Shyzer.com

Anybody looking to buy a kidney? Or need a babysitter? Or how about just a good old fashion servant to cater to your every needs. Or maybe somebody should just go ahead and fucking hire me for a job!

I went down to the mailbox this morning to get the mail and there were quite a few lovely surprises awaiting me. Oren L. Brady III thought it would be nice to go ahead and send me my property tax for my car, then my car insurance company decided they wanted some money in case I ever decide to run a red light and try to T-bone another car. And for some reason, the place I am living at next fall wants some money as a down payment because they think I might be a broke ass bitch who can’t pay his rent when I live there (now where would they get that idea?)

I’ve got $30. They can all just split it amongst themselves =)

I can’t even remember what I have done since I last posted. A lot of seraching for jobs, a lot of sleeping, and a lot of searching for jobs again.

I think I’m staying in Spartanburg for the summer. I also think that is the first time I have ever said where I am from. It wouldn’t be that hard to figure it out though. So yeah, in case anybody wants to know, I’m in Spartanburg, SC. Come pay me a visit and we’ll have lunch. Just be sure to bring money with you since I have no job. I went and met a friend from Columbia the other day. I had never actually met him in real life, but he had graciously offered me a place to stay and we met to talk things over. I could have seen living with him, but after talking to my parents (who are now probably staying in Spartanburg for at least the summer) I figured it would be better to just stay at home with the family. Rent is cheaper (payable through babysitting), Homecooked dinners are great, and it’s always fun playing a game of baseball with the neighborhoof kids.

Ok, so I technically got hired to sell kitchen knives today. After a 3 hour fucking interview. Has anybody ever heard of a company called Vector? It was one of the most bull-shit companies I have ever heard of. I kept looking around for the illegal columbians smuggling drugs or cubans making cigars because the place just reeked of some business used as a front by the mafia or something. The “district manager” was some girl who couldn’t have been a day over 24 and the guy who interviewed us all was easily under 20. Oh yeah, he was the “assistant manager” too. The company statistics they were throwing around was an absolute joke and I normally I would have left half way into the group interview he gave us, but since I had already wasted my time up to that point, I just had to see if they would hire me. He called me back into his office and talked about how selective they were and how only a very few amount of people are hired and then he gave me the whole “I’m gonna act like you didn’t make it except you really did” routine and then SURPRISE he told me I was “hired.” Oh yeah, so was EVERYBODY ELSE! What a joke….

Last night a group of me and my friends went out to celebrate my friend Nhan’s birthday. We went to HOPS (a local brewery / restaurant) where we ate (I also applied to be a server) and then we rented some shitty movie and quickly switched it out for “The Ring.” Ok, with most movies, I can accurately predict the ending somewhere in the middle of the movie. Movies like, The Sixth Sense, Signs, Stir of Echos, stuff like that you know? But damn did The Ring not totally throw me off. I wasn’t even close. I would suggest anybody who hasn’t already seen it to go do so….now!

A few days ago I got an e-mail from Jess that I really needed to get. It helped me like nothing else. We’ve talked a few times since then and it’s reminded me all over again how much I miss her, but how much I want to help her. Not being or really talking to her for the whole summer though is still gonna suck. But you’ve gotta do what you’ve gotta do.

When I was unpacking my old stuff, I found a letter I wrote when I was like in the 1st grade and it had a list of things I wanted to do when I got older. One of them was “Beat 100 video games” and that got me to thinking, have I actually done that yet? And I’m talking about no codes, cheats, etc. (show me one person who actually beat the original Super Marion without using those damn warp tubes). So I started a running count of games I can think of over in the video games section. If anybody sees that I’ve left a game off, let me know!

Well I am off to bed. Ronak and I are going job hunting tomorrow at 11, so wish me luck. I’ll post tomorrow night. Until then…

First, the most important stuff. Thank you to everybody who has been there for me the past few days, especially today. Whether I want to realize it or not, I have some great friends. And guess what. I can actually say today was a good day =) Let me tell you why:

Today I talked to an old friend, someone who has been through his fair share of troubles and someone who I only wish to be happy. Just listening to him talk made me realize what I need to do and I can’t thank him enough. I can only hope to be there for him in the future. Thanks again Elton.

