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Well, the Supporting Cast section is now up (minus the headshot, which will be up tomorrow), so now you’ll have a better idea of who people are when I talk about them. Next goal, the gallery!

It’s funny to see people turn into people they swore they never would. Maybe funny isn’t the word, I guess it depends on the person and the situation. Watching a few of my old friends slowly deteriorate into that person they never wished to be is discouraging, especially knowing that there is nothing I can do. Things have happened to them in their past that are so unimaginable, it’s a miracle that they are still with us today. Yet at the same time, I’m subjected to become only a spectator in their life now, no longer participating in the action and losing the power to help them in the only way I could before.

Yet with someone else I know, their transformation was almost cruel and tactless…it feels like treachery. Knowing that they so willingly gave into – or even worse, consciously decided to – change into this person that they swore over and over to me that they would never would is like a dagger through the chest. Yet, I understand it. I understand it better then they do and I always have. They have given up and suffered the most worst imaginable fate I can think of. They have finally started to believe everything they heard about them. They have finally started to believe everything they were told they should be. They have finally become the person I never thought they would be and the person that I never wish to know.

Many people have at times accused me of thinking that I am better then everybody else. They always misinterpret my indifference to these accusations as an admittance of guilt; as if I felt that they were so wise to see through my ruse that I could do nothing but cower in shame. Yet every time I hear somebody accuse me of this, I simply ignore them while they talk, for they have already failed in understanding me. For years I tried to explain myself, to explain why they were wrong, to explain how far from the truth they really were. Each and every time, my explanations were futile and eventually I just stopped trying.

Many months ago, I started a list. A list of who I was. A list of who I am. But most importantly, a list of what I am. It was started in an attempt to help people better understand me, in an attempt to reach out and put to rest the belief that I intentionally hindered people’s desire to understand me. But after finishing it, I realized that it only clouded things up even more for most. People who finished reading it ended up confused, puzzled, irritated, angry…

I’ve only had one person completely understand me and he’s gone now. Does that discourage me? Not particularly. Do I seem to obstruct people in their quest to understand me? Only to those who fail from the start. I tried to help people with the list, but when I finished it, I finally understood. You either understand me or you don’t. If you don’t understand me today, you never will. You either have it, or it don’t, and it’s as simple as that. I welcome somebody to prove me wrong, but I know it won’t happen. Why?

Because I am better then you.