Shyzer.com

They have gone too far…

I was surfing the web a few days ago when I came across a site of recently cancelled TV shows. I was interested to see if the lastest NBC bombs Couplings and Watching Ellie had finally been given the axe and low and behold, they are no more!! Thank God.

But then I read the whole list and I noticed that Mister Sterling was on this list. I was actually a little stunned when I saw this because I personally thought it was a good show. Alas, nobody else did though and NBC gave it the boot and banished it off to TV wasteland.

Then I saw that Whose Line Is It Anyway? is on hiatus. I read a few of the press releases that ABC has released about the show and let me say, it sounds as if Whose Line is already in the bar and pretty drunk, flirting with Destruction and one shot of bad Russian Vokda away from going home with her.

I didn’t think it could get any worse and then I saw John Doe on the list. Alright, what the hell is going on? This show was awesome. It had suspense, it had mystery, it had love, and it had a main character who could kick ass. What’s missing? Why did FOX decide to cancel this? My brothers and I watched this every week and I think the main thing that I am pissed off over is we didn’t find out WHO THE HELL JOHN DOE REALLY WAS!!! You bastards….

And then I saw it. Hidden Hills is no more. How could TV do this to me? This show was GREAT! Anybody who was in a relationship and somehow couldn’t relate to this show should have gone out and shot themselves. Plus the wife was hot! These (minus WLIIA, which had been on for years) were the only new shows last year that were even halfway decent and instead of keeping them, we are stuck with “Joe Millionaire 2, Return of the Retards,” Slut…er, Paradise Hotel, and Fear Factor? Forget not giving money to schools, forget all the people addicted to drugs and in jail and who are living out on the street. THIS is what’s wrong with America. Mark my words, it will be the downfall of this nation.

And then this reminded me of who is running the networks. Brilliant my friends, just brilliant.

Fellner, you should be working, not looking at my site. We’ll never get our first National Park if the office staff doesn’t have their coffee and mail delivered to them ON TIME!

I don’t quite remember when this transaction took place, but apparently the devil and I made a little deal a while back to make me his own personal advocate. I love arguing with people, especially within the past year or two. No matter what the conversation is about, if somebody expresses some type of preference over another, I am compelled to jump in and defend the other option. Whenever anybody states their opinion around me and then starts to go on and on about why they are right, I just have to get in their face and challenge them. Hell, at least half of the time I actually agree with them and I end up defending something I don’t even agree with. I just like proving people wrong or at least trying to show their ignorance and stupidity on any given topic. But unless you want to get punched in the face, don’t ask if I’m gonna be a lawyer.

Now if you want to know the definition of being a bad ass, I point you no further then this. I’d sail with “The Iceman” any day. Damn, that is just hardcore badass at its best.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what I’m gonna do next semester and once I graduate. I’ve pretty much arrived at the conclusion that any option I have looks good to me as long as it doesn’t involve staying here in South Carolina for the time being. I cannot express to you enough how sick I am of this place and yet at the same time it kills me, because it has this grip on me that I can’t explain. Next semester should be interesting though =)

I’ve been writing a lot lately too. More then I have in the last few years combined and it sucks. I never think it’s good enough and I spend countless hours toiling over just two or three pages. I’ll type the same sentence twenty different times using different phrases and wordings and I’ll still never find one that I’m happy with. I’m working on one chapter right now that I think I’ll be posting within a few days. Well, that is if I can actually finish it.

First off, I need money. And by “need” I mean “would kill for” and by “would kill” for I mean “Literally, give me a name and a figure and I’ll kill him.” So, everybody go buy my useless shit that I found in a pile at the bottom of my closet that nobody in their right mind would want stuff that I’m selling on E-Bay. I honestly don’t expect anybody anywhere to buy any of it. All that shit is headed for the trash if not sold.