So this afternoon, my bros Ronak and Tan come over to play a friendly game of Stratego. For any of you that have never played, it’s a 2 or 4 player boardgame where two sides just attack each other. Each piece is numbered 2-10 with a few special pieces (Spy, Flag, Cannon) and the rules are pretty simple. The piece with the bigger number wins the battle and the first team to capture the other team’s falg wins =) Seeing as how I was without a partner, I called on Clay to rise to the occasion and help me out. And did he ever. Not only did he never lose his flag, he skillfully captured Ronaks flag within 10 minutes. After that, it was a matter of taking down Tan, which wasn’t that easy. But in the end, we prevailed victorious and beat Ronak and Tan - something I have only ever done once…the first time they ever played =)

Right as the game was ending, Suzie called me up and invited me to a little BBQ that she was throwing together, so I went over there for most of the evening. One of my oldest friends David is with Suzie and they have a 1 year old son named Triston together and it was great being able to see them. Jeremy and Nhan were there too and was great talking to them and catching up. Triston is damn cute though. I played with him for a while and his laugh is addictive. He’s a great kid =) Dave, Jeremy, Nhan, and I are gonna try to go play a game of golf in a few weeks, so that should be fun. I remember the last time we went, it was Nhan’s first time playing and he kicked our asses. The guy is a pure, 100% athlete. No matter what the sport, he can play it and play it well.

When I “graduated” from 8th grade, my mom threw me an “End Of The School Year” bash. It was so much fun, and tonight, Tommy got to have his. There were way too many kids here, somewhere around 35, but he had a blast. When I got home tonight, there were a few things going on that were making me extremelly angry, but then I sat down with my mom to talk a little and some of the things she said just baffled my mind. I didn’t know quite what to think and then I sat down with my brother and had probably one of the most heart-to-heart talks I have ever had with him. And all I know is that no matter what, he’s gonna make it. And damned if I won’t be there right by his side.

God, today was something that I needed. Just to smile, laugh, and be happy. Just to occupy my mind, stop it from thinking for just a little while at least. Well, I am out for the night. I’m going to have an important lunch tomorrow. *fingers crossed* I’ll explain later =)

Well today I awoke to some pretty bad news. My dad’s company got bought out and today they let him know they weren’t re-hiring him. He is really pissed and now I have no clue what he will do. It makes me want to get a job even more so that I can move out and stop costing them money. But one of the other aspects of him not having a job here is that now, he most likely will be moving with my family up to Virginia. Translation: If I want to stay down here, I have to find a place of my own =)

I talked to a few old friends last night and it felt great just to catch up with them. Some of them I hadn’t talked to in months, others years. I wished I had sorta kept in touch with them all a little better, but I can only blame myself for that.

Well, this was just a quick entry. It’s funny how before I used to go days without posting and now it’s hours. What can I say? I love you guys =)

Well, I thought that in this post I might talk about a few more things that have been on my mind lately.

First off, I can see the coming changes that my website will be taking. And one thing I wanted to throw out there was that I am talking more and more about my thoughts and way of life – which of course can only lead to me talking about my past. And so, I want to tell everybody that I know, if you don’t want me to talk about you, please me know. I will do my best to omit you from my posts, but I can’t make any promises if you were a major influence on my life =)

So, I thought I might elaborate on a few things that I’ve posted recently, mainly about the thing about people who bring negative luck into my life. Like I said, I’ve started to identify people who bring mainly negative things to my life. While not intentionally, for they have no control over it, the fact still remains. Now, being the new discovery to me that it is, I still know no way of combating it other then the obvious of trying to eliminate contact with them. Now these people, they are not bad people themselves. They are not evil people. They just carry with them something that hurts me, something in which I do not fully understand yet. Some cause immense strife between Jess and I, others cause disruption in my family life, and others bring me general bad luck.

What I’m trying to get at is that these newly discovered group pf people are not like other people I have come into contact during my life. There are some people I have met that I think of as truly evil. People who, if I heard they were dead, it would actually bring a smile to my face, for I would easily think the world had become a better place to live. Heck, some might call me a bad person for saying what I just said, but it’s my true feelings – right or wrong. But this newly discovered group, I’m casting them into their own category. I am not saying they are bad or good or anything - just amazingly unlucky for me.

I still don’t know what I am going to do this summer. I’ve applied to quite a few places and still have yet to find anything. I actually got a phone call from one of the places I applied to in Charleston earlier this year and it sucked having to tell them that I was no longer going to be in Charleston. A friend I’ve met on-line might be able to hook me up with some help for the summer, but we’ll see. I would be forever grateful if it worked out though.

I’m trying to learn how to be happy on my own again. I wished I didn’t have to do it for I was quite content with the life I had. The last few days have been ones where I just go through the motions, not really having that much life to myself. I’ve been a walking zombie per say and to tell you the truth, it isn’t that much fun. I’ll regain myself soon enough, but honestly, it really can’t come soon enough. There are two paths I see my life taking and for a while, I won’t have either clue what path to take. To a small extent, I like the uncertainty, but I’m beginning to get to a point where the uncertainty is no longer fun. I don’t want to wait until I am 30 before I even begin to work towards my goals. I need to figure out what I want, how I want to start out, and go for it.

