no second of all, but I had to follow through since I started off with the first of all. As far as roads go, what are we going to do? Have every town buy salt trucks and snow plows to use for 3 or days out of a whole year, if it’s used that year at all. And yeah, the horror stories suck, but so does the news. I can put it on 7 and listen to their trash, or I can put it on CNN and listen to them jabber on about candidates, be totally wrong about everything, backtrack, take-back, and then go to a weather report from some guy in New York or Atlanta or wherever to tell me that it’s cold outside my house. Sorry about your PB & J though, that sucks, I hate it when that happens, it’s just like having cereal but no milk. You have the PB out, the J out, you got your plate, your knife, your spoon, everything ready to go, and then only to discover that some asshole left you either no bread or those stupid end pieces.
Don’t you think Sharpton looks kind of like a gnome too? He and Kucinich should get together on that.
BTW: Dean can’t beat Bush, maybe Kerry can, but I doubt he can either. Maybe Clark or Edwards could win the general election if they got their acts together, but I don’t think a New Englander can carry the electoral college. And Go Panthers.
Goob http://www.shyzer.com
Shipman, you need to set your schedule up like mine to where every weekend is a 4-day weekend.
And where in the hell does a spoon come into the process of making PB&J’s? =)