Now, for another installment of something I like to call “Dear [insert asshole here],”

Dear bitch in charge of my group. I don’t know who the hell made you captain of our group. I understand we have a project due and I understand that you want to do well on it, but I couldn’t care less about how little time you have and how all 12 of us must plan our meetings around your schedule. Whoopde-fucking-do that you did the essay all on your own without any of us asking you to or any of our input. Let’s just all pray you didn’t fuck it up while you sit there and direct us around like we’re your personal live puppets. Stop being such a fucking pain in the ass and let us lazy people wing the fucking class presentation. IT’S ONLY 10% OF OUR GRADE! I can piss away 10% and still make an A without breaking a sweat. Don’t sit there and make bitchy comments to me about “not preparing properly.” I nailed my part thank you very much and might I add without the aide of those trusty fucking notecards that you so demanded I make. God people like you piss me off.

I am getting so sick of this layout. I want something a little more clean, a little more smooth. I wonder how long it will take me to get off my ass and start doing something about it. I’m putting my money on never, but we’ll see. Now it’s time for me to go finish bullshitting my essay for history.

“I’m like Harriet Tubman.” – Goob

Ah yes, one of the many sayings that came back with me from my road trip up to Virginia this past weekend. And just so you know, I made a pretty damn good case as to how I am just like Ms. Tubman. Fellner and I hit the road last Friday morning and actually made it up there in under 8 hours. I myself was impressed. Since we got there early, we were able to see my mom before she left for work, which was nice. I hadn’t seen her in a few months and I honestly have no idea when the next time will be. Later in the day, we all decided to play a grand ole’ game of charades. Now this is where I need some of my readers to help me out here. What would be your natural guess when somebody stands up, waves their arms around, and says “I’m a resource!” Apparently we were the weird ones for not immediately guessing a tree in the forest. And what about this one. It was my turn and I walked up, turned around, and mooned everyone. What would be your first thought?! Isn’t it quite clear that I was a pervert?! Thank you.

Fellner and I pretty much hung out with my siblings for the entire weekend. Since my mom was at work, we watched the kids and did wholesome, safe activities, like playing football in the middle of the road, race scouters up and down the street at mach speeds, and playing video games in the dark all night long, while sitting only inches away from the screen. Monday finally rolled around and this was the day that Fellner and I had been waiting for because we were heading into Washington D.C. We abducted let Clay skip school to come experience the wonders of our nation’s capital. Venonat, use poision sting. Arbok, you use poision sting!!! Yet another little saying that came back from our road trip. =)

When we finally got to D.C, we hit up the first Smithsonian right next to us, which was the Air and Space Museum, and that was awesome. You never realize how huge those Cold War missles were until you stand right next to one and strain your neck looking up at them. They had some other cool stuff there, including the actual urine bags used by the first astronauts! And apparently instead of ALTitude controls, Apollo 11 had ATTitude controls. My theory was that if Buzz started pissing Armstrong off, he could just slam that lever and change his attitude. But maybe that’s just me. After that we hit up the National Archives, which was also pretty cool. Upon entering, the following conversation ensued:

Clay: Wow, they sure do have a lot of security here.
Fellner: I can’t believe we’re about to see the actually Declaration of Independence, Bill of Rights, AND the Constitution!
Me: Dude, this place smells important…

After we left there, we grabbed some lunch and hit up the Spy Museum, which was AWESOME! They had all sorts of spy gadgets and stuff there. They had all sorts of booths where you could “test your spy skill” and basically, it was bad ass. If anybody is going to D.C. anytime soon, I would highly suggest taking a few hours and exploring that place. After we left there, we ran down to the Smithsonian of American History Museum, which was about to close. We only got to look at maybe 10% of the stuff in there, which sucked, especially because I would have loved to see everything in there. Next time I travel to D.C., that will certainly be the first place I go. After that we hiked over to the Jefferson Monument, which was also pretty impressive. You know, there’s nothing quite like walking around D.C. screaming “Badgers, badgers, badgers, badgers, badgers, badgers, badgers, badgers, badgers, badgers, badgers, badgers, mushroom, MUSHROOM! SNAKE, SNAKE, IT’S A GHASTLY SNAKE!”