I’ve been thinking a lot about suicide lately. Now don’t worry about me. I’m not thinking about committing suicide, so don’t get all freaked out. I’ve just been thinking about the concept of suicide, as well as everything else I’ve been thinking about recently. See, for me, there would be no way I could go and commit it purely for the fact that I would cast myself out of Tommy, Clay, Jules, and Colton’s lives. Not only would that not be fair to them, but it would be amazingly selfish of myself. With those 4 people, no matter what happens or how it happens, I know they will always be there for me as I will do the same for them. I can only imagine the pain I would feel if one of them felt it would be better to stop living instead of staying and that is something I would never want to force them to feel. I honestly can’t wait to see them grow up into adults and get to a stage where I can talk to them about anything. It would be nice to be able to talk to Tommy about what’s been going on recently, but the kid is still 14 and despite what he might say, he just wouldn’t understand quite yet =)

Now, to end on a funny note. Please go check out this video by Andy Milonakis if you want a good laugh. It’s great. Also, has anybody seen those Holiday Inn Express breakfast commercials? They are fucking hilarious. I love them. I remember when commercials used to be half-way decent and funny. But now, even the Super Bowl commercials, which are supposed to be the best of the best are kinda crappy. But thankfully, we have these Holiday Inn commercials to keep up entertained!

[edit]The song that loads up is only temporary. But for now…I need it.[/edit]

Good news or bad news first? Come on, which do you want first? Well naturally I would go with bad and then good, so I just guess I’ve answered my own question for ya.

Jess and I decided to end our relationship for a temporary indefinite amount of time. Things between us just weren’t working and for many different reasons (many of which we ourselves don’t even understand) and time apart seems like the only viable solution. She needs her space to figure a few things out and I only want to help, no matter how bad it hurts. We both love each other like nothing else and I can’t speak for her, but I know this summer will be rough. So please forgive me if I act a little strange. This is new territory for me. I can’t believe that we will be going through this without each other. It just seems so foreign to me. We won’t be speaking or seeing each other, because we both agreed that it kills us inside talking or seeing each other and not being together. There was no reason to put ourselves through that type of pain. I personally swear Jess has read “The Fountainhead” and just doesn’t remember it =)

And now for the last piece of bad news. The Mariners season has been sealed. So don’t be surprised if I stop talking about them. There is always next year =)

You know what amazes me? It’s how comfortable I feel putting myself out here on the net. I am one of the most private person you will ever meet. And yet, for some reason, I have no worries about talking about my private life. I think it has to do with the fact that I’m not actually talking to you, the reader. I am simply talking aloud to myself and typing it at the same time. I love having conversations with myself. I will debate things over and over in my head, run through scenarios, etc. But when you place a person in front of me, I clam up and want to share nothing with them. But as I type this, I feel free and don’t hold back. And I like it.

And NOW for the happy news. Tonight, my dad took me and Clay, my 11-year old brother, out for a sushi dinner. I hadn’t had sushi in over a year and Clay…well Clay is the type of kid that doesn’t really like anything that doesn’t have “pizza” or “cookie” in the title. So we sit down at the bar, order our food, and as soon as it gets there, Clay grabs a piece and starts eating. And the boy never looked back. You have no clue how proud I was of him. He looked at it and said it looked nasty as hell (ok, maybe he didn’t say hell, but you get the idea), but then he said he’d try it and he loved it. I was HIGHLY impressed by him.

I went out tonight to watch a few movies with some friends. It wasn’t much, but I needed to get out of this house and get some fresh air. Thanks Nhan. I want to go a little more in depth about my last post, because I feel like ranting a little more about what I’ve realized and what I mean about people who bring me bad luck versus people I see as truly evil. But, I think this post is long enough. And anybody who reads my site, please send me an IM over at Shyzerdotcom or leave me a comment and just let me know you read it. I like hearing from my visitors. One of the few simple pleasures in my life. =)

This post is long. Just a warning.

Many, in fact almost everybody, would laugh at what I call my “religion.” I’ve been studying it again lately, in an attempt to find out who will win The War and I’ve finally realized a few things. But first, I thought it might be helpful to give a little…ok, large background on what I call my “religion.”

