Shyzer.com

Well, I thought that in this post I might talk about a few more things that have been on my mind lately.

First off, I can see the coming changes that my website will be taking. And one thing I wanted to throw out there was that I am talking more and more about my thoughts and way of life – which of course can only lead to me talking about my past. And so, I want to tell everybody that I know, if you don’t want me to talk about you, please me know. I will do my best to omit you from my posts, but I can’t make any promises if you were a major influence on my life =)

So, I thought I might elaborate on a few things that I’ve posted recently, mainly about the thing about people who bring negative luck into my life. Like I said, I’ve started to identify people who bring mainly negative things to my life. While not intentionally, for they have no control over it, the fact still remains. Now, being the new discovery to me that it is, I still know no way of combating it other then the obvious of trying to eliminate contact with them. Now these people, they are not bad people themselves. They are not evil people. They just carry with them something that hurts me, something in which I do not fully understand yet. Some cause immense strife between Jess and I, others cause disruption in my family life, and others bring me general bad luck.

What I’m trying to get at is that these newly discovered group pf people are not like other people I have come into contact during my life. There are some people I have met that I think of as truly evil. People who, if I heard they were dead, it would actually bring a smile to my face, for I would easily think the world had become a better place to live. Heck, some might call me a bad person for saying what I just said, but it’s my true feelings – right or wrong. But this newly discovered group, I’m casting them into their own category. I am not saying they are bad or good or anything - just amazingly unlucky for me.

I still don’t know what I am going to do this summer. I’ve applied to quite a few places and still have yet to find anything. I actually got a phone call from one of the places I applied to in Charleston earlier this year and it sucked having to tell them that I was no longer going to be in Charleston. A friend I’ve met on-line might be able to hook me up with some help for the summer, but we’ll see. I would be forever grateful if it worked out though.

I’m trying to learn how to be happy on my own again. I wished I didn’t have to do it for I was quite content with the life I had. The last few days have been ones where I just go through the motions, not really having that much life to myself. I’ve been a walking zombie per say and to tell you the truth, it isn’t that much fun. I’ll regain myself soon enough, but honestly, it really can’t come soon enough. There are two paths I see my life taking and for a while, I won’t have either clue what path to take. To a small extent, I like the uncertainty, but I’m beginning to get to a point where the uncertainty is no longer fun. I don’t want to wait until I am 30 before I even begin to work towards my goals. I need to figure out what I want, how I want to start out, and go for it.

I’ve been thinking a lot about suicide lately. Now don’t worry about me. I’m not thinking about committing suicide, so don’t get all freaked out. I’ve just been thinking about the concept of suicide, as well as everything else I’ve been thinking about recently. See, for me, there would be no way I could go and commit it purely for the fact that I would cast myself out of Tommy, Clay, Jules, and Colton’s lives. Not only would that not be fair to them, but it would be amazingly selfish of myself. With those 4 people, no matter what happens or how it happens, I know they will always be there for me as I will do the same for them. I can only imagine the pain I would feel if one of them felt it would be better to stop living instead of staying and that is something I would never want to force them to feel. I honestly can’t wait to see them grow up into adults and get to a stage where I can talk to them about anything. It would be nice to be able to talk to Tommy about what’s been going on recently, but the kid is still 14 and despite what he might say, he just wouldn’t understand quite yet =)

Now, to end on a funny note. Please go check out this video by Andy Milonakis if you want a good laugh. It’s great. Also, has anybody seen those Holiday Inn Express breakfast commercials? They are fucking hilarious. I love them. I remember when commercials used to be half-way decent and funny. But now, even the Super Bowl commercials, which are supposed to be the best of the best are kinda crappy. But thankfully, we have these Holiday Inn commercials to keep up entertained!