It was getting pretty late, so we made our way back to the car. On the way out of the city, we detoured to check out the White House, which was actually a little smaller then I thought it would be. And then right before we left, we went to the Vietnam Memorial, which was so amazingly eerie. It was pitch black and the wall was barely lit by these ghostly lights. Just standing there, transfixed by all the names surrounding me, I couldn’t help but think how horrible war can be. I’m such a war buff, but when you’re reading about it in books and you see the death toll as some number, it doesn’t quite hit you as hard as when you see all the names laid out before you. After that somber experience, we went to see the Lincoln Memorial and then went home.

Did you know that video killed the radio star? We were reminded of that several times throughout the day.

On Tuesday, we had planned on coming back to Columbia, but first, we went back into D.C. to take a look at two more things. We had a few contacts who were going to give us a personal tour of the Capital, but we had an hour or so to kill before that, so we went to the Holocaust Museum. Now honestly, this was probably my most favorite place we visited, because WWII just interests me like nothing else. The Museum is 4 stories tall and you start from the top and gradually make your way down. Throughout the way, the place is covered in pictures and news clips. You can’t escape it all and at first, it’s just too much to take in. As soon as you get off the elevator, you are greated by a picture of two Nazi soldiers holding a guard attack dog. For as long as I live, I will never forget the eyes of that dog. I can literally still see the pure evil in them as I close my eyes at night. It brought back memories from when I visited the concentration camp in Munich, Germany and how deadly that place seemed, even 65 years later. It’s just something that will never leave me and I never even experienced the worse of it all.

My words don’t even begin to be able to express the feelings that I had while walking through there, so I’ll just leave it at this: A few weeks ago, my class was having a discussion on what we wanted to do once we graduated, which lead to what our majors were. The kid next to me wanted to become a psychologist, which was why she was majoring in psychology. The kid behind me wanted to become a pastor, which was why he was majoring in religious studies. It was pretty much clear with everyone why they had chosen whatever major they had. But when it got to me, I said I was majoring in History. Everybody kinda frowned and asked why in the hell I would want to major in history, especially if I didn’t want to go teach history and I had a hard trouble answering them. It made me start thinking, why the hell am I majoring in history? What the hell am I doing? When I walked out of that museum, I just closed my eyes and thought to myself, “That’s why I’m studying history…”

I’ll post the rest later. Right now, it just doesn’t seem important.

If you consider yourself, on any varying level, a sports fan, you need to read this article by Bill Simmons. Read the entire thing and just let it sink in. I don’t think he could write any better how us non-Yankees fans feel year after year. Pure sport’s emotion at its best.

I have yet to even unpack from my awesome Fall Break and I have so much to do, but I just want to give props to The Florida Marlins. Sorry Cubs fans, but take one look into your dugout and you will see why I couldn’t bring myself to root for them. They didn’t show any emotion at all and they didn’t seem to be enjoying themselves. And this is October baseball, where emotions should be flowing.

The Marlins however are a ragtag bunch of kids mixed with a few season veterans who are having the time of their lives. The only thing they have better then their opponents is speed, which in today’s game is considered by most experts to be “useless”….I for one thank god that the Marlins are defunking that myth. One shot of Dontrell Willis cheering on his teammates or Ivan Rodriguez telling his pitchers it’s okay and “Don’t worry man, I’ll personally get those runs back for ya. Relax.” just sends chills down my back.

But I feel your pain all too well Cubs fans. Show me some emotion next year and I’ll be rooting for you all the way.

But anyways, I really don’t have the time to be typing this post, so I gotta keep it short. I just wanted to say that I changed the song to the right to a new John Mayer song and put the lyrics to it up here. I love this song, so go check it out. I’ll post about my trip tomorrow sometime when I can find the time. Until then…

GO MARLINS!!!!!!!!!!!

*Note to self…pay your cable bill before Tuesday*

I’m up in Virginia for my Fall Break visiting my family with Fellner. We’re heading over to D.C. tomorrow and Tuesday to check out some of the museums and whatnot. I’ll put an actual post up within a day or two when I have more time. Right now, I’m just gonna enjoy my time off and relax with my family and friends =)

Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn’t mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a total mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.

Dear California,

You are fucking retarded.

Thank you for your time.