Now first off, I am not knocking organized religions. In fact, I think they are amazingly great for some people. Anything that has the type of power that can change a person’s life and continue doing so for centuries on end cannot be viewed as a bad thing. There are many flaws in the systems, of course, but show me one system, ANY system, that doesn’t have flaws. So for the record. I am not anti-religion with religion playing the classical role. I just know it’s not for me.

Growing up, I wasn’t raised in a “religious” family. My mom grew up as a semi-practicing Catholic (I think) and my Dad frew up as a…? I honestly don’t know about either one of them, but I do know that growing up, we weren’t big into religion. Sure, we went to the church on Christmas or on other such occasions, but I knew very little about religion as a whole. I was 14 before I realized that a Hail Mary was more then just a desperate football play or that Southern Baptists didn’t like Disney. But once I started looking around into religions, my parents were both supportive and said that they would help me along the way. My mom made my family start going to church every week for about 2 years and I tried to pay attention, I tried to understand, and I tried to believe. But it wasn’t there. For many different reasons, I just didn’t agree with many things being preached - the preaching being one of them. So, I started looking into religions. I read the basic beliefs and practices of all the major religions, tried my best to understand them, and in the end I was left with what I had picked and selected from various religions as being what I thought the truth was. And then, I found my calling.

As many of you know, on the first day of the 8th grade, I started a journal. After a few years, I began writing in it every night and have yet to miss a day. Now, what I feel - what I know - is that certain things I do make certain things happen. So now we have the major ingrediant in my religion. What most people would call superstition. Though I personally feel this word is a bad comparison since my beliefs are nothing like the definition of superstition.

a) A belief, practice, or rite irrationally maintained by ignorance of the laws of nature or by faith in magic or chance. b) A fearful or abject state of mind resulting from such ignorance or irrationality. c) Idolatry.

a) can be dismissed due to the pure fact that it has “laws of nature” in it. Aslo, “irrationally” and “ignorance” are far from the truth. b) can be tossed aside can again be eliminated due to the same two words. And c)….well trust me, I am not blind. I am learning. You see, my beliefs are based on what I have seen. What I have learned. And what I have proved time and time again. There are certain things - small things to most people - that if done in ANY other way than what I have realized, a set of negative actions that are easily identifiable and 100% unforeseen will take place. And trust me, each and every time I test this, the results come out to be the same. In fact, my journal that I keep is my “religious notes” if you will. I can look back, see what I did, and see what happened. When you see that over 4 years, I did something, say 29 times and that in the day after each of those 29 occurances, something amazingly bad happened, you start to believe that you in fact do have a control over your own destiny. That you do in fact control your own life. But then the question remains, how do I know I still have control over what I do? But I digress, for that is a discussion for a later topic.

Over the years, my knowledge has grown. And with learning of these things that I must do, I have found ways to combat them. Small ways, in the general scheme of things, but ways none-the-less. Here, let me give you an example. Say for instance that I wake up one morning and realize that I missed something the previous day. I can then sit there and try to imagine every possible bad thing that could occur that day. And by mentally realizing them in my head, I have a good chance of avoiding them. However, that lovely word unforeseen will rear its ugly head and something bad will happen - guaranteed. And I’m not talking “missed the bus” or “a bad episode of my favorite show,”… I’m talking pure, 100%, black, vile, evil.

So how the hell is this considered a religion? Prayer, Truth, Beauty, and Virtue. They are all there. When you consider that all recognized religions contain those 4 linking objects and that mine too does, well, I stop calling it superstitions and start calling it a religion. And what do I think I will eventually achieve. Well, many years later, I hope to be able to avoid negative occurances all-together. Call it crazy, call it stupid, but call it me.

So….what is this all leading up to? Well, I’ve finally been enlightened to the next stepping stone of things to avoid. Except, for the first time, it isn’t actions. It’s people. I have identified certain people, who clearly bring nothing but back luck into my life. What bothers me the most is that I went 6 years without realizing them - or even this aspect. I was so blind to the fact that it had to be actions and motions in my daily life, that outsiders couldn’t effect it. But I have finally realized this. Now, I must find a way to rid my life of these people and find ways to combat them in case I must be forced to have them in my lives. Finally, a new thing to meditate on…

I just wrote this amazingly long post and then realized that in no way, shape, or form did I want to post it. Talk about some bad time management. There goes 60 minutes down the drain.

I need to get out of here. There are just too many things wrong. It’s so funny. I wish like nothing else that August was already here so that I would be able to concentrate on school. Yes, that’s how bad it’s gotten. There are so many things that I hate about this town and this house and the people here. And yet, I’ve found happiness lately in the strangest of company. And sorrow in the oldest of enemies.

Being depressed sucks. I can tell this summer is going to be one of the worst summers I’ve had. And now that I know and realize that, I won’t allow it to be any other way. I’m so angry and I don’t even know who at. It’s funny, I love playing the devil’s advocate, but there are many times that I just want to drop the advocate part and fight myself. Remember that internal battle I talked about a few posts ago? I think we’ve hit May of 1940 and it’s not looking too good. I remember what I used to feel like. Unpacking all my old things and going through them made me realize what I am today. And truth be told, I can’t stand either one of them. They both are nothing like what I want them to be.

I’ve said “it’s funny” literally 38 times in everything I’ve been trying to write tonight, including a few that I left in. And the actually funny thing? It’s nowhere close to being funny. At least not now…not until 10 years down the road when this seems so trivial. And now that I look back upon what I’ve wrote, it doesn’t do justice to what I feel like.

That’s kinda funny.

I feel like posting, yet have nothing to say. That, my friends, results in a very boring blog entry. So I decided to turn to the ever-so-reliable news media to provide me with some material to make fun of…er, I mean talk about.

The first topic I found that interested me was this little piece of news. Now folks, I am all for equal rights. But am I the only one who sees this as potentially dangerous? Let me explain. In many sports, the best male athletes are better then the best female athletes. Be it running, basketball, soccer, etc. the previous statement is 9 times out of 10 correct. Now, I think that everybody should get the best competition they can. But if a girl is good enough to go play with the men, then sooner or later, we are going to have men say they should be allowed to go play with the girls. If the whole reason Sorenstam is allowed to play is because of fairness, then why shouldn’t those men who aren’t quite good enough to play with the best males, but could easily compete with the females not be allowed to go play with them? The current system we have now in pro sports won’t be able to sustain this and in the end, it comes down to this. Either we keep men and women seperate or we devise a new system. For instance, have 3 leagues. One for men. One for women. And one for the best of both. And honestly, I don’t how we go from what we have to what we need.

This story isn’t going to seem so funny once that snake gets hungry. I give him 3 more weeks.

And THIS made me laugh like nothing else. Well, actually, it was this quote: A media saga over the private life of Mexico’s first lady took a bizarre twist on Wednesday when she defended herself against allegations of abuse of power in a live television interview with a clown.

Does anybody besides me find it difficult to take her seriously when she is being interviewed by Bozo himself?

On Monday, May 19th, 2003 at 11 AM EST, history was made folks. A game of basketball was being played and “he who never plays due to horrible skills” actually showed up and played. Yes, that is right. I dragged my ass out of bed at 10 this morning to go play some basketball with my boys. Nhan (pronounced Yen) IMed me last night and asked me if I wanted to play. All it took was one look at my body to realize that I could use the exercise and I agreed. Now folks, I don’t think you understand how monumental this was. I NEVER play basketball….and for good reason. I suck so much ass, it just isn’t funny. I can’t shoot. I can’t dribble. I can’t pass. I can’t jump. And God knows, I can’t play defense. It got to the point where my friends stopped telling my about the games they were about to play and I didn’t ask about them =)

Lee, Ronak, Nhan, and I all showed up and played a little 2-on-2. Nhan got his friend Travis to come, so we had a sub for the games and we played for abotu 2 hours. It was pretty damn fun and we are gonna try and plan a game for Wednesday tomorrow, therefore hopefully giving people enough time to clear their morning schedule and set their alarm clocks to wake up before the crack of noon.

After the game, Lee, Ronak, and I hit up the Salvation Army to see if they had any cool stuff for sell. And I saw one fo the most disgusting things I have ever seen. Used underwear with skid marks. This kind of comedy can’t even be made up. I have never laughed so hard at the thought of somebody actually buying those. Hell, you can get a pair of NEW underwear at the dollar store for a buck! But that wasn’t even the best find of the day. Lee called me over and was dieing with laughter as he showed me a picture frame he had found. Only, he was laughing at the picture inside of it. Sitting there, was a lovely late 1970’s picture of somebody grandmother. Lee was almost tempted to buy the picture just so people could go “Hey Lee, is that your grandmother?” “Na, it’s just somebody else’s” “Well whose is it?” “Heck it I know!”

After that, we went and grabbed some Thai food, which was damn delicious, and then I came home. Right as I walked in the house, I got a phone call from USC student government asking if I’d sit on a few committee chairs. I said what the hell, since it sounded halfway fun and I have nothing better to do. So we’ll see how that goes. Then I took a nap until about 9 and worked on my site for a while. I’m not sure what I’m going to be doing tomorrow, but I’m sure I’ll post about